Long term marriage is like shagging your best friend

[Oneisnotamused]

……..or even worse, your brother or your sister 🤮. I think most long-term marriages end up with this problem - I know some people are still happily shagging after 30+ years but……..how do long-term marriages survive this particular ick?

Honestly @Oneisnotamused Full marks for the most batshit thread of the year. And there have been some strong contenders! 😆

Also, as has been said, how do you know what it's like to shag a sibling? 😱

My point is you don’t want to have sex with someone who you’re over-familiar with. Over familiarity kills lust, passion and desire after a while

Genuine lol

And as noted earlier, easily solved by ending your relationship and engaging in casual sex, if that’s how you feel.

Maybe for you . Clearly not for everyone.

I think this is a ‘you’ thing. Perhaps you have got icky habits of using the loo in front of each other and let yourselves go a bit so the romance has died.

what you pay attention to flourishes so maybe pay attention to each other in a loving and sexy way?

This is such an odd take, DH was my best friend for 14 years before we got together. Why is it ick?!

You have to still be attracted to your partner surely? I admit I married for looks!

You might not want to. I take great comfort in knowing every inch of DH. No surprises - I know where his funny moles are, his chicken pox scar. I don’t need to feel self conscious about my weird birth mark.

Personally I can’t think of anything worse than having sex with a sexy stranger. So much pressure and likely to be disappointing.

I’m sorry you don’t love your husband anymore OP but many people get a lot of satisfaction sexually or otherwise out of their LTRs.

Maybe counselling @Oneisnotamused

It's your brother from another mother, mustn't shudder.

Maybe LTRs aren't for you. There's nothing wrong with that, monogamy isn't for everyone!

The familiarity of a partner you have chosen to build a life with is very different to the familiarity of a sibling - someone you were raised with and who no normal person would ever see in a sexual context. The way I feel about my husband is so completely dissimilar to the way I feel about my siblings.

I suppose it depends what you mean by overfamiliar. I like that DH and I are familiar to each other, and foreplay and sex can be funny and a bit daft sometimes as well as sexy. We’ve always been pretty careful about not doing stuff like using the bathroom or farting in front of each other which probably does create an unattractive overfamiliarity. In what ways do you feel your relationship has lost its connection and sexiness? Have you spoken about it together?

Only if you don’t put effort into your relationship. Love and respect each other. Communication is key as well. I’ve been with DH for 25 years still love and find him sexy as hell like the first day I met him.

Well for 40 years I have enjoyed shagging my husband and TBH now that we’re both retired it’s actually even better as have more time and am way more chilled about time and places.

You’re with the wrong person

No, I can’t say becoming closer and more intimate with my partner over years makes me think of him like a brother.

OP, I think you need therapy to unpack why familiarity with an intimate partner specifically means sibling and not husband.

My feelings for dh are not remotely close to how I see my brother 😳 what a weird post.

I recently saw dh ended a large school hall from the other side and it was out of the corner of my eye. I did a double take because I thought “oooh hello, he’s hot…” then realised it was dh and I still really fancy him 24 years later. Can’t imagine wanting to shag some random guy I don’t completely trust.

Speak for yourself and enjoy shagging strangers. There’s no intrinsic ick from shagging someone you’ve fancied for decades.

You are weird.

Speak for yourself.

Nope for most of us its the best part as you both know exactly what you like and enjoy making it better for both of you

i can’t be the only one who’s shagged a few of my friends/colleagues?! One friend is now a husband and still my best friend. I enjoy shagging him very much.

I knew a married couple who discovered on their wedding day they were first cousins!
Basically they met away from their home town in a club in London, found it quite funny they lived so close growing up and never known of the other in their small village.
They did the young professional in London together but had their wedding in their village. During the reception the classic “oh do you know such and such?” Between friends and relatives it was discovered that they hadn’t known of the other because of some family drama and were in fact both the children of estranged brothers.

They broke up a few months into the wedding. As I imagine most would find being related quite the ick. Can’t say I’d feel thrilled knowing my DH was a relative tbh.

We’ve also had threads on here with long lost siblings meeting and falling in love. Those threads have always been incredibly sad but sensitively replied to on the whole.

For most people in long term marriages, their partner is their best friend and that's the best kind of sex imo. Sleeping with your sibling is an icky idea because they are related to you. Not because you love them. I think you're confused about marriage.

Indeed.

More info needed