Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
TheEllisGreyMethod · 21/12/2025 16:13

How the hell did this end up with him breaking up with you?
He's an embarrassing man child who is using anxiety. If he knew it was that bad he should have sent you shopping alone. He needs to take accountability.
And you need to get some self respect, get your parcel and get in a taxi and skip home. Being single is much better than this shit.

FigTreeInEurope · 21/12/2025 16:13

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

This outburst needs to be followed by loud indian music, and wild bollywood dancing. What a drama queen.

Im 54 now, but at 20 i was very much like this. For me it was acting up as i came to terms with the end of a traumatic childhood. I gave my poor girlfriend at the time so much drama, it took her three years of my shit to finally snap, and leave. She was such a lovely person, and did nothing wrong to me ever. Everything you've written stinks of abusive, manipulative, controlling behaviour. I passed through drugs, self distruction and finally prison before building a life, firstly in solitude on a canal barge, and later as a husband and father. I have been lucky to marry into a family with strong mental health knowledge, and i have a wife who takes zero shit off anyone. Most likely, your bf will get worse. At my worst, i'd never have dreamed of groping my girlfriend in the supermarket. It's disturbing that he can be like that in public, and shows a sense of entitlement and ownership mentality over you that's just plain scary. You have done nothing wrong. Dont tolerate the gaslighting. Whatever his problem is, hes in no place to be having a relationship. Let your head rule on this one, save yourself years of grief.

ScreamingInfidelities · 21/12/2025 16:13

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

This guy is an absolute nut job. Get your stuff and leave.

GrumpyInsomniac · 21/12/2025 16:13

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:08

He’s well into his 40’s

OP, he’s awful. The ‘anxiety’ in the supermarket just sounds like an excuse to make it your job and not his. And his behaviour in there is fucking unhinged. Add to that the abusive silent treatment and trying to make you feel like you were the unreasonable one for not tolerating him exposing himself in the middle of the supermarket, him breaking up with you is the birthday and Christmas present you need, even if right now it feels shit.

You will be far better off on your own and not having to deal with his gross antics and nastiness. He’s awful. Leave as soon as you have the parcel and never look back. I promise, Christmas alone and doing and eating exactly what you want without walking on eggshells around this twat will be more relaxing. Please, chuck him back. Any future with him will be miserable.

NettleTea · 21/12/2025 16:13

this is, frankly, nuts OP.
And I say that as someone with ASD and ADHD, who finds supermarkets quite overwhelming and can stand in front of a cabinet for 20 mins deciding of what cheese.

what I have never done though is sexually assault my partner because of it, because I really dont understand his behaviour in the first instance - WHY was he behaving like that.

You say he said he asked if he was embarrasing you. Well he was. He really was. And you seemed top have chosen to try to pacify him rather than telpl him yes, he was embarrasing everyone.

And then you have tidied the house and tried to pander to him again when you got home. But my god he is a gaslighting , dreadful boyfriend.

Just leave and thank god that its over. He is eithert playing some weird fucking games or he is not a functional adult. Neither of which say good boyfriend material

MrsVBS · 21/12/2025 16:14

He sounds look like a complete tool.

Lightingfail · 21/12/2025 16:14

Honestly, get yourself home at the first opportunity.

diddl · 21/12/2025 16:14

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle,

That reads as if he actually did it, which I'm assuming he didn't!

Honestly it sounds as if it was either an excuse to grope/assault you or he needs a fuck ton of help!

Hopefully you'll soon be on your way home!

ThePoshUns · 21/12/2025 16:14

Run for the hills, no good will ever come of this!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 21/12/2025 16:14

He has done this on purpose to test you. How strange that this crisis should fall on one of the busiest weekends of the year, so close to Christmas, and the day before your birthday. How strange that his usual coping mechanism wasn't in place.

I wouldn't even wait for him to take me to the station. Get in a cab, and never look back or you will regret it.

Isayitasitis · 21/12/2025 16:14

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:35

Its a complete melt down with OP on the receiving end of it.

Obviously he cant manage such situations and therefore cant really manage life, you cant have relationships with people like that

It is not ND, it is just another emotionally abusive twat! Don't get it confused!

Silverbirchleaf · 21/12/2025 16:15

You’ve done nothing wrong. His behaviour is bizarre and not normal. Please reframe what you think is normal behaviour from a bf.

LoveHeartsFan · 21/12/2025 16:15

I would be very anxious for my safety in these circumstances when he’s been an obvious sex pest in public and is now taking out his - completely unjustified - anger on you.

No one deserves this and you deserve to be safe and happy and with someone who treats you normally. None of this is normal.

I’m sorry but he’s conditioning you and bullying you into staying and then you’re there over Christmas unsafe and with little means of getting to safety. Then there will be a terrified call to the police on Christmas Day.

Don’t make it up to him, forget the parcel, get the hell out while there are trains and coaches and taxis running. Go now please.

ThePoshUns · 21/12/2025 16:16

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:08

He’s well into his 40’s

Really? Oh my Christ what a fucking loser.

LividArse · 21/12/2025 16:16

Of ALL the men in ALL the country.

What on earth made you think that choosing the man who is "triggered by food shopping" was a good idea?

Think about that for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I've been divorced twice. But honestly how did this relationship progress? What made you think this was a man to even talk to politely? What has happened to your self esteem that you've found yourself in this situation?

How can we help you see how insane this is?

He's given you a WONDERFUL birthday gift. Freedom from this insanity.

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 21/12/2025 16:16

Just dump him, life is too short.

Breadcat24 · 21/12/2025 16:16

to be honest I cannot see why you would want to be anywhere near this weirdo

tinytemper66 · 21/12/2025 16:17

I’d rather be on my own for Christmas than be with such a purile man.

IAmKerplunk · 21/12/2025 16:17

Honestly, if his abnormal batshit crazy behaviour has had you questioning yourself then I would gently suggest you shouldn’t be in any relationship right now. Leave his house asap, don’t even worry about the parcel - things can be replaced- just get out of there asap before he gets even more into your head.

marylou25 · 21/12/2025 16:17

Dear God, just leave! Get out of there and never go back, delete/block him on everything. Nothing is worth that sort of 'relationship'.

Dweetfidilove · 21/12/2025 16:18

He needs therapy, a place in an institution or further home training, not a girlfriend. Yuck!

SardinesOnGingerbread · 21/12/2025 16:19

Why is there any part of you that's sad to be breaking up with this absolute waste of human skin? Whatever is on that parcel, unless it's a nugget of gold it wouldn't be worth the loss of another night of my life

Squeeky112 · 21/12/2025 16:19

Oh my word.
He sexually assaulted you in the supermarket. He then blamed you for him being a dick.
Get your parcel tomorrow morning, go home, block him on everything. When you get home, open a bottle of wine and get a takeaway. As others have said, you are so much better than him and better off without him.
Happy birthday, and be glad it won't be spent with him.

FallingDownARabbitHole · 21/12/2025 16:19

I can’t figure out how having anxiety in the supermarket makes him act like that. Manic maybe, but in a sexual way? If my partner groped me and tried to pull up my skirt I would have slapped him and walked out. There is no excuse and you shouldn’t have to put up with it

Renamed · 21/12/2025 16:19

You need to get away. Even if the food shopping anxiety isn’t bullshit, he could have ordered as he usually does. It just so happened that he didn’t the weekend you were arriving. It sounds to me like he meant to behave badly and blame you for it, to make you question yourself In exactly this way. I expect he’ll begrudgingly partly “forgive” you and aim to have you on eggshells forever. He’s a bully.

Swipe left for the next trending thread