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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
YourWildAmberSloth · 21/12/2025 17:29

Considering his behaviour, I think ending the relationship was a great present. Forget the fact that it's Christmas/your birthday. Do you really want to spend your life with a man who behaves so inappropriately and frankly disgusting? Why are you begging to stay with him? I wouldn't be asking him if he wants to end it, because if he doesn't/hasn't, then you absolutely should. You've dodged a bullet. Go home.

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 21/12/2025 17:31

DoneWithMen · 21/12/2025 17:23

AI, creative fiction writing, wild imagination, boring school holidays?

Dickheads exist, you know.
Instead of troll hunting which is against MN guidelines, why not report it for them to check or just not comment on the off chance it is genuine and potentially upsetting someone further who is already feeling shitty?

FunnyLeader · 21/12/2025 17:32

I was somehow drawn to the title of this, but having read it, the man acts like a child and then blames you for everything and is abusive with it. I understand that you're bothered about suddenly not now having the birthday as you planned, but reality has sharply unfolded and you'd best get home and get out of the relationship. ND or no ND, he's arrested and an angry abusive AH and you can do better. Please leave and don't look back.

Wising you a very happy birthday

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:32

He’s flat out said he doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me and hasn’t thought about if he still even wants to be with me. He’s determined to die on the hill that I’ve wronged him. He won’t apologise

OP posts:
Smeegall · 21/12/2025 17:32

Why is he gesturing with his penis in a supermarket and not being arrested....

Happyhettie · 21/12/2025 17:32

He really has given you the very best birthday AND Christmas present - he’s opened your eyes to what a complete and utter knob he is.

I’m glad you’ve found your anger but it might be wise to play the long game of not showing him you’re angry and getting a lift to the station is ok but make sure you are safe. He sounds like a complete loon.

Travelling home on your birthday and away from this arsehole is the best birthday gift you can give yourself too.

Get on that train, text him and tell him it’s over and then either block or ignore further communications.

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:33

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 21/12/2025 17:20

Exactly, if he knows you're off tomorrow, what's the bet that he's all apologetic and nice?
I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't want to take you to the train station or expects you to stay.
Get yourself out of there without relying on him.

He’s flat out said he doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me and hasn’t thought about if he still even wants to be with me. He’s determined to die on the hill that I’ve wronged him. He won’t apologise

OP posts:
Happyhettie · 21/12/2025 17:33

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:33

He’s flat out said he doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me and hasn’t thought about if he still even wants to be with me. He’s determined to die on the hill that I’ve wronged him. He won’t apologise

He’s a twat

Hubblebubble · 21/12/2025 17:34

If this is genuine, why on earth aren't you thrilled the relationship has come to an end? Honestly, you should've ended it yourself. Where has your self worth wandered off to?

JingleMyBellsChristmasSmells · 21/12/2025 17:35

Fuck waiting for an apology! Get away from him, he sounds like a right loser!

Devuelta81 · 21/12/2025 17:36

DoneWithMen · 21/12/2025 17:23

AI, creative fiction writing, wild imagination, boring school holidays?

Sadly I can completely believe this, I've been with someone who behaved similarly for way too long. Wanting a relationship to work + gaslighting/trauma bonding is a very powerful combination, and these guys are never terrible all the time. If this sort of thing couldn't be real, domestic abuse wouldn't exist.

This also sounds like a long distance relationship, and from my own experience I think it's easier to persuade yourself to keep trying/that these things are just isolated when you're not face to face with it all the time.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 21/12/2025 17:36

Run, run for the station and the hills. Best thing that could have happened to you - you don't know it yet, but you will and we all do!!!

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/12/2025 17:38

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:13

A taxi would make me bankrupt! There is no public transport

Sometimes, it is worth paying through the nose rather than risk being fucked about by a man who has form in fucking you about. It is far cheaper in the long run.

butterpuffed · 21/12/2025 17:38

Smeegall · 21/12/2025 17:32

Why is he gesturing with his penis in a supermarket and not being arrested....

Exactly . OP said there were children around so there must have been parents too.

Why did nobody get in touch with the Police?

MrsJeanLuc · 21/12/2025 17:39

diddl · 21/12/2025 17:22

Honestly Op if you were my relative/friend I'd come & get you.

Yeah me too.

@Sadly11 you've had a horrible experience today, but look on it as a lucky escape. He's shown you that he is an immature, controlling dick who doesn't care a fig about you.

You don't say how long you have been together, but however long it is you need to cut your losses and run.

Don't say anything to him until you are safely away. And be prepared to call an Uber if you have to (even if it does bankrupt you).

Fupoffyagrasshole · 21/12/2025 17:40

Op how can you not have emergency money or a credit card for situations like this!! It’s dangerous. Get your parcel and get in a taxi and get the hell out out of there asap

how did you meet this guy who lives hours away anyway?

no friends or family you can call/ spend Christmas with?

if my friend called me and need a lift I’d come ! I’d know my dad would come if I needed him in a situation like this

Shufflebumnessie · 21/12/2025 17:40

Imagine that you had a daughter who had just told you that her partner had behaved in the same way. Would you tell her that kind of behaviour is normal, acceptable & forgivable? Or would you tell her to run for the hills and never look back?

RedFrogs · 21/12/2025 17:40

He sounds like he has really erratic behaviour. I’d leave the parcel, get a taxi and go now. Ask him to send the parcel to you. Don’t risk your safety for a parcel.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 21/12/2025 17:41

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

Please leave him the well alone! Don't touch him with a ten foot barge pole. You have been gaslit into thinking you are in the wrong. You are not. Just because he finds it triggering (although adulting is not something a grown man should find 'triggering'!) and has told you so, doesn't mean you can't expect him to behave like an adult. You need to get as far away from this man as possible!

Horses7 · 21/12/2025 17:41

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:33

He’s flat out said he doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me and hasn’t thought about if he still even wants to be with me. He’s determined to die on the hill that I’ve wronged him. He won’t apologise

Thank the Lord at least you don’t have to finish it and potentially anger him further.

ContentedAlpaca · 21/12/2025 17:41

Op that's dreadful behaviour from him. I'm sorry it's all come to a head so suddenly and marred your birthday, but at least you can enter the new year without him.

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 21/12/2025 17:41

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:33

He’s flat out said he doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me and hasn’t thought about if he still even wants to be with me. He’s determined to die on the hill that I’ve wronged him. He won’t apologise

So take him at his word, then.
Go tomorrow. Don't rely on him to take you as bets are on he'll be arsey with you about it.
Go have yourself a lovely Christmas at home with some chocolates /treat food for yourself or whatever and some nice Christmas films on telly.
A million times better than being in a sulky atmosphere and walking on eggshells around someone who "may or may not" still want to be with you.
Make the decision for him and salvage some Christmas peace and sanity for yourself.

queenofwandss · 21/12/2025 17:42

OP go home at the earliest opportunity and have your parcel diverted?

Rosealea · 21/12/2025 17:42

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BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 21/12/2025 17:44

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WTAF, victim blaming much

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