“Husband accused me of an affair” threads… not ATAAT but a question.

[CunningLinguist2]

Is @devoed okay? Threads disappeared & I am rooting hard for her & her kids against the KH.

About finances, do you think the judge will have expect KH to be job hunting in between hearings?

I don't know. But I would imagine the judge would want to know how he intends to support DC financially and practically while they are with him if there is no evidence of any income. Someone else may know more than me!

I don’t think that comes into it for the children, weirdly.

Really? I am sure I have read something that suggests it does at some point.

Any advice for after we’ve exchanged witness statements?

What can I do to prepare for cross examination?

Which hearing is this for?

I think its impossible to know what will be thrown at you, but you can be almost certain it will be ugly & untruthful.
The best thing is to breath, reply calmly & truthfully. Dont let him /his people rile you with lies..keep your eyes on the judge. (It doesn't matter if you cry. )
He will probably get irate & agitated. You need to be the opposite. Posed, grounded & determined

Children

Will it just be things in my witness statement and his or can they thrown anything up?

They can ask anything, threw a few curve balls to me. I took a fidget ring- kept my hands down under the table and less expressive and something to ground myself. I doodled abd made notes while he was on the stand, gave myself the job of note taker so I focused or writing everything that reacting emotionally (then I read it all that night and cried in the privacy of my own home). Think it just made me go into professional mode despite it being the most awful and emotional time.
Don't label him, describe his behaviours on the stand. Ask them to repeat the question if you need a second to think or breathe.
I was advised by a famoly.member- whatever was the truth, my ex would flip it and make himself the victim. Everything he said had small bits of truth to them, but never actually true. So I was honest where a tiny bit of something was true, or said I didn't understand it. He used some.of.my worries as a mum against me, i said it.
Also, when he is on the stand first, make notes, bullet points, about what you want to respond to or.correct. you can then read the list before you go on the stand to focus yourself.
Wishing you luck!

Thinking of you @Devoed and so rooting for you! 🫶🏼

Yes take notes, you will never be able to recall the big points you want to “clarify” when under pressure

@Devoed If there's an option to have water, take it. You can take a sip when you need to think, which makes it feel less like everyone's looking at you and waiting for an answer.

Best of luck, @Devoed!

Court is fast approaching and I’ve have persistent palpitations since yesterday afternoon. I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to speak in there.

KH has one thing “on” me which was a comment I made at pick up once, it’s not a bad thing but he’s exaggerated and twisted it obvs. I am sure I didn’t say what he says I did but now it’s sewn that seed of doubt.

You are an incredibly strong woman, you will be able to speak. You’ve gone through hell and back and I think you’re awesome. You’ve kept your dignity throughout and can hold your head up high!! Remember, you’re just speaking the truth, there’s nothing more than that you can do. He has so many rabbit holes he can fall down due to the lies and fabrication that has been coming out of his stupid,
fat gob.

Your children are lucky to have you and I’ll be praying to all my goddesses for you.

Please believe in yourself. You've done so much and come so far. It is horrible for you that you have to face KH in court, but we all believe in you. Just stick to the facts, don't be afraid to ask for a moment if you need it, don't be afraid to clarify something if he has twisted it. We are all going to be right there in your pocket silently cheering you on. In fact, have you got something you could put in your pocket to hold onto when you feel panicky? Just to remind you that lots of people are supporting you and believe in you.

He can say you said “XYZ”. Who was there to confirm it ?
Anyone can potentially make false accusations.
The judge won’t want to hear “he said, she said.”
its not a good idea to get into minutiae, tit for tat, unless questioned on it. In which case you say
”This accusation is pure fabrication ” or “that is not what i said, he is exploiting a passing comment.”
Yes, put a pebble in your pocket…we are rooting for you.

Remember to breathe

Wishing you the best of luck. Breathe deeply and think positively. If it's not too late don't share your witness statement until the last minute because he will use what you've written and counter argue against any of it.
This may go without saying but dress smart and show respect to everyone there (even him!). My ex turned up scruffy and shook his head at something the judge said. He also denied scientific evidence provided. It didn't go down well and in the last hearing he got roasted!

Id say look tidy but not wealthy! You want the judge to believe you are not rich, the only salary provider in this former marriage, & now homeless because your loser H provided next to nothing & has refused you entry into the home you paid for.
So consider the image you are projecting

That’s it, it was a passing comment made to DC. His doorbell may have picked it up although I was on the road rather than the drive.

@Mix56
I couldn’t look wealthy if I tried 😂

My statement and evidence were long (within the limit), I imagine that means I am open to a lot more questions. I’ll revise it all this weekend with dates, etc.

I am just not sure what kind of questions they will ask.

I’m feeling very let down by CAFCASS again.

They wrote a second report, this was meant to be about our witness statements, but they’ve not mentioned the witness statements and have instead just talked through everything DC said to them.

Again, everything they have written is in line with what I’ve said but then they’ve thrown in a random schedule recommendation that doesn’t fit with what’s been said elsewhere in the report and without justification.

Obviously, I’ll have my barrister to question this but it does seem weird.

Really feel for you, you're doing brilliantly despite all the obstacles. Keep believing in yourself. Is there anyway you could start a new thread? I'm sure I'm one among many thinking of and rooting for you. The title would only need to mention KH, those of us that know, know.

I’ll do that when it’s over and share everything on there.

Thank you xx

I am rooting for you too. I am sorry CAFCASS seem to be unhelpful with the schedule suggestion. Talking to your lawyer and making the reasons why this won't work crystal clear is definitely the right thing to do.