Long term marriage is like shagging your best friend

[Oneisnotamused]

……..or even worse, your brother or your sister 🤮. I think most long-term marriages end up with this problem - I know some people are still happily shagging after 30+ years but……..how do long-term marriages survive this particular ick?

Maybe that's your issue??

Is this one of those research/journalist posts....? 🙄

Surely shagging your best friend is the best thing you can ever hope for.

That would make me want to get married (although I never would).

Yes this is what it was like for me. I no longer fancied him and we were more like siblings or friends. There were lots of other issues in the relationship but I thought to myself that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life without any possibility of love and romance so ended it. As it is I'm happily single and don't want a relationship but I didn't want to close off the possibility for ever.

After reading this i think i've had too much time on the internet today.

Time to get off here and go and do something normal with people who have normal thoughts...

I can’t be the only person who feels like this 🤣🤣🤣 I’m 43, I’ve been with DH for 23 years - we’re in the friendship zone and have a happy family life. But I don’t intend on living the rest of my life sexless!! We have two kids and we’re happy all round - but there’s no passion , it’s gone too much into the friend zone for either of us to want sex with one another

So what are you going to do about it?

Well yes obviously, discounting the weird sibling comment this is self evident. A lot of people, maybe most people, struggle with “commitment sex,” because sexual arousal for them depends on something being new, illicit and exciting which by definition long term relationships are not. That’s partly the point of marriage; its to anchor people and make it harder to run away when the lust runs out.

I think it depends to some extent on your personality and motivations. Some people enjoy the familiarity and intimacy of having sex with the same person, others find it kills the libido. In long term relationships where there is deep love most people find a way of moving past it.

But some of you are being a bit disingenuous if you are pretending you have no idea what she means.

If attraction dies and turns incestuous, it’s not time’s fault.

I've been shagging my best friend for 55 years.
It's good and I'm happy with it.
He feels the same.

I like you @Thepeopleversuswork

You gave an insightful reply - thanks

What is wrong with having sex with your best friend though? Isn't that what marriage eventually gets to over the years. Knowing someone has your back like a best friend would. A companion.

I have two kids, body full of stretch marks and my husband couldn't care less. Because that is what a best friend is. Imagine the amount of pressure with a stranger. I still find my husband attractive by the way and it goes beyond looks.

I can see how some people end up in this situation

The trick is to marry someone to you really connect with sexually

That’s your marriage! You’re trying to
excuse your potential infertility by saying everyone did it!

They don’t!

They were thoughtless, probably not intentionally. I wouldn't have remember pregnant women can't eat parma ham or salmon and my youngest is 12.

I wouldn't be deeply hurt, id be midly amused that they were so dippy

My husband is my best friend and the sex is awesome- 30 plus years ( adult children).
So no not all relationships go the ways your seems to have gone.
But there is loads you both can do to relight the ‘spark’ and bring your marriage back from the brink.

Infidelity!!! 😩

@Nevernonono

Where did I say I was planning infidelity?

You’ve got a tough crowd today OP. I know what you meant. It’s like sometimes the relationship evolved to the point where you end up just feeling like you’re family, in a way that can kill the sexual attraction, I think that happens a lot more than people care to admit. I’m sure Relate wrote a book called I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You. It’s quite easy, and common to drift into that territory regardless of who says it isn’t. You’re not abnormal at all for feeling that way.

Well you have a choice of accepting the way it is, talking to your DH and figuring out how to revive your sex life, or leaving and finding someone else/other people to have sex with.

What does your DH say about it? Do you want to fix it and stay with DH?

I don’t mind a tough crowd - I expected the “oh but we’ve been married x-number of years and still shag every day” trope. Which is fine, but it doesn’t answer the question - I still think this happens to an awful of people. Maybe it’s not so bad in later years but when you’re in your 49’s and still would like some passion in your life it does pose an issue

40’s rather

Also, I think passion (in the "phwoar, rip his clothes off" way) does dwindle a bit over time but attraction and desire can remain.

DH and I have gone through some dry spells and it has been a case of making time for each other and, to a degree, scheduling time to have sex.

You also need to remember that sex isn't just about what happens in the bedroom. It's the kisses in the kitchen, the flirty bum squeeze as you go by each other, holding hands when walking about...

ETA: and just for context, I'm 44 and been with DH for about 18 years now. And yes, still having great sex.

My God. What a load of nonsense. You're like an idiot.

@TimeForTeaAndG

You also need to remember that sex isn't just about what happens in the bedroom. It's the kisses in the kitchen, the flirty bum squeeze as you go by each other, holding hands when walking about...

Yeah but we’re not lovers. We act as friends and companions. That’s flirtatious behaviour that signals desire and we don’t have that