Page 10 | Feeling really let down...

supersop60 · 25/12/2025 17:59

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 25/12/2025 17:14

This ^
You're about to be a mother, time to reassess your priorities.

Also, if you've been with your husband for ten years surely you know how is with gifts?

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Read the thread properly.
This is a recent thing, it hasn’t been going on for 10 years.
Good for you not needing any gifts. You however are not the OP - her dh is being deliberately thoughtless and laughing at her at a time when she needs more care.

Spookyspaghetti · 25/12/2025 17:59

SpookyTeacup · 25/12/2025 17:24

Ah yes, my apologies. I didn't realise you were present for every Christmas/birthday over the last 10 years.

As I've said before, this is the first time he's done this but hes been an arsehole all round recently. * *

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Op, please just keep in mind that pregnancy is a very common time for domestic abuse to begin, even if the relationship has previously been fine. That could include psychological abuse. If you feel he is continuing to be ‘an arsehole’ between now and the birth please contact your midwife so that you can get support before baby is born.

DH and me are both gamers but when I got pregnant DH sold most of his games on his own volition. There will be plenty of time for gaming (a time intensive hobby) when your child is older. Do you really want your toddler to see their dad staring at a screen for 10 hours a day? You need to have a calm conversation about expectations of him being an adult farther before baby arrives. Babies are 24/7.

MissDoubleU · 25/12/2025 18:25

I’d be paying very close attention to him when the baby is born. Any signs of further resent to you, your pregnancy or the newborn and he needs gone

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 25/12/2025 18:35

I hope you are at your mum’s house now and are planning on staying there a few days.

The lack of a gift is important, it shows the lack of care and thought.

You say things have been bad lately. Would he be open to discussing these? Is they lack of gift the eye opening moment that there are fundamental problems in the relationship?

Serenitymummy · 25/12/2025 19:12

I'm no expert but IMHO this smacks of him panicking, albeit unintentionally, about the imminent massive change your family is about to go through.

I see a few pp have mentioned that pregnancy is when abuse starts for some women. My heart goes out to you, and I can empathise with the endo fertility battle so sending you a massive hug. I hope you're at your mum's for today/this evening, and that's enough to scare him into a conversation to sort this out.

It's easy for us to say ltb but obviously you've got a solid 10 year + relationship that's stood firm through all the IVF you've been through, and that's not a small thing as I've seen that kill relationships.

I think a hard conversation is in order ideally sooner rather than later. You're aware that your whole life and relationship is going to change, but what you're adding is for the better that you both (I assume) really want. He needs to stop burying his head in the sand that he suddenly isn't the most important person in your world and let's move on and face this exciting new chapter together.

Based on how this goes afterwards you will hopefully get a clearer picture of what you want to do next. Sending you lots of love and strength. And congratulations on your long wished for baby. You sound like you'll be a great mummy.

Hippobot · 25/12/2025 19:20

This doesn't bode well for when baby arrives. His lack of care is forewarning of how he'll be once you have all the stress, strain and tiredness of having a baby to look after. Buckle in because you're going to essentially be doing it on your own.

FrangipaniBlue · 25/12/2025 19:23

Trench1 · 25/12/2025 08:55

I’m sorry but you do sound a bit needy. Any adult that is in the slightest bit bothered about presents needs to take a long hard look at themselves.

I genuinely couldn’t care less whether I ever got a present as an adult.

You seriously thinking asking for a pair of “comfy hospital pyjamas” is needy??

Give your head a wobble.

OogieBoogiO · 25/12/2025 19:34

It is unreasonable to an extent but … Being pregnant myself I understand where you’re coming from. My husband bought me a blingy bracelet that was too big to stay on my wrist for my birthday. I just want basics honestly - I feel so ugly and poor walking around in old pregnancy leggings with holes in them. I don’t have a pyjama that fits. Tried to buy me a dress but I was trying to explain to him it will neither fit in pregnancy, nor work for nursing. The hassle of returning something nice that you have no use for. They are just doing the best they can. I just shut it all down because I didn’t have the energy to find myself the right gift and I didn’t want the disappointment of a bad gift.

Hiptothisjive · 25/12/2025 19:46

Supergirl1958 · 25/12/2025 16:58

Yes really, you berated her for nagging. She really didn’t nag him and she really isn’t being childish!

Her husband on the other hand hand…

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🤦‍♀️

Hiptothisjive · 25/12/2025 19:51

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 25/12/2025 16:26

But OP, even if he'd bought you the pyjamas, that isn't enough. That should be either something bought out of everyday funds or an extra present. I'd expect perfume, books, chocolates, alcohol, jewellery etc (all of them).

Is he sulking because you don't look sexy enough/he's not getting enough attention?

Maybe that’s the difference - some people expect loads of presents like you do and some don’t. Gift giving doesn’t define a relationship so not isn’t always that important to everyone.

Sodthesystem · 25/12/2025 19:51

Abuse often starts to show when you get pregnant.

Calling you a big baby when you are heartbroken by his shit behaviour - abuse.

Chances are he's jealous of the baby too.

Run!

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 25/12/2025 19:55

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 25/12/2025 16:26

But OP, even if he'd bought you the pyjamas, that isn't enough. That should be either something bought out of everyday funds or an extra present. I'd expect perfume, books, chocolates, alcohol, jewellery etc (all of them).

Is he sulking because you don't look sexy enough/he's not getting enough attention?

You'd really expect all of those gifts?

Supergirl1958 · 25/12/2025 20:07

Hiptothisjive · 25/12/2025 19:51

Maybe that’s the difference - some people expect loads of presents like you do and some don’t. Gift giving doesn’t define a relationship so not isn’t always that important to everyone.

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She wasn’t expecting the world, jewellery, perfume or anything like that. She’s heavily pregnant and asked for a comfy pair of pj bottoms. These can be purchased from anywhere for anywhere between £5-£15 depending on quality etc! OPs husband didn’t need to search the earth for them, just the local superstore supermarket, or marks and Spencer’s online! He knew multiple days ago the ones he’d ordered wouldn’t arrive! And still chose not to rectify the issue to make his pregnant wife comfortable. No it isn’t about the gift, it’s about his childish behaviour and this man is about to be responsible for a baby when he still acts like one!

tiredofchristmas · 25/12/2025 20:25

There are a few major red flags here for me.

I’d run from anyone who bought me lingerie. It screams porn-addicted-teen-buys-a-present-for-him-to-appreciate to me.

I’d run from anyone that does gaming. It seems like a childish, mindless waste of time to me. But also it’s something you put away when you have kids if you want to be a proper parent, like mountaineering, long bike rides, playing in a band. You won’t have time for it so get used to it.

He couldn’t be arsed to go the shops on Christmas Eve when he knew you were pissed off and he wouldn’t be able to ride it out. He doesn’t care about what you think of him.

I’d be reassessing whether he is father material OP.

Roobarbtwo · 25/12/2025 20:30

SpookyTeacup · 25/12/2025 17:43

Im disappointed in the lack of care he's shown. To me, it shows how little he thinks of me. We do presents every year, and I'm one of these people who buys things throughout the year as she wants it so I appreciate I'm not always the easiest to buy for. He does tend to just get me exactly what I've asked for which is perfectly fine in my eyes (and preferred!). Again, I'm not bothered about how much it costs or how many presents there are... just that he would care enough to get me something, especially something he knows I really need, because I'm so uncomfortable squeezing into my pre-pregnancy pyjamas and I feel gross with everything hanging out. Plus, it'd be nice to feel comfortable/dignified in the hospital.

I dont want mountains of presents. I just want a £15 pair of PJ bottoms from a supermarket.

I didn't spend as much on him as I would this year, just got a few little bits probably totalling up to £70/£80 because things are tight whilst we save for baby & maternity leave.

Its not the gift, it's not the amount, its that he doesn't care enough to even get me one thing... the one thing he knows would make me extremely happy.

And if it does turn out to be lingerie when/if it ever comes then god help him.

He did pay for an online voucher for me so I could purchase something for myself. Obviously its too little too late and I'm irreversibly pissed at this point.

When you say god help him what do you mean? Did you go to your mums today to get away from this selfish prat - or are you just going to put up with it

I'm on your side but his laughter at you when you were upset was the last straw for me

Unwantedpresents · 25/12/2025 20:37

Fiftyandme · 25/12/2025 17:45

Men who are abusive useless twats tend to properly lower their mask once their partner is pregnant.

I’m sorry OP but you’re likely getting a look at the top of the iceberg if your future with him.

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I was about to comment something similar.

I've been in the same position. His mask slipped when I was pregnant. I was told by Women's Aid women are most vulnerable when pregnant.

I'd be packing my stuff and leaving. What partner doesn't get a gift for the mother of his child. One that sniggers and laughs when the OP mentions it?

OP please go to your mums, and have a lovely rest of Christmas day there.

He may of been lovely before this. But if he was that lovely he would of made sure you had a present to open. Abusive men are lovely to begin with, then the mask slips.

usedtobeaylis · 25/12/2025 21:30

Its not unheard of for men to start acting like thoughtless, petulant dicks during their partner's pregnancy. Unfortunately it often continues on afterwards as well. I'm sorry.

Pinkie89 · 25/12/2025 23:13

He should be making even more of an effort given you are pregnant. It sounds like he doesn’t care and like he’s a terrible partner. I would be having a conversation with him to understand why he’s turned into an a**hole

Italiangreyhound · 26/12/2025 00:01

Congratulations on your miracle baby. My miracle baby was born about a month before Christmas over 20 years ago! In a sense your baby will be the real gift.

However, your husband is very selfish to not order the present in time. And I do hope when it arrives it is not what you fear (sexy underwear)! You've said a couple of times about feeling unattractive, I totally get that but I expect your dh still finds you very attractive.

I wonder if a good honest conversation about the lack of thought and gifts this Christmas could help.

Like you I buy things throughout the year so I am never dependent on one thing arriving in time for the big day.

I do hope you and your husband can work this one out and personally I would make it clear that tomorrow is Boxing Day and shops are open and make it clear what would make you happy. Good luck.

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 01:14

Supergirl1958 · 25/12/2025 20:07

She wasn’t expecting the world, jewellery, perfume or anything like that. She’s heavily pregnant and asked for a comfy pair of pj bottoms. These can be purchased from anywhere for anywhere between £5-£15 depending on quality etc! OPs husband didn’t need to search the earth for them, just the local superstore supermarket, or marks and Spencer’s online! He knew multiple days ago the ones he’d ordered wouldn’t arrive! And still chose not to rectify the issue to make his pregnant wife comfortable. No it isn’t about the gift, it’s about his childish behaviour and this man is about to be responsible for a baby when he still acts like one!

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The poster I responded to said she expected perfume chocolates etc.

Lettace · 26/12/2025 02:39

Unfortunately he sounds like a narcissist
Protect yourself

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 02:41

Hiptothisjive · 26/12/2025 01:14

The poster I responded to said she expected perfume chocolates etc.

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She wanted a pair of pyjamas

Lettace · 26/12/2025 02:45

Sodthesystem · 25/12/2025 19:51

Abuse often starts to show when you get pregnant.

Calling you a big baby when you are heartbroken by his shit behaviour - abuse.

Chances are he's jealous of the baby too.

Run!

Unfortunately this is true
I have life experience of this behaviour
it started with exactly what you have described
you can’t change him
He will always be selfish and probably jealous
Focus on your baby, get support and leave him

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/12/2025 03:56

Seriously be done. Leave him. He’s a thoughtless cunt and doesn’t give a shit. As for gaming? Nope I wouldn’t be putting up with that either.
go to your mums and stay there.

Blodwynne · 26/12/2025 04:09

SpookyTeacup · 23/12/2025 17:58

Just been told by DH that I have no Christmas present this year as it hasn't arrived. I've got a feeling its exactly what I told him under no circumstances is he to buy me (sexy lingerie/nightwear) due to his reaction when I asked him if it was that - '.... no... why?'. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and I feel huge, disgusting and hate how much weight I've gained. I couldn't feel further from sexy if I tried. All I've asked for is a nice big pair of PJ bottoms that I can be comfortable in and will become part of my hospital bag. I'm dreading Christmas now because I feel like I'm going to end up crying the entire day, but also feel like I'm acting like a spoiled brat.

How exciting that a baby is coming though! wow.