For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

[Sadly11]

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

I'd rather sit outside waiting for the delivery and then get a taxi to the station rather than put up with that shite.
He's absolutely mental OP, it's a real blessing he's decided to split up with you. Best birthday gift you could get.

@Sadly11

Honestly I’d bet he won’t speak to me tonight, tomorrow or even on the train ride to the station

Do what I did when I had a 'sulker', start to think of the 'silent treatment' as 'blessed silence'. When they're sulking at least they aren't bitching, moaning, and carrying in on at us.

Good luck for tomorrow. I hope the parcel comes early!!

PS Where I live (US) Uber covers a lot of rural areas. It's expensive, but may be worth it!

A taxi to the nearest train station would make you bankrupt? Are you not in the UK?

Get rid of this nasty little weirdo and RAISE THE BAR OP. Fuck me what did I just read? He is an abusive freak. Have a much happier Christmas far away from it. 💐

But when someone is so angry at you, says you did the worst thing possible, won’t even talk to you and calls your behaviour shocking, it makes you start second guessing yourself.

Well no because he assaulted you & you removed yourself.
That can never be wrong.

This isn’t the first time it’s happened between us either

The first time should have been the last but at least this one will be.

Did that not make you a tad suspicious at that point even?

How far away is the station that getting a taxi there would make you bankrupt?

Can't you just get an Uber to the train station?
(Money permitting of course)
I wouldn't be relying on him to take you after all this.

Then get a taxi a shorter distance to where there is public transport. You're seriously planning to get in a car with him after all this?

What? ‘Making gestures with his penis’ ffs, I wouldn’t be crying I’d be celebrating… forget your parcel I’d be in the taxi getting the hell out of there.

No, this is no good. You had no other choice than to walk away tbh, his behaviour was dreadful and I've never heard of shopping being the cause of someone wanting to lift up your skirt, penis stuff or grope your chest. No, not acceptable and as a fully grown adult, even with anxiety, this is not on.

Has he ever sought help for his anxiety? I bet it's a no. This is the crux of it for me.

He needed to apologise when you got back. He doesn't need to now sulk. OP, sorry this b'day and Xmas sucks but being with the wrong man is worse. What happens next time? Or if you went on to have a family with him, would you ever trust him alone with your children? Don't be afraid to be alone, go home, grab some wine on the way and something nice to eat and just chill.

By the way, invited a neighbour to a pub quiz back in Sept, to join a team of other neighbours. He behaved like this, and no, not drunk. He couldn't sit still, couldn't listen to the questions, repeated over and over the same things loudly, was going around to other tables uninvited, trying to chat up a couple of women and I could see and feel the disapproval of everyone in that room on our table. We couldn't hear questions, let alone concentrate and I think others were finding it a struggle too.
Later on, he passively aggressively apologised to me because I'd asked him jokingly but firmly to shut up at one stage. F that shit, don't care what his problem is, I don't do passively aggressive and I don't do this kind of behaviour. He needs to get help, he is manic but never will because he doesn't see his behaviour an issue.

Exactly, if he knows you're off tomorrow, what's the bet that he's all apologetic and nice?
I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't want to take you to the train station or expects you to stay.
Get yourself out of there without relying on him.

Honestly Op if you were my relative/friend I'd come & get you.

AI, creative fiction writing, wild imagination, boring school holidays?

I think you’ve had an incredibly lucky escape and hopefully a way out of this relationship. He’s an absolute bellend, completely abusive. I agree with what others have said, play along with his sulking nonsense, get home safely and dump him! Please also tell him what a cretin he is.

I thought at first you had left him on an island. Having read your post, I think you would be quite justified if you had. As it is, I’m sure you feel rotten today, but you have really dodged a bullet and deserve better.

That was quicker than I thought.

For fucks sake, being autistic or whatever doesn't excuse being a rapey prick.

Get away from this trash OP.

I get overwhelmed food shopping but I've never flashed my tits and groped my husband.

My guess is that he doesn't want to ever be asked to do food shopping again so you'll do it all and he gets to opt out of basic adulting.

Op do you not have any family or friends who would be willing to pick you up? If I knew my dd had been treated this way I'd drive a few hours to get her no problem. Not sure if being in the car alone with him is a good idea right now.

Tesco would be a very different experience if many did this wouldn't it?!

Best of luck. Please don't let him apologise and sucker you into staying, he's an absolutely shocking character and you need to be rid of him. Do you have a safe and comfortable place to sleep tonight away from him?

See where your nearest village/town is and check the bus/train timetables that go from there.
Get an Uber/taxi to said near village/town.
Ubers are usually a lot cheaper than a taxi firm.

He sounds absolutely batshit. Why does his being triggered lead to him sexually abusing you???

I’d also leave today.

How have things been up to now? Any red flags?

And why on earth didn’t he get a food delivery before you arrived, if it triggers him so much?

This is not your life, it’s yet another bloody awful man attempting to get his kicks by controlling a woman.
But you can leave, leave immediately; you have agency, and this isn’t the world of the original ‘Gaslight’ movie (starring Anton Walbrook whose psychotic behaviour would never have stretched to that terrible degradation in a public space.)

Whatever is in that parcel can’t be equal in value to being free of this pustule, this worm.
Get out now: not with a lift from him but an Uber, and don’t look back.
Rest assured, however trying you think a birthday and Christmas on your tod might be, it’s nothing compared to what this twat would have subjected you to this week.
You don’t need a man to complete you, not even a properly functioning one, so I’d leave the whole dating thing alone for a while.

Please don’t spend another night at his place. He’s only going to want to inflict further damage to your psyche.
If you really must be on hand for the post, can you get a hotel room?

Too right. My late mother always advised me to have 'running away money' that only I know about and only I could access. This advise came despite her having a happy and equal marriage to my father (they got married in the 60's, equality in marriage back then was unusual, she ended up being the higher earner and when my younger sibling was born it was my father who stayed at home for a year). Always have at least enough for an expensive taxi and a night in a hotel, preferably more.