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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 21/12/2025 17:55

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

He’s not right - grown men don’t behave like that in public - how many men have you seen behaving like that? He must have something going on - it’s very abnormal behaviour.

Give yourself a birthday treat by ending it and getting an uber. Even if it skints you. The man is a weirdo at best. Anxiety doesn’t make you grope your partner in public!

WinterF00dPreferance · 21/12/2025 17:56

Forget waiting for the parcel

Get yourself home safely

Stay away from this person after you leave & stop all communication

Some help here below

Recommend do The Freedom Programme

Let us know when you get home safely

www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

Topseyt123 · 21/12/2025 17:56

pointythings · 21/12/2025 17:52

I think the boyfriend has found the thread.

I think I agree. We may now have the wanker boyfriend rocking up and defending himself after reading about what a total arsehole he is.

What a pillock!

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 21/12/2025 17:57

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:36

He’s not ND. He has anxiety in supermarkets, mainly around decision making. He’s been very vocal about how hard he finds it, I’ve been made to feel awful, like I’ve done something really awful to him. It’s horrible, just getting silent treatment at the moment till I can go home

There is something wrong with him. Making lewd comments & sexual touching in a supermarkets is not normal and is most certainly not a coping mechanism. He sounds like a pervert.

RampantIvy · 21/12/2025 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh look. The soon to be ex boyfriend has appeared.

Do you really think this inappropriate and embarrassing behaviour is ever justified in public? Really?

JoyFractal · 21/12/2025 17:59

Go home as soon as you can.

redjeans28 · 21/12/2025 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh here's another abusive twat.

thepariscrimefiles · 21/12/2025 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What about his creepy and completely inappropriate sexual behaviour? Is that OP's fault too?

Zucker · 21/12/2025 17:59

WTF is this? Is this where we are now, a fully grown adult being triggered by tesco frozen aisle. Leave as soon as you've received your package, block this arsehole and never look back OP, please for your own self worth don't compose war and peace in a text message explaining why you're dumping him he's not worth the pixels in the text message.

For the love of all that is good stop begging this moron for forgiveness and pleading about what you did wrong and cleaning his bloody house ffs.
Leave him and do the freedom programme as suggested above. Good luck.

TheMorgenmuffel · 21/12/2025 18:00

Hopefully you will get the parcel, go and block him forever.
Hes a gigantic, abusive, sack of shit.

He intentionally humiliated you in public then tried to make you think you are the problem.

Run like the wind.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/12/2025 18:01

OP is the victim here not BF. He’s not struggling, he’s abusive. Why would you say OP should support that ?

Sorry, cross posted with that post being deleted. Sentiment still stands though.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 21/12/2025 18:02

Op I’m glad you have found your anger. Your plan seems fine, you can cope with him giving you the silent treatment tonight and then getting a lift to the train station.

Easier said than done in real life, but once you are home in would be so tempted to report him to 101 for indecent and lewd behaviour. The police telling him that it is inappropriate to make gestures with your penis might make him think about his behaviour.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 21/12/2025 18:08

Thank your lucky stars you live 3 hours away from him.

Get your parcel
Get to the station
Get yourself home

CombatBarbie · 21/12/2025 18:09

In what world is groping someone, lifting their skirt and gesturing with his penis an acceptable trauma response!! Cowering in a corner, yes..... walking out (him) yes..... crying, yes....

Victim blaming much......and let's not forget he did manage to complete the shopping and get it home. So clearly not that triggered!

Op, im sorry I am just trying to envisage in my head the Penis gesturing? In my head it's pretty much what he said in his text about helicoptering but with clothes on!!??

Have you seen this behaviour before? Does he do it with other people?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 21/12/2025 18:11

Hopefully security cameras in the supermarket if charges are pressed .
If I was there I certainly wouldn't want to witness his bratty behaviour

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 21/12/2025 18:12

pointythings · 21/12/2025 17:52

I think the boyfriend has found the thread.

Yep 😬

JacknDiane · 21/12/2025 18:13

Oh ffs. Run for the hills.

Silverbirchleaf · 21/12/2025 18:13

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:32

He’s flat out said he doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me and hasn’t thought about if he still even wants to be with me. He’s determined to die on the hill that I’ve wronged him. He won’t apologise

He’s trying to get you to go running back to him, all apologetic and passive. Don’t let him hold the upper hand.

Leave!

MoonWoman69 · 21/12/2025 18:14

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:36

He’s not ND. He has anxiety in supermarkets, mainly around decision making. He’s been very vocal about how hard he finds it, I’ve been made to feel awful, like I’ve done something really awful to him. It’s horrible, just getting silent treatment at the moment till I can go home

Oh. My. God! He's "triggered" by supermarket decision making?!?! I can't believe I've just read that! Imagine what he'd have been like with massive life goals, if a mere supermarket "triggers" him! You've had a lucky escape. He has serious, weird issues that you should in no way have to deal with. And trust me, it would never get any better! Lovely cosy, quiet Christmas for you with lots of treats and happy birthday 💐🎄🩵

MyBrightPeer · 21/12/2025 18:17

Groping your partner and making inappropriate gestures is not an anxiety response. Get gone.

Snazzysausage · 21/12/2025 18:17

Hubblebubble · 21/12/2025 17:34

If this is genuine, why on earth aren't you thrilled the relationship has come to an end? Honestly, you should've ended it yourself. Where has your self worth wandered off to?

Exactly.
Presumably the op's self worth has wandered off back to the frozen isle.
Obviously it's very unfortunate that this has come to a head the week of both birthday and Christmas but this relationship is like trying to knit sand, you'll never get anywhere.
Onward and upward.

CohensDiamondTeeth · 21/12/2025 18:18

@Sadly11 Lassie WTF did I just read? You need out of his house ASAP!

You say you don't think he's a danger to you, but did you ever think he would be an abusive POS? Did you ever think he would sexually assault you in public, repeatedly, or make lewd gestures (did he actually drop his trousers?!) when there are children around? I doubt it.

Abusive men are unpredictable. When I left my ex-H I got him to drive me to my mother's house. He was so angry that I was finally leaving his abusive arse that he drove very dangerously on purpose and at one point I actually thought he was going to crash the car and take us both out!

I should have called a friend or family member for a lift, but I didn't think he'd ever do anything like that either. Although with hindsight I can now see that my judgement was very off, he had shown hints of a violent nature before and had tried to physically intimidate me in the past - think blocking me physically from leaving a room, getting right in my face and being violent to inanimate objects in front of me.

Forget your parcel, expensive or not, you are much more valuable. If there is no one to come and collect you, is the station within walking distance? If not I'd be inclined to spend the fortune on a taxi just to get the fuck out of dodge before it escalates again.

Echo the PP advice of don't tell him you're leaving, that's the danger time! Just get out as quickly and quietly as you can!

Definitely do the freedom program linked upthread, this was not your fault, you did not do anything wrong and he is totally unhinged! The fact that this is not the first time something like this has happened, and that you spent so long upset thinking you were in the wrong shows you need some help to establish healthy boundaries.

Seriously, get out, get out NOW!

P.S I reported the troll, don't listen to them! Flowers

scottishGirl · 21/12/2025 18:22

This is way more than anxiety OP or possible ND. Please leave as soon as you can and tell a friend your plan and your current location.
I understand you are saying the taxi would be a fortune, could you even get one to a less rural location and then a bus from there to train station?

Pieandchips999 · 21/12/2025 18:30

What an absolute wanker. Whatever his problems and what the reason of course he doesn't get to sexually harass and borderline sexually assault your round the supermarket. If he copes that badly why the f didn't he order some food in. I'm sorry you don't have plans for your birthday and Christmas now but much better on your own than with a man like that. There might be some walk in community events in the day but I applied that's not for everyone. It might be worth checking the cost of an Uber to the station as a back up just in case so you're not stuck relying on him.

ZZGirl · 21/12/2025 18:36

Tell him to send back the parcel or reject it then reorder when you've had your refund and go home