“Husband accused me of an affair” threads… not ATAAT but a question.

[CunningLinguist2]

Is @devoed okay? Threads disappeared & I am rooting hard for her & her kids against the KH.

Completely understand you need to be wary at the moment, I was thinking more somewhere to see the support for you, rather than you sharing info. Totally appreciate this is your real life.
You can and will get there.

Their proposal is basically bouncing between homes two nights at a time.

I don’t know anyone whose children have their time split like that.

Thats a real waste if time, is that what they are suggesting?

Pretty much, yes….ive listed a million reasons it isn’t in DC best interest. Nor have they said why it’s in DC best interest.

Solicitor said it’s good that it’s so ambiguous, better than being hell bent

When is this being heard ? I feel so sorry for you having this strung out so long.

I hope that it all goes well for you. It must be such a stressful time … and that is what xh wants. I don’t have any advice as I have no experience with this (xh only wanted to argue about money, didn’t want to see the dcs!).

Just remember that this will all be over soon and it will all be a distant memory 🤞🏻

@Mix56
really soon which is why I’m starting to panic

I really hope the hearing goes smoothly for you @Devoed

oh gosh. I saw this and remember your earlier threads. I’m so in awe of your tenacity and fight, even when it’s really rough. I’ve no advice but just wanted to add another voice the many supporting you.

I hope you were heard today, Devoed 💐

Thinking of you @Devoed ! 💐🩵

Hope you are OK, @Devoed. Sending a handhold.

Not been heard yet. I’m still panicking about being cross examined…I talk very quickly and have been known to waffle

Bless you! Just remember to breathe!

As PP said remember to breathe. Also stop at the end of sentences, what can seem like a lifetime is really only a few seconds and it is fine to make people wait whilst you pause. It also gives you thinking time, you’re allowed to think about your response, so don’t feel obliged to dive in. To those listening to you it won’t feel like long at all. Don’t say um and ahh to fill the gap just stop, you will be fine. You’ve got this. Stick to the truth and you will come cross as sane and rational in a way that KH just won’t.

Also remember the water trick. Take a sip of water, use it as thinking time. And put something in your pocket and hold it to remind you that you have got this and we are all behind you. It is perfectly OK to say 'sorry, can I just have a moment to make sure I have got this right'. Stick to the facts. You won't have any trouble recalling things that are true. If you think you have gone off the point because of waffle, say so and say 'sorry, let me start that again, I'm a bit nervous but this was actually the thing you need to know'. You can prepare a few neutral things that you can say to buy time to think and practise saying them.

It's OK to be nervous. Who wouldn't be? It's a very important thing and KH is a KH. But you can do it.

You have totally got this.

Wil be thinking of you x

I waffle too! Water sipping and something to fiddle with- bit of blue tac and a fidget ring- saved me, great advice from above. At one point j completely forgot the question, had gone on a tangent and had to ask the judge to repeat their question... it was fine! You'll be honest and child focused as always so it will be okay. Remember, he has to keep up with his many lies, and then remember it isn't about hjm and try to think quickly about how it affects the kids- something that doesn't come easily to him! Thinking of you! Hoping for good news!

I hadn’t thought about the judge asking questions…does he just chip in as the barristers ask you things?!

It’s over…judge didn’t cross examine.

KH has 2 nights one week, 4 nights in week 2. I had offered 4/1, KH wanted 5/2 so judge went down the middle.

Judge didn’t care about his behaviour or anything, just said DC seemed resilient.

I am so angry KH can treat us like he has without ramification.

I'm glad it's over for you. I'm so sorry you didn't get what you wanted. I hope you can find some peace now.

Do you think KH will step up with his nights and actually be a parent? Although this isn't what you wanted, it may very well change over time and your DC will grow up and be able to have more input into where they spend their lives.

That is shocking that there were no consequences as a result of his actions, Devoed 💐

I still get a six night stretch, and the holidays went my way. It’s only one extra night to what I was proposing so I’m trying to look at the positives.

I am just so angry at the world…and KH. I really don’t feel my barrister could have done any more, there was a night between us which feels like a lot but, in reality, it’s minimal.

I’m meant to be at work tomorrow and I just don’t know if I can face it.

I just feel in shock it’s all over, scared my life is now tied to this court order, angry it’s okay to be treated like we have and sick.

I really thinking that I would feel better ince court was done, but then once it was done it was like tbe worlds worst handover. Emotionally so drained I crashed. Be kind to yourself, you've done amazingly and I am sorry KH got away with so much... outrageous!