“Husband accused me of an affair” threads… not ATAAT but a question.

[CunningLinguist2]

Is @devoed okay? Threads disappeared & I am rooting hard for her & her kids against the KH.

For now, at least, I feel I need to show I’m trying and give him opportunities to coparent.

I don’t feel I can say he won’t, when he can they say I’ve stopped giving him the opportunity to do so.

Just checking in @Devoedto see if you’re ok. Hope this year is better for you so far

@MysticHalfWitch
thank you…just more waiting.

KH’s communication is getting worse, he just keeps signing any message off saying he won’t speak to me on the topic again.

It is bonkers and really sad for DC.

He’s doing it to himself. Speaking from experience, try not to worry about things you can’t control …. It’s bloody hard though. I’m 8 years in and life gets easier

If things remain as they are, I can cope with this. If he ends up with 50/50, I just cannot see how this will work

Chances are you can't have 50/50 because conflict is so hard. So him refusing to communicate is great for that reason alone. Not great for the kids or you, a reasonable person.
My ex does the same helped me in court to say how do we coparent when he refuses to communicate about anything I deem as important for the kids. Keep documenting!

Sending hugs @Devoed 🩵🩵

@BookArt55
I hope you’re right, particularly as it’s one sided. There is some case law though which says that I parent shouldn’t be denied time with children because of parental conflict.

I could understand that if I were the one being high conflict and that case law was, probably, to stop one party purposefully creating conflict. I’m not though, he is whilst also being the one pushing for more time.

I'm so happy you're ok Devoed, I was so worried about you when the thread disappeared. You crossed my mind this morning and I found this thread. You're amazing and I hope everything works out for you and your DC.

I guess that I would look at it as the more he does this, the more he is proving that he can’t co-parent.

I’m still being cautious of sharing too much but I can fill you all in once it’s over….in short, he’s being as bad as ever.

You are right though, @Daftapath, I keep telling myself that. At least he’s not pretending to be the dream coparent

Keeping everything crossed for a good outcome for you and DC, Devoed.

Definitely sensible to be cautious about what you share for now. I posted very little about my awful divorce whilst in the throes too. I wouldn’t have put it past my then husband to have been trawling through Mumsnet looking for any posts I made!

Somewhere along the line, surely it has got look bad to the court on his part, that he won't communicate RE your DC?

Your patience in going through every step in the necessary processes to get the best outcome for your DC is amazing @Devoed .

Keep your side of the street calm and clean. Cafcass will see it, submit evidence of this behaviour to court to show his patterns.
I know this is a really hard time, going through Family Court is not easy in the slightest. You've got a lot of people routing for you!

Turns out he was seeking legal advice before I’d said I wanted out…like, months before. Which is what he accused me of doing.

Or he has a secret family.

Both are plausible when it come to KH

So, it feels pretty obvious that he was always going to push it down the court route.

I am not surprised!

Keep looking ahead, when you are finally free of him the relief will be amazing.

💐

So he was projecting on to you that you were seeking legal advice, when in fact it was him.

And when is HE giving YOU a chance to coparent? (Never)
you are doing great & anyone with half a brain can see that, be it a judge, barrister etc. HANG IN THERE!

@Devoed,
i wanted to also say I was thinking of you and admire your strength in horrendous circumstances.

I was in an horrendous situation 23 years ago. Lost everything fortunately no children involved. I was in a women’s refuge while he remained in the lovely house all supported by my adoptive parents. At the time it seems things shall remain dark and there is little light. The slowly but surely the glimmer of light appeared and then colours joined those lights to make a rainbow. There has still been dark times however I survived and in time I grew to be a warrior woman.

I walked away from them all, continued my education and a new world opened up to me. I hope the same for you, whatever direction to take with your life. You are raising sons who will know how to treat their partners and will be in a position to be proud of your sons. He will end up sad and alone. Honestly the best form of revenge is best achieved by living well and how you want to live.

CAFCASS want to meet DC again and now I’m spiralling.

I know KH has been saying to them about things being “fair” and divided equally, I’m worried DC parrots that.

Another bout of sleepless nights ahead.

You may have said this before - apologies if I missed it - but have you had the chance to tell CAFCASS that you are concerned about what he tells the children?

Yes, I’ve told them.

CAFCASS want to talk to DC about the court process which seems wholly inappropriate IMO. I’ve asked for a call back.

If KH is talking to the DCs about the court process, CAFCASS will want to speak to them to find out what he’s saying. If they do parrot things he’s said, that will work in your favour and prove that he’s involving the DCs in inappropriate discussions. They will also set the record straight with DCs in a child-friendly way. I understand that it’s extra stress that you really don’t need, but he really is hanging himself with his own rope.

Stay strong @Devoed, you are doing brilliantly! 💐

@Devoed just to say I’ve not forgotten about you and hope you’re hanging in there. You’re doing really well!!! Let KH do what he does - it’ll be clear for all to see that he’s vindictive, unhinged & spiteful.
No need to reply/update :)