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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 22/12/2025 12:06

Mistymeg · 22/12/2025 12:03

This makes me feel sad. Your son clearly has the support and diagnoses he needs and I wonder if the man in question doesn’t. Seems like he and OP were going to spend Christmas alone.

Yeah they were and now OP is spending Christmas and her birthday alone because her ex was a disgusting pervert to her and then gaslighted her.

PPs son is not the same. Didn't you read about how OP was being supportive of his supermarket issues (despite that they were self inflicted by a 40 yr old man who didn't get a shop in) until he started being sexually inappropriate and kicking off at her!!?

FrodoBiggins · 22/12/2025 12:09

Sadly11 · 22/12/2025 12:00

Please knock some sense into me

He's literally GASLIGHTING you about a GAS HOB!!

He can't actually tell you what's wrong or say sorry or do anything because (1) he'd have done it days ago and (2) he'd have to admit it was all his fault. So now he's turned it into you breaking his hob?! So now you're to blame yet again, for his hob, for him not fighting for you. Awful man. Block him and enjoy your birthday as much as you can x

AgnesX · 22/12/2025 12:09

Sadly11 · 22/12/2025 12:00

Please knock some sense into me

FFS, why haven't you blocked him already.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 22/12/2025 12:11

He didn’t think you would actually leave.

He wanted you to beg for forgiveness.

That’s what made him change his mind. Not some sort if self realisation.

Now that hasn’t worked, he is going to try another tactic to keep you subservient to him. That is why it is a head fuck - he is doing this to keep you off balance as he senses he is losing control.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Mute his messages, and enjoy your freedom. Well done on getting out.

FrodoBiggins · 22/12/2025 12:12

And please eat something!!

OldLondonDad · 22/12/2025 12:13

Another thread that leaves me pondering one of life’s great mysteries…

Where the fuck do you all find these men pathetic creatures?

UncannyFanny · 22/12/2025 12:14

AgnesX · 22/12/2025 12:09

FFS, why haven't you blocked him already.

I know. I think we can all see where this is going. Another thread in a few months time. After his behaviour there’s absolutely no reason not to have already texted a finishing message and blocked long before he started calling.

TheMorgenmuffel · 22/12/2025 12:14

OldLondonDad · 22/12/2025 12:13

Another thread that leaves me pondering one of life’s great mysteries…

Where the fuck do you all find these men pathetic creatures?

Wherever the fuck it is i assume it involves gloves and a good hosing down.

FOJN · 22/12/2025 12:15

Sadly11 · 22/12/2025 12:00

Please knock some sense into me

You are doing this to yourself now. Why are you engaging with him? He is clearly utterly batshit. You cannot reason with him so save your energy and stop trying.

Don't lament the head fuckery like a victim, block him and put a stop to it. If he has the cheek to come to your house, DO NOT open the door. If he refuses to leave, call the police. He is not stealing your peace of mind, you are donating it and you can stop anytime you like.

RampantIvy · 22/12/2025 12:16

Sadly11 · 22/12/2025 12:00

Please knock some sense into me

Tell him that his behaviour in the supermarket was inappropriate, and if he didn't understand that then he is completely lacking in social awareness.

Also, tell him to get therapy if shopping "triggers" him this much.

Easytoconfuse · 22/12/2025 12:18

Sadly11 · 22/12/2025 12:00

Please knock some sense into me

I don't think you need sense knocking into you. I think you need a hug from someone who cares about you and a bloody good cry before you can pick yourself up again. Getting a cheap pay as you go phone and putting the other one in a drawer to limit your contact with him might well help.

He's done a number on your self confidence and that needs time to heal. I do hope you live a nice long way from him but be extra careful about locking your house for a while, please.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 22/12/2025 12:19

Block him. Never look back.

krustykittens · 22/12/2025 12:20

It's not a fucking curve ball, OP, he is doing EXACTLY what I said he would do, two days ago. As soon as you stop pandering to his abusive behaviour, he turns the charm back on to get you back. Except even now, this man is trying to find something to beat you over the head with while doing so (the hob). Can you imagine how abusive he would be if you lived together?! For fucks sake, BLOCK!

UncannyFanny · 22/12/2025 12:20

I just don’t understand why you would wait until the end of three hour train journey to block him. Unless you actively chose not to block him because you were waiting to see if he contacted you.

LittleArithmetics · 22/12/2025 12:23

He sounds absolutely batshit. The latest post only makes it worse. It's not a curveball though because it's in keeping with his previous batshit and very concerning behaviour, and you already knew this.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 22/12/2025 12:23

Agree with PP, not a curveball, just more of the same. Block him - and, set up an appointment with a therapist. The same vulnerabilities/lack of self-esteem that led you into this situation is also going to keep you in it, if you don't get help and address it.

SwirlyGates · 22/12/2025 12:24

What the hell have I just read?

There has been some weird male behaviour on this forum over the years, but this is right up there with the weirdest.

And he hasn't decided if he wants to end it over YOUR behaviour?

Doesn't matter why he did it, or why supermarkets are triggering, or what happened to the hob; his behaviour in the supermarket is completely dump-worthy.

ilovepixie · 22/12/2025 12:25

Block and move on. This will happen again and again and again. Have some self respect, do you really need a man that badly! you are worth so much more than this prick.

Cherrysoup · 22/12/2025 12:28

Sadly11 · 22/12/2025 12:00

Please knock some sense into me

Find some self respect and dump this idiot. You appear desperate, but this man, who should obviously know better, sexually assaulted you multiple times in public. He’s lucky security didn’t haul him into the room they use for shoplifters and call the police. Given his atrocious behaviour with you, I’d tell him very forcefully that he SA you and block the fucker. What are you waiting for? A repeat of what must be up there as one of the worst few days of your life?

VickyEadieofThigh · 22/12/2025 12:28

Sadly11 · 22/12/2025 12:00

Please knock some sense into me

He's a controlling, manipulative bastard who enjoyed torturing you for two days.

What else do you need to hear? HE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Move on.

bonesandbooth2025 · 22/12/2025 12:28

Just block him. You’re meant to be with someone that loves you and he doesn’t even like you - why would you want to be with him?
get home, eat and drink something and have a bath/nap/watch a favourite film and stick a note on your mirror that says “I’m worth more than dickheads”

Throwmoneyatit · 22/12/2025 12:30

You want sense knocking into you? Let's do this from the beginning.

  1. He asked for help with shopping as HE had FAILED to do it online.
  2. HE then acted OUTRAGEOUSLY in the shop and EXPECTED YOU to just put up with it.
  3. He then basically gave you the SILENT TREATMENT because you have boundaries and used them.
  4. He has made you the villain from a failure that he created.
  5. He has let you CRY infront of him with NO consideration for your feelings. You are crying due to his actions.
  6. He has cancelled Xmas because of HIS failures and inability to behave like an adult.
  7. He has FORCED you to use your birthday to travel back.
  8. He has BLAMED you for breaking his oven.

Do you need any more sense knocking into you? The first 3 should be more than enough to go on.

Get rid of him. You can get someone so, so much better and if you choose not to look into another relationship, you'll be much happier being single. No tears, no anxiety, no second guessing. That, is worth its weight in gold. Sending hugs x

meganorks · 22/12/2025 12:34

A Christmas alone is much more appealing than even spending another minute with that cock-womble

RampantIvy · 22/12/2025 12:35

@Sadly11 not one poster thinks you should stay with this wierdo.

Why do you think this is?

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 22/12/2025 12:39

RampantIvy · 22/12/2025 12:35

@Sadly11 not one poster thinks you should stay with this wierdo.

Why do you think this is?

And, also, why do you think you still haven't blocked him and are answering his calls/texts? What need in you is he fulfilling? Need for attention, (toxic) drama, hot/cold behaviour...? Did you have unreliable, drama-prone parents/siblings? I would really urge you to take a good hard look at yourself....He is batshit crazy, we all agree. The real mystery is why you didn't spot it and can't let go...

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