Feeling really let down...

[SpookyTeacup]

Just been told by DH that I have no Christmas present this year as it hasn't arrived. I've got a feeling its exactly what I told him under no circumstances is he to buy me (sexy lingerie/nightwear) due to his reaction when I asked him if it was that - '.... no... why?'. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and I feel huge, disgusting and hate how much weight I've gained. I couldn't feel further from sexy if I tried. All I've asked for is a nice big pair of PJ bottoms that I can be comfortable in and will become part of my hospital bag. I'm dreading Christmas now because I feel like I'm going to end up crying the entire day, but also feel like I'm acting like a spoiled brat.

Lol I didn’t say that you didn’t. 🙄

lol great we are on the same page 🙄

Concentrate on your pregnancy and the baby to come, I know this is a much wanted baby for you and will be your only one - does he want the baby as much as you do ?

This was your last Christmas as a couple, before baby comes. Be aware / prepared it may be your last Christmas together.

Not quite! For example I didn’t berate the OP for being childish.

Enjoy Boxing Day!

I suspect op there is possibly an issue that needs discussing at the back of this - which isn't to say he isn't in the wrong in the way he has handled this.

I will be quite interested to see what arrives when his gift does come, but I can't help feeling this has everything to do with the fact you have asked for non-sexy pjs and he has dug his toes in over the fact they aren't sexy.

Men also get jitters over the changes that come into their lives with the arrival of a baby. It is so visceral and huge for us because we actually carry the baby and feel everything from nausea to mastitis to a failure to squeeze into our clothes.

But I guess he is also going through a realisation of what is changing, in particular your priorities - as they ought to. But "ought to" doesn't mean they aren't nonetheless a change, and we all find change hard at times, especially the bits we have enjoyed of the old ways.

I can't help but feel if you had asked for a pair of shoes, or make-up or chocolates - or basically anything other than non sexy sleepwear or underwear he might have felt happier about buying it. That doesn't mean he isn't in the wrong, but I suspect this isn't so much about simply not caring for you as resisting that particular item.

Equally he may just be an arse generally and fundamentally, but I feel like you are saying that hasn't been the case historically.

Sorry to hear this. Next year, don't bother buying him anything.....or maybe ignore his birthday....
I'm someone who basically buys my own Christmas presents and leaves them for my DH to wrap.....or get my mum on the job!!

Enjoying it very much thanks.

Yeah that’s true, I don’t write passive aggressive comments to make a point - like have a great day.

Well I was making a point really about the OP not valuing herself enough.

No I wouldn't expect all those gifts but it would give me an insight into how much I was valued. I buy them all for myself throughout the year anyway.

I dont need a lot of money spending on me to feel valued. I would rather have a partner who respects me and cares for me as opposed to buying my love

I didn't go to my mums. Its a bit of a drive and probably would've ended up more stressed out so I parked myself in the living room and found ways to keep myself entertained/happy. Made a start on my baby registry, ordered some things for the nursery and tomorrow I'll be heading out to buy materials to get it decorated. I think he knows hes fucked up, he hasn't left my side and hasn't been on his PC since yesterday morning. He's also been the one to say about getting the nursery sorted and has been doing other maintenance jobs around the house.

He's definitely not forgiven and I hope it was a lapse of judgement as he isnt usually like this. I'll see if anything actually turns up, and that its not what I'm dreading.

Not good enough in my view given the stuff you posted about him earlier in the thread. Laughing at you being upset. Buying you nothing for your Christmas apart from potentially sexy underwear you did not want. Sorry but don't let him off the hook this easily

Don't ignore the red flags

He's really not off the hook at all. I'm evidently still pissed with him, which I'm guessing is why he's now getting all these things done which he knows I want doing. Just not sure divorcing someone over PJs at 30 weeks pregnant, like other PPs have suggested, is acting rationally when this is a first

I agree that divorcing hm over a pair of PJs would be absurd. But I do think you should be thinking hard about the fact he's been an arsehole lately, just when you need him to step up.

It would be wise to make sure you have a sound plan B so you have better options if things don't improve massively, especially in the months just after birth. Many abusers only start once you're pregnant, it's well documented. Don't let yourself get trapped.

This is a sane take. No reason to hurry or make a rash decision.

It's not about the pjs though, is it? There's a much bigger picture here

You said that he's been treating you poorly for a while I'm sure. It's not about pj's. It's about the laughing at you. The buying you nothing. The dismissing your feelings. The gamingm I didn't say divorce him but there are some huge red flags in your previous posts. Don't ignore them

This

He doesn't sound like he does. Couldn't even be arsed to buy you a pair of pyjamas

And laughing at her and speaking unkindly to her when she was visibly upset. What a prince!

@SpookyTeacup

How's it all going now?

Thinking of you.

OP, he's not a good man.
Prepare for the worst while hoping for the best.
Mind yourself.

Please remember this post

One year an ex got me a 99p card. When people show you what you really mean to them don't ignore the red flags

Of course you felt let down. His comment about being a baby when he had nothing for you was totally unacceptable. He ruined your Christmas from not caring enough to make sure you felt loved, even when you were honest 48 hours before the big day that his lack of present would upset you.

Is there a reason why this ‘lack of care’ is rearing its ugly head after 10 years of trying for a baby together? I thought this happy news would have brought you closer. I’d be trying to find the root cause of this. If you’ve been arguing recently, what is it he’s been moaning about? Possibly lack of attention from you, now that your minds on the baby. BTW, if it is this, this will get worse when the baby arrives.

Really pleased he’s realised his mistake. Get all the jobs done before he returns to being a selfish prick!

He's a cunt. Don't make excuses for him because he stepped away from his Pc for one day and bought you a gift card. Not good enough on any level.

Laughed at you when you were upset. Went off gaming?

He's a misogynist and a man child - and I hope the scales fall from your eyes soon

I have a brother who is in his 40s. He is the nicest kindest person you will ever meet

He's had a horrible few years himself thanks to a toxic ex. I can't ever imagine him treating a partner like this. Ever

I have spent most of my life making excuses for men who were awful to me

Don't do that

I have a DD, who is the same amount of weeks pregnant as you OP. Her partner seems fine so far, if he was a prat like your DH I would be very pissed off and might address it with him, in discussion with my DD. I would be watching however. Pregnancy brings out all sorts of dickish behaviour - not condoning it - but I hope you are able to discuss and have a line in the sand about what is tolerable and what isn’t.
All the best for the next weeks