Page 11 | Feeling really let down...

SpookyTeacup · 2025-12-23T17:58:50+00:00

Just been told by DH that I have no Christmas present this year as it hasn't arrived. I've got a feeling its exactly what I told him under no circumstances is he to buy me (sexy lingerie/nightwear) due to his reaction when I asked him if it was that - '.... no... why?'. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and I feel huge, disgusting and hate how much weight I've gained. I couldn't feel further from sexy if I tried. All I've asked for is a nice big pair of PJ bottoms that I can be comfortable in and will become part of my hospital bag. I'm dreading Christmas now because I feel like I'm going to end up crying the entire day, but also feel like I'm acting like a spoiled brat.

k1233 · 26/12/2025 06:33

SpookyTeacup · 25/12/2025 17:43

Im disappointed in the lack of care he's shown. To me, it shows how little he thinks of me. We do presents every year, and I'm one of these people who buys things throughout the year as she wants it so I appreciate I'm not always the easiest to buy for. He does tend to just get me exactly what I've asked for which is perfectly fine in my eyes (and preferred!). Again, I'm not bothered about how much it costs or how many presents there are... just that he would care enough to get me something, especially something he knows I really need, because I'm so uncomfortable squeezing into my pre-pregnancy pyjamas and I feel gross with everything hanging out. Plus, it'd be nice to feel comfortable/dignified in the hospital.

I dont want mountains of presents. I just want a £15 pair of PJ bottoms from a supermarket.

I didn't spend as much on him as I would this year, just got a few little bits probably totalling up to £70/£80 because things are tight whilst we save for baby & maternity leave.

Its not the gift, it's not the amount, its that he doesn't care enough to even get me one thing... the one thing he knows would make me extremely happy.

And if it does turn out to be lingerie when/if it ever comes then god help him.

He did pay for an online voucher for me so I could purchase something for myself. Obviously its too little too late and I'm irreversibly pissed at this point.

If it's lingerie, take great delight in chopping it into small pieces. Just the thing to help with the level of pissed off you will feel.

Eastie77Returns · 26/12/2025 06:55

Order yourself the PJs bottoms. You say you buy yourself stuff throughout the year so I don’t understand why you just didn’t buy yourself a pair ages ago. It’s a run of the mill piece of clothing that you can pick in 5 minutes. There is absolutely no need for tears and drama over this. You are heavily pregnant, why sleep thorough weeks of discomfort?

Your husband being a twat is a separate issue. Although I’m not jumping to LTB, if you do think he is being abusive (outside of the gift issue because not buying you PJs and failing to source a replacement gift is thoughtless, not abusive) then of course you should leave because your welfare and that of your baby must come first.

99bottlesofkombucha · 26/12/2025 08:07

I am so sorry he’s so uncaring op. I wish you a very healthy baby, but I really think the time to have it out with him is before the birth. He’s being an asshole- move out to your mums and look after yourself. Tell him you don’t see this working as if he’s this selfish now he will be a terrible dad and an even more terrible partner than he is now, and you’re the pregnant one who is keeping baby healthy so you have no energy to explain to him all the ways a decent man would behave, you’re going to concentrate on baby and he can carry on concentrating on himself.

although I’d pack the gaming equipment and take it with me because as well as believing firmly in recognising what’s in your control to change and acting on that, I can also be very petty. He deserves it (& you deserve the gaming equipment too tbh)

Supergirl1958 · 26/12/2025 08:36

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 01:14

The poster I responded to said she expected perfume chocolates etc.

Show quote history

I think it’s clear from your replies that you think the OP acted in a way that they shouldn’t over a pair of pj pants. You also didn’t make it clear who you were critiquing!
Maybe you aren’t a big gift person, that’s fine, but lots of this is much more than the gift. There was promise of a gift and the gift wasn’t received, then there was laughing in her face about it. It’s much more than a gift it’s a sign of things to come.

I do like a gift or two at Christmas, but we don’t go excessively mad or buy things we don’t need. This year my husband and I both needed a new pair of trainers, so that’s what we did. We were savvy and found a discount code! Nothing flashy, but practical! He also needs some new fish for his tank so I’m going to purchase them for him when he is ready. I got some bath stuff because I like to have relaxing baths, neither a necessity or practical but a kind gesture.

I think it’s clear you aren’t a gift person and that’s ok, but this whole thread isn’t really about that, or indeed the OPs reaction. It’s about her husband’s shitty behaviour! Stop going on about gifting!

BarilynBordeaux · 26/12/2025 09:13

Eastie77Returns · 26/12/2025 06:55

Order yourself the PJs bottoms. You say you buy yourself stuff throughout the year so I don’t understand why you just didn’t buy yourself a pair ages ago. It’s a run of the mill piece of clothing that you can pick in 5 minutes. There is absolutely no need for tears and drama over this. You are heavily pregnant, why sleep thorough weeks of discomfort?

Your husband being a twat is a separate issue. Although I’m not jumping to LTB, if you do think he is being abusive (outside of the gift issue because not buying you PJs and failing to source a replacement gift is thoughtless, not abusive) then of course you should leave because your welfare and that of your baby must come first.

It’s not just failing to get a gift though, is it? I think laughing in someone’s face and calling them names when they’re upset is abusive personally. After years of IVF, I do think the least someone can do is not treat the woman carrying their baby with contempt. Laughing at your heavily pregnant partner because she’s sad she received nothing on Christmas Day is a leave from me.

Original poster

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 09:14

Eastie77Returns · 26/12/2025 06:55

Order yourself the PJs bottoms. You say you buy yourself stuff throughout the year so I don’t understand why you just didn’t buy yourself a pair ages ago. It’s a run of the mill piece of clothing that you can pick in 5 minutes. There is absolutely no need for tears and drama over this. You are heavily pregnant, why sleep thorough weeks of discomfort?

Your husband being a twat is a separate issue. Although I’m not jumping to LTB, if you do think he is being abusive (outside of the gift issue because not buying you PJs and failing to source a replacement gift is thoughtless, not abusive) then of course you should leave because your welfare and that of your baby must come first.

I asked for them maybe 5-6 weeks ago, and a nice pair of slippers for the hospital. Didn't think it would be fair to then go and buy the very thing I'd asked for. I dont sleep in pyjamas, they're comfort wear around the house.

Not sure why I should be buying his Christmas presents he asked for, then also buying my own because he doesn't want to do one small thing for me.

I've ordered them now anyway. 2 pairs for £23 and arriving Tuesday. Goes to show how little effort it needed!

OP posts:

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 26/12/2025 09:27

OP, we see this a lot on MN. Basically, now that you're pregnant, he thinks you'll never, ever leave him, and he can sit back and treat you how he likes. Whether he's right about that or not is beside the point, but you have to make him believe that you would do so. I think this starts with demanding better treatment and being visibly pissed off at him for the last few days. Oh, he thinks he's sitting pretty, doesn't he! So much so that he thinks he can afford to chuckle at your concerns and then call you a big baby. I am fuming on your behalf.

Listen, you may be heavily pregnant, but you have more power than you know. I read about the concept of personal power years ago, and it's got nothing to do with how much you have materially. It's basically about standing up for yourself no matter how much there might be to lose. He thinks you'll take it because you're heavily pregnant and he thinks having his baby means you'll be tied to him. Show him that he's wrong. I don't know who holds the financial power, but even if we assume it's all him, stand up to him anyway. He won't be expecting it.

And at some point, slip in a story about how your friend left her husband and she stayed in the family home while he pays her a lot of money and he has to live in a small one-bed flat.

Original poster

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 09:48

Fortunately I hold the financial power

OP posts:

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 26/12/2025 10:04

Have you spoken to him since you went to your mums?

how are you feeling today? What do you want to happen now?

Eastie77Returns · 26/12/2025 10:10

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 09:14

I asked for them maybe 5-6 weeks ago, and a nice pair of slippers for the hospital. Didn't think it would be fair to then go and buy the very thing I'd asked for. I dont sleep in pyjamas, they're comfort wear around the house.

Not sure why I should be buying his Christmas presents he asked for, then also buying my own because he doesn't want to do one small thing for me.

I've ordered them now anyway. 2 pairs for £23 and arriving Tuesday. Goes to show how little effort it needed!

Show quote history

I’m glad you got them. I wasn’t having a go at you and apologies if it came across that way. It’s just that personally if I needed something basic like PJ’s and slippers I’d just order them (I wouldn’t trust my DP to buy me a decent set) and avoid all this stress over not getting them for Christmas. They are not my idea of Xmas gifts.

I also wouldn’t have bought him any presents since he is being an arse over buying such low effort gifts for you.

Supergirl1958 · 26/12/2025 10:20

OP did you go to your mums, and how are things with your husband today?

Eastie77Returns · 26/12/2025 10:21

BarilynBordeaux · 26/12/2025 09:13

It’s not just failing to get a gift though, is it? I think laughing in someone’s face and calling them names when they’re upset is abusive personally. After years of IVF, I do think the least someone can do is not treat the woman carrying their baby with contempt. Laughing at your heavily pregnant partner because she’s sad she received nothing on Christmas Day is a leave from me.

Show quote history

You would leave your DH when heavily pregnant because he failed to buy you PJs for Xmas, chuckled at you and then gave you an online voucher to buy yourself a gift? This is abuse?

OP says his thoughtless behaviour is a recent thing, in their 10 years together he has not behaved like this. He pulls his weight in the house.

I’m not disputing he has been an arse over the Xmas gift but some of the comments on this thread suggesting he is a massive abuser, talk of huge red flags, OP needs to leave now…it’s all a bit dramatic based on the info we have from OP isn’t it?

MamaJenni · 26/12/2025 10:28

Eastie77Returns · 26/12/2025 10:21

You would leave your DH when heavily pregnant because he failed to buy you PJs for Xmas, chuckled at you and then gave you an online voucher to buy yourself a gift? This is abuse?

OP says his thoughtless behaviour is a recent thing, in their 10 years together he has not behaved like this. He pulls his weight in the house.

I’m not disputing he has been an arse over the Xmas gift but some of the comments on this thread suggesting he is a massive abuser, talk of huge red flags, OP needs to leave now…it’s all a bit dramatic based on the info we have from OP isn’t it?

Show quote history

A lot of us have been there with similar relationships. We recognise the early signs and red flags

IsawwhatIsaw · 26/12/2025 10:31

It just shows a lack of care as basically he couldn’t be bothered to organise a straightforward gift. Also that he seems amused Op is now upset.

MamaJenni · 26/12/2025 10:32

IsawwhatIsaw · 26/12/2025 10:31

It just shows a lack of care as basically he couldn’t be bothered to organise a straightforward gift. Also that he seems amused Op is now upset.

Yeah hes getting a kick out of calling op a little baby and seeing her so upset

Eudaimonia11 · 26/12/2025 10:34

@Eastie77Returns ”it’s all a bit dramatic” is what leads to women putting up with shitty husbands for years - and I’m not agreeing with the pp who are saying he’s abusive. Yes, I’d leave him over this. He decided not to buy his pregnant wife a gift at Christmas and then ridiculed her when she was upset. That tells me everything I need to know about his character.

ChristmasCinderella2025 · 26/12/2025 11:09

Name changed for this!

Have a look at this Instagram post by NarcAbuseCoach and his other recent posts.

Do any of these behaviours look familiar to you?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSqHkPaExuQ/

I also did not receive a single Christmas present yesterday from DH or DD (aged 13, so I would have expected DH to organise her present).

To watch DH and DD open over 20 presents from me, yet not even receive one small present to thank me for all my hard work over the year cut me to the core.

I spent two full days Christmas shopping with DD and sitting with her to wrap up DH and my extended family’s presents, yet she claims she “completely forgot“ to buy me a present and spent over an hour in floods of tears yesterday feeling bad that DH and she had upset me so much.

Now DH is telling me that by being so “childish“ and upset about not receiving a present I ruined Christmas for DD and the whole family and he is demanding that I apologise to HIM!

Please think carefully, as raising a child with a narcissist is a soul-destroying task and risks a childhood of conflict, sadness and treading on eggshells, often leading to long term mental health issues as a teenager and beyond.

Danish Bashir on Instagram: "Narcissists reveal their ugliest side during Christmas and holidays"

Christmas and holiday gatherings can be a challenging time for those dealing with narcissistic partners, family members, or friends. Narcissists often use these special occasions to reveal their true nature, exhibiting signs of manipulation, emotional...

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSqHkPaExuQ/

cantbearsed247 · 26/12/2025 11:18

If his behaviour has only recently changed OP I'd be wondering why. He has also avoided buying you anything you wanted for the birth of the baby I notice.

My concern would be that he's not sure he actually wants this baby after all and is avoiding anything to do with you giving birth. Is that possible?

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 26/12/2025 11:26

ChristmasCinderella2025 · 26/12/2025 11:09

Name changed for this!

Have a look at this Instagram post by NarcAbuseCoach and his other recent posts.

Do any of these behaviours look familiar to you?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSqHkPaExuQ/

I also did not receive a single Christmas present yesterday from DH or DD (aged 13, so I would have expected DH to organise her present).

To watch DH and DD open over 20 presents from me, yet not even receive one small present to thank me for all my hard work over the year cut me to the core.

I spent two full days Christmas shopping with DD and sitting with her to wrap up DH and my extended family’s presents, yet she claims she “completely forgot“ to buy me a present and spent over an hour in floods of tears yesterday feeling bad that DH and she had upset me so much.

Now DH is telling me that by being so “childish“ and upset about not receiving a present I ruined Christmas for DD and the whole family and he is demanding that I apologise to HIM!

Please think carefully, as raising a child with a narcissist is a soul-destroying task and risks a childhood of conflict, sadness and treading on eggshells, often leading to long term mental health issues as a teenager and beyond.

I'm so sorry for you x

Your husband is a cunt.
Can you leave? x

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 11:30

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 02:41

She wanted a pair of pyjamas

Show quote history

Yes the OP did. The poster I was responding to didnt.

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 11:32

Supergirl1958 · 26/12/2025 08:36

I think it’s clear from your replies that you think the OP acted in a way that they shouldn’t over a pair of pj pants. You also didn’t make it clear who you were critiquing!
Maybe you aren’t a big gift person, that’s fine, but lots of this is much more than the gift. There was promise of a gift and the gift wasn’t received, then there was laughing in her face about it. It’s much more than a gift it’s a sign of things to come.

I do like a gift or two at Christmas, but we don’t go excessively mad or buy things we don’t need. This year my husband and I both needed a new pair of trainers, so that’s what we did. We were savvy and found a discount code! Nothing flashy, but practical! He also needs some new fish for his tank so I’m going to purchase them for him when he is ready. I got some bath stuff because I like to have relaxing baths, neither a necessity or practical but a kind gesture.

I think it’s clear you aren’t a gift person and that’s ok, but this whole thread isn’t really about that, or indeed the OPs reaction. It’s about her husband’s shitty behaviour! Stop going on about gifting!

Show quote history

Okay then stop going on about what the post is about. I said it was about her husbands behaviour originally. Just because I don’t agree doesn’t mean I am wrong, can’t read or don’t understand.

StarDolphins · 26/12/2025 11:37

I’m with you op. YNBU!

My ex used to do this all the time. He used to sneer at normal (perfectly fine) PJ’s and call them ‘gran grans’ and if I dared wear my oodie, he’d say “are you not taking your overalls off”. The amount of times something red, itchy and tacky turned up🙄

Wowwhataworld · 26/12/2025 11:38

Hey @SpookyTeacup as a fellow ivf mum (7 years for us) and a beautiful little girl I have sadly seen this many a time for people. The pregnancy dream, it taking so long and once it finally happens the man being a bit of an arse.
Listen after years of trying, the devastation of another failed treatment, the grieving what could have been, the fear and hopelessness you deserve more. At the end of the day you will now have what you always wanted and she will be the most important thing in your life. Enjoy being a mum and cherish every single moment, even the bad ones, my dd is now 9 and it had flown by! If he wants to up his game and be there along the way great, if he doesn’t then that’s fine to because nothing will ever beat finally becoming a mum! X

Eastie77Returns · 26/12/2025 11:54

Eudaimonia11 · 26/12/2025 10:34

@Eastie77Returns ”it’s all a bit dramatic” is what leads to women putting up with shitty husbands for years - and I’m not agreeing with the pp who are saying he’s abusive. Yes, I’d leave him over this. He decided not to buy his pregnant wife a gift at Christmas and then ridiculed her when she was upset. That tells me everything I need to know about his character.

I think the divorce rate in this country would be sky high if marriages ended over missed or less than perfect Xmas presents but ok.

As for laughing at OP, it could have been a spiteful mocking laugh and the precursor to more abuse. Or it could have been a bemused chuckle at the whole situation.

If this was a new relationship then I’d understand all the cries of LTB. But OP has been with this man for 10 years and he has given her gifts previously for birthdays and Christmas. He fails to buy her a gift of PJ’s on this one occasion and has responded inappropriately with a laugh. I would personally opt for talking things over before calling a solicitor.

Anyway, she has PJs now and said she holds all the financial power in their marriage so guess she can leave him🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster

SpookyTeacup · 26/12/2025 12:05

ChristmasCinderella2025 · 26/12/2025 11:09

Name changed for this!

Have a look at this Instagram post by NarcAbuseCoach and his other recent posts.

Do any of these behaviours look familiar to you?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSqHkPaExuQ/

I also did not receive a single Christmas present yesterday from DH or DD (aged 13, so I would have expected DH to organise her present).

To watch DH and DD open over 20 presents from me, yet not even receive one small present to thank me for all my hard work over the year cut me to the core.

I spent two full days Christmas shopping with DD and sitting with her to wrap up DH and my extended family’s presents, yet she claims she “completely forgot“ to buy me a present and spent over an hour in floods of tears yesterday feeling bad that DH and she had upset me so much.

Now DH is telling me that by being so “childish“ and upset about not receiving a present I ruined Christmas for DD and the whole family and he is demanding that I apologise to HIM!

Please think carefully, as raising a child with a narcissist is a soul-destroying task and risks a childhood of conflict, sadness and treading on eggshells, often leading to long term mental health issues as a teenager and beyond.

Jesus 🥺 I'm so sorry 💔

OP posts: