Feeling really let down...

[SpookyTeacup]

Just been told by DH that I have no Christmas present this year as it hasn't arrived. I've got a feeling its exactly what I told him under no circumstances is he to buy me (sexy lingerie/nightwear) due to his reaction when I asked him if it was that - '.... no... why?'. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and I feel huge, disgusting and hate how much weight I've gained. I couldn't feel further from sexy if I tried. All I've asked for is a nice big pair of PJ bottoms that I can be comfortable in and will become part of my hospital bag. I'm dreading Christmas now because I feel like I'm going to end up crying the entire day, but also feel like I'm acting like a spoiled brat.

Just don't let your guard down, OP, what he's done to you is horrible. It may be worth having a chat with your MW over it during your next appointment, just so she's aware too. He's behaved in an abusive way, and whilst it's a first, it may not be the last. I'd also have a bag packed ready so that if you do need to escape in a hurry, you've got everything you need at hand. You can say it's a just-in-case "going into hospital" emergency bag. Don't let him ruin this experience for you, and hopefully it was just an unusual breach of trust.

Oh god that’s awful. I’m sorry your H is a prick

So a stepdaughter situation with an abusive arsehole.

Start organising yourself OP.
No doubt you have been skivvy aupair for his child for years?
Thats sadly how it goes on MN.
They get increasingly nasty once they perceive you as stuck.

Don't ruin this experience of motherboard with a nasty abusive man.
Use the 10 weeks to reach out for support.
Tell your Health visitor, family and friends that you need support.
You deserve so much better than this.

"How you do anything is how you do everything"
Please think carefully about who this man is OP

but he's been nothing short of an arsehole lately'

Your own words, not ours.

I'll provide an update to everyone... I LTB.

You were all right, the abuse kept escalating and got so much worse when baby arrived. He became abusive towards her, too. I escaped, contacted the police and applied for an emergency non molestation order to protect us both.

He was beyond jealous of the baby, wanted sex 3 weeks after giving birth (I tore in 3 places), constantly grabbed at my boobs despite me telling him no. I'm breastfeeding. He'd question why I didnt dress sexy anymore after a couple of weeks of giving birth, and if I struggled to do something and responded with 'I've just given birth' his response was 'how long are you going to use that excuse for'. He'd get aggressive and shout and swear at the baby if she made a noise because she was hungry, hiccupped, was sick, wiggled and don't get me started on his reaction to cluster feeding.

We're both safe now, and life is so much easier and peaceful without him. My little girl is fast asleep in her bed as I type this and I'm so glad she'll now grow up in a happy, healthy household.

So sorry to hear that @SpookyTeacup .
Good on you for getting yourself and baby to safety.
Has he tried to get inntouch? What are the contact arrangements for him and baby?
How has post delivery recovery gone? Have you moved closer to your mum?
(Apologies so many questions. I have often thought of you & baby).
Wish you all the best.

So glad you gave left, can't believe how terrible he's been! Glad your feeling better about life.

@ThankULord He isn't allowed to contact me or baby even via a third party. Only contact he would be allowed is via a supervised contact centre but, given how he last was with her, I won't allow it until I know he's getting help. It only takes a second...

Post delivery has been fine physically, just a bit of soreness sitting down 🫣 She's an amazing baby and I've been so lucky she's so easy; slept through the night from 6 weeks. I dread to think how difficult it would have been balancing zero sleep and dealing with him. I'm still in the home, I managed to get back in and get him out just before he was arrested. I'd like to stay here and buy him out as I have a great support network and, as much as I love my mum, I think we'd drive each other bonkers. Bar the obvious stress of sorting police, social services, court and solicitors, life is so much better now 🙏

Thank you for asking ❤️

Sounds like he got really bad.. like the situation became horrible.
And you with a newborn and everything... good on you for being able to manage it all. Police, social services, solicitors, court, daily reminders or little triggers, flying monkeys, naysayers... are just A LOT.
And even with all that, it is indeed a more peaceful.... happier life.
Look after yourself, sounds like he got unhinged.
Welldone you.
Massive congratulations on your baby girl!!!!

I’m so sorry to hear he turned out to be abusive and I’m glad you’re safe and well! I don’t understand how men can just switch and turn into a different person after you were together for so long. I’m presuming he wanted the baby too seeing as you went through IVF. Could he be having some sort of mental health episode or looking back now were there signs he was abusive earlier than you initially realised?

I think there were signs that I ignored, and that's completely on me. I was able to be a lot more stern when I wasn't pregnant, and I'd bite back if he ever tried to be controlling but naturally I stopped that when pregnant as I didnt want the stress to harm the baby. I think he took advantage and that's why things got worse.

He was so happy when we found out I was pregnant, cried at the first scan, but then as things progressed and I got more heavily pregnant/needed help he just turned. It was like he enjoyed watching me suffering and in pain. Then any mention of the baby or doing something for the baby was met with instant aggression and he'd flip his lid over nothing. I was constantly walking on eggshells to make sure I didn't set him off and was having to rehearse conversations in my head.

I hoped when the baby arrived things would be better as who could be aggressive towards their newborn daughter? I was so wrong. He wanted nothing to do with her, I was completely on my own. If he did have to deal with her, he was instantly aggressive. He'd call me a housewife, complain if my snack tray/survival kit was still next to me on the sofa when he got home from work. He wanted me to be the perfect housewife and have the baby asleep, house cleaned, dinner ready and wearing a sexy outfit for him the minute he got home. And yep, the entire 2 weeks paternity leave were sat playing on his computer.

Dont blame yourself.

There is a reason why midwives and health visitors are on high alert for domestic violence during pregnancy and post partum, because its the most common time for it to start. So many women think that they have chosen the perfect man to be the father of their kids until the baby actually exists......then they are blinsided by the man he suddenly becomes. The thing is, he was always that man underneath he just hid it or his abusive side wasnt triggered until the pregnancy/birth.

Either because Little Lord Fauntleroy hates that his wife isnt purely focussed on him anymore (as in your case) or because she is more trapped now and he can let the mask slip (possibly that too in your case).

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You married a man who then abused you, you didnt choose to marry an abuser.

Thank you for updating - I’m sorry you have been through such a horrible time but I’m blown away by your strength and it’s great to read that you and your daughter are happy and safe. You sound an incredible person, I’m so glad you didn’t get crushed by an awful man.

I’m so so sorry you have been through all this. I’m extremely proud of you for getting yourself and your baby out.

💐💐

Isnt it funny that there are two threads on this subject right now about two women being horrifically abused by their "partners" shortly after giving birth and both of those women are so fucking strong. You @SpookyTeacup and the other OP are fighting back and doing so well and you will continue to do so and thrive. Your ex (and her ex) will continue on their downward spiral.

Women are the weaker sex?? I dont fucking think so!

Glad you and your daughter are safe. You sound like you are doing amazingly in circumstances. Hope it will be onwards and upwards now