For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

[Sadly11]

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

Don’t tell him you’re dumping him. Just do it quietly, for your safety.

Let him die in a flipping ditch if it suits him, but for the love of God woman, LEAVE.
If you wait, relying on him for a lift, he’ll concoct reasons for not driving you to the station, even manufacturing a supposed psychotic break due to ‘triggering’ 🥱via abandonment, or something of that nature.
Above all he’ll need to have the last word, to be the one still holding the power, so you upping sticks of your own accord won’t be a welcome development.
For all these reasons, you should spend your very last centîme on that Uber. Grab back your autonomy!

Get the hell out of his vicinity; it was already urgent yesterday, so you've no time to lose, and every hour you delay is making him more likely to work some kind of manipulation on you, which you’ll fail to resist.
This is your chance, right now, so do yourself this one favour.

Excellent! That makes your lucky escape so much easier. Fuck him. (I don't mean that literally!)

Ditch the manchild. What a weirdo.

He sounds like a nightmare. Is there any reason for you to “fix” him?! He sounds like a crushing growth experience. Wishing you a very happy, close escape birthday and Christmas. And a much better new year.

One shitty birthday is better than years of putting up with this bloody nonsense. You're well out of it.

I would seriously consider forgoing the parcel and just getting out of there, is the parcel a gift for him for Christmas?

He has conditioned you to feel blame when actually he the instigator by his actions. Certainly not normal behaviour whether ND or mental health. Hope you are packed up, & leave first thing tomorrow once your package has come( is it really that important?) when you actually go wait for a barrage of abuse blaming you for all his problems. He is responsible for his behaviour.
wishing you a happy birthday this may well be with hindsight a blessing in disguise.

I have to admit I'm curious, if he's that upset and unsure why hasn't he thrown you out asked you to leave in his 'anger'. Do you think he's getting his kicks in making you 'suffer'?

JIC, I'd be researching like mad any and all possible transport to the train station including calling in any favours from anyone you know within a 30 mile radius. I'd certainly drive that far, even farther, to rescue a pal. You don't want him saying "I'm not taking you, you can walk" tomorrow and being stuck. I know you're probably miles away from the station and I probably sound paranoid, but sounds to me as if he's a big enough arsehole to do that. Contrariwise, if you think that's a real possibility you can grit your teeth and 'apologize' (fingers crossed behind your back) to get your ride then tell him "I didn't mean a damned word of that 'apology' you arsehole. And this train I'm catching? It's the nope train out of Nopetown and I'm nope-ing myself away from you. Have a nice life, jerkwad".

Mm. Funny how he has anxiety over an activity everyone hates doing the week before Christmas because it's busy and stressful. Wonder what else this extends to. Go home asap - you are well out of it.

Please please please no second chances for this guy.

Do what you need to do and get as far away from him.as possible.

He’s said he isn’t kicking me out on my birthday but he’s made it very clear I’m not welcome for Christmas anymore. He’s also said he’ll sleep on the sofa until I’m ready to leave. He’s an avoidant.

I’m genuinely not worried about him refusing to take me to the station. He won’t say a word in the car, but he will take me, he’s stubborn and convinced he’s right, not volatile. I appreciate the concern though, I promise I’m not stuck here against my will

You haven't. Go home. Block him and move on.

Get sensible, get out. If you stay you are enabling this disgusting behaviour.
If true, and I hope its not, he is being vulgar and explicit in front of children, this perverted behaviour is not acceptable.
Find self respect stop crying over this individual and run for the hills. Surely you are not that desperate you would stay with him.
There is nothing wrong with this exhibitionist, he is just a nasty creep.

This person is absolutely mad. Were there really no red flags before now if you think back?

You’ve done nothing wrong but you need to get out. As others have said be very careful. If things stay reasonably calm, get your parcel and go but if they escalate forget about the parcel and the taxi fare and get yourself out of there asap.

Go home and block this idiot.

Hope you get your package and get to the station ok tomorrow op. It's very much for the best and I hope you have a lovely, drama-free Christmas.

Also get a bus to the station or a cab. There will be an option.

YABU because he sounds insane. Break up; nominate an alternative day to celebrate your birthday and go to church on Christmas Day to have some kind of human interaction and sing nice carols.

Do you really not have family or any friends besides him that you could see? Text them and explain; someone will reach out and accommodate you. I would, if you were one of my friends.

You say he's not ND but I really can't see how being in a supermarket makes him turn uncontrollably into a perv.

He sounds very hard work (and yes, I am understating my feelings on what you say happened!). I’m glad you’ve come to a decision you’re happy with, and wish you a much more peaceful new year!

@Sadly11 I am very sorry you have had this experience but as others have said if there was a condition that may explain some of his anxiety but not the rudeness, silent treatment and passive aggressiveness. He sounds like a narcissist... and as painful as it may be for you, this is NOT normal behaviour and is a red flag 🚩 Get your parcel, get him to take you home and end it. Can you spend christmas with friends? Your birthday can be saved, get your parcel, can you treat yourself on the train ride back to a nice meal, and then have christmas with a friend? Good luck @Sadly11 and as rubbish as it will feel you are worth so much more than this 🎄💕

When you get home make sure you get some therapy for yourself to understand why the ever loving fuck you ended up with someone this dysfunctional.

No one can make you feel anything.

You are in control of your reactions to this insane behaviour. The fact you feel like you’ve done something wrong is a sign you need some help to understand appropriate boundaries and behaviours. WHY do you think this is your fault? Some deep soul searching to be done there, hopefully before another relationship

His exact words when I told him why I walked out

You told me you would help, be there and present and helpful. I didn’t shout, I pointed out you were being not the help you promised. I tried so, so hard and used up every ounce of of mental energy I had. Not only wasn’t it enough for you to make an effort, you fucked off and left me paralysed in a shop, flooded by all the mental health instability, plus worried about you. And I feel like that was the idea. So today is a really bad day to try to make it my fault and ask about my caring etc. I cannot think of a worse thing you could have done to me

I don't think I've ever read something so ridiculous in a long time. A 40 year old man who gets "triggered" by going to a supermarket and thinks that's an excuse to act like a sex pest in public? Wtf.

Move on with your life and don't give this idiot a backwards glance.