Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
Easytoconfuse · 21/12/2025 16:19

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:40

Well you mean he hasnt got a diagnosis and no one has suggested it before, but that sort of behaviour, something fairly straight forward like shopping and decision making having such huge anxiety about it, is a possible indicator. Then the huge rejection accusation, another huge indicator.

And then of course blaming someone else. Another indicator.

I think you're insulting people who are neurodivergent.

AwfullyGood · 21/12/2025 16:19

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:06

I see a lot of comments thinking this isn’t true unfortunately, I wish it weren’t but this is my life.
I’ve been made to feel like I’ve done something terrible to him

Can you tell us why you aren't listening to any of the advice or posters?

Unless you are a troll, you are being ridicilous.

chickenlettuceunderbacon · 21/12/2025 16:19

He's done you a favour. You should be thanking him for ending the relationship.
Go find someone who is capable of making off-the-cuff decisions and coping with shopping

johntorodesfatcheeks · 21/12/2025 16:20

MumoftwoNC · 21/12/2025 15:32

And even if he does have a condition... he's not fit/well enough for an adult relationship.

He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around.

He is abusive. Maybe he has some kind of reason but you're not his mother and you're not responsible for him

I didn’t say it was, I simply meant that the finding going in a shop triggering may be linked to some sort of neurodivergence.
that as you have said does not get him a hall pass for behaving the way he did it was more that I wondered whether he’d done this sort of thing before with OP. I am very well versed sadly in abusive behaviour so agree that he is.

ScreamingInfidelities · 21/12/2025 16:20

sorry, he acted like a sex pest so YOU CLEANED HIS HOUSE?

With all due respect, you need to wise up.

Headabovetheparapets · 21/12/2025 16:20

In the words of MN please run far & fast I can’t comment on the knob waving but I can assure you the red flags are flying high.
A Christmas & birthday alone are far preferable than remaining with this sorry specimen. Even if he has issues they are his to manage not yours.
If he finds “food shopping triggering” then the very least he should have done is his online food shop to negate the need for him to go to the shops, not to mention he invited you for Christmas so surely should have things organised OR was he expecting @Sadly11 to ride in on a sleigh & arrange it all??!
@Sadly11 please stop cleaning, book your tickets home & fly free & have a happy Christmas free from this ridiculous man-child.

johntorodesfatcheeks · 21/12/2025 16:21

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

Well rid

Endofyear · 21/12/2025 16:21

He's done you a massive favour by ending the relationship. Your life will be immeasurably better without him in it, trust me. If I were you, I'd forget about the parcel and get the hell out of there. And when you leave, block him on everything and never see or speak to him again!

Okiedokie123 · 21/12/2025 16:21

Why are you letting him think he is dumping you for something you've supposedly done? His behaviour is appallingly childish.
Dump him. And why are you still there? I would have packed my bag and gone home immediately.

Kunik · 21/12/2025 16:22

Just be glad you are now free from this psycho. Really, it is a blessing and the best birthday and Christmas gift in one.

ginasevern · 21/12/2025 16:22

Bet he gets "triggered" (christ I hate that word) by anything that involves hard work. I'm afraid society has worked it's evil magic on you OP. Despite the fact that this bloke is a totally deranged cunt, you're the one that feels guilty. Why in god's name did you clean his house? Pulling your skirt up and playing with his knob is abuse by the way. Just go home as soon as you can. He sounds like he needs to be locked up.

Mrstawnyowl · 21/12/2025 16:22

He sounds like someone who would have to be “managed” rather than someone who would make a good, caring boyfriend for you. Get right away and dodge this massive bullet!

Nevernonono · 21/12/2025 16:23

This is unbelievable

Shedeboodinia · 21/12/2025 16:23

If supermarket shopping is absolutely that much of a problem, why did he not order in. Why did he not ask you to go. Why did he not just pop to the little local shop and get a few bits to tide over. If you have that much of a trigger you would simply refuse to go.
The sex pest thing is so fucking weird. He has anxiety in supermarkets but that somehow turns him into a sex pest? Just bizzarre?
It sounds like he has hidden a lot of his personality from you so far and today he has peeled back the surface and revealed the truth. And I doubt this is all of him, if this is the tip of tbe iceburg, imagine what else lies beneath.
He will do this whole performance around any tasks he doesnt want to do, a lovely day out will be ruined with a tantrum, or your late home from work one day, guess what, you triggered him and it's now your fault he forced himself on you or punched you in the face.
This is how it starts. Just run.

Evaka · 21/12/2025 16:23

Dump, have a peaceful Xmas alone and then reflect long and hard on why this utter nutter appealed in the first place.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 21/12/2025 16:23

FerriswheelsKissesandLilacs · 21/12/2025 16:08

Wait, am I getting this right- He is "triggered" by having to choose salmon, but you are not allowed to be "triggered" by him sexually assaulting you in public, and he's allowed to act however he wants but if you set a boundary that you do not want to be around that behaviour, you're in the wrong? This man is a walking red flag.

Yep, get out of there OP don't waste another second on this weirdo. What sort of future do you see with someone who does this?

Disenchantedone · 21/12/2025 16:23

OP. You have had a lucky escape. Find a guy who does not treat you this badly. There is no excuse for being abused and embarrassed in a supermarket. He is a horrible human. Move on.

EmeraldRoulette · 21/12/2025 16:23

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 21/12/2025 16:14

He has done this on purpose to test you. How strange that this crisis should fall on one of the busiest weekends of the year, so close to Christmas, and the day before your birthday. How strange that his usual coping mechanism wasn't in place.

I wouldn't even wait for him to take me to the station. Get in a cab, and never look back or you will regret it.

Agree

I can't believe you cleaned his home.

He's just looking for somebody to do all of this shit for him

And he thinks somebody who can't spend Christmas alone is an ideal target

Your parcel can probably be redirected by the way

fgs just go home!

Fiftyandme · 21/12/2025 16:23

His behaviour is shocking. Your reaction to it was commendably reserved.

Lovelyview · 21/12/2025 16:24

I'm a bit worried about you op. He sounds very unstable. Can you leave now? I don't understand why you ever blamed yourself for any of this.

TwistedWonder · 21/12/2025 16:26

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:06

I see a lot of comments thinking this isn’t true unfortunately, I wish it weren’t but this is my life.
I’ve been made to feel like I’ve done something terrible to him

Surely the fact so many people don’t believe it’s true makes you realise how absolutely batshit fucking mental his behaviour is? There’s nothing even vaguely normal about thin sexually assaulting you in public and then blaming you

Please take onboard that everyone is telling v you he’s an abusive piece of shit and you need to run faster than Usain Bolt to escape this wanker

JLou08 · 21/12/2025 16:26

Food shopping, especially when it's busy, can really trigger a meltdown for people with ND/mental health. I work with a lot if people who can't manage it. However, I've never come across someone that displays the behaviour he did when overwhelmed. I think there is more to his behaviour, probably a deliberate attempt to make sure you never expect him to go shopping again. Get home and never look back. He sounds dangerous if you're already experiencing such extreme behaviour on your first visit.

Horses7 · 21/12/2025 16:27

I’d stay for your parcel (if it’s really, really important) and of course, to collect a few more red flags because Jeez I don’t think you believe you got enough yet!!!!
Dump him from a great height OP 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Dearg · 21/12/2025 16:27

Ick.

ReyRey12 · 21/12/2025 16:28

I can understand maybe being a bit snappy. Not saying that it is ok but I can understand it. But honking uour tits and sir masturbating are not explained by beign anxious at a supermarket.

He essentially said he doesn't want to he wirh you so get a taxi to the train station.

Swipe left for the next trending thread