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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
bigsisteriswatchingyou · 21/12/2025 17:04

Don’t be surprised if tonight/
early tomorrow he decides to forgive you … I would still advise you get away and don’t look back, he will rob you of your life …

luckylavender · 21/12/2025 17:04

You’re better off without him. It’s a good present for you.

Makingadecision · 21/12/2025 17:05

Also he is so self absorbed. He’s spoken about how you’ve treated him but no thought of the impact his unwanted sexual behaviour has had on you . He’s absolutely wrong and you will be better without him.

luckylavender · 21/12/2025 17:05

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:56

I’m going to end it, I really need my parcel so I do have to stay tonight. He’s still seething so he won’t even try to talk to me, not that it makes a difference. I’ll leave as soon as my parcel comes tomorrow. These comments have stopped me crying and now I’m just angry. He lives rural so I will need him to drop me to the station, I’m sure that’ll be a fun car ride. I haven’t decided how I’ll end it, he won’t want to talk to me tomorrow, I think I’ll just text him on the train home

Get an Uber

Beachtastic · 21/12/2025 17:06

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:56

I’m going to end it, I really need my parcel so I do have to stay tonight. He’s still seething so he won’t even try to talk to me, not that it makes a difference. I’ll leave as soon as my parcel comes tomorrow. These comments have stopped me crying and now I’m just angry. He lives rural so I will need him to drop me to the station, I’m sure that’ll be a fun car ride. I haven’t decided how I’ll end it, he won’t want to talk to me tomorrow, I think I’ll just text him on the train home

If this is real, OP (and the only thing that makes me think it MIGHT be is that I've dated some nutters in my time), you need to forget about the fucking parcel and use the internet to research your public transport options for getting home tonight, instead of posting here.

Slightly different, but this sort of behaviour reminds me of one guy I stuck with for ages because everything had started out so rosy that I was romantically convinced we were "in love", plus to be fair he was pretty hot in bed. So I turned a blind eye to the weirdest behaviour.

It wasn't until he tried to kill someone that his inner turmoil became apparent (when police uncovered all sorts of written ramblings he'd hidden, full of plots and craziness). He never did get MH support, and is now in prison (not, oddly enough, for the attempted murder!)

Does he smoke weed?

PandoraSocks · 21/12/2025 17:06

He invited you for Christmas, but didn't bother to do his shopping online, even though that is what he normally does? A person who gets triggered by shopping in a supermarket would surely be ultra careful not to have to go to one during the busiest time of the year? Did he deliberately want to cause a scene?

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:07

Horses7 · 21/12/2025 17:03

Don’t tell him you’re ending it before you get home - keep him sweet because who knows what he’ll do if he gets angrier.
Say you both need time to cool down and feel less sad ….and you’ll keep in touch over Christmas then when you’re home finish it. Does he know where you live?? Does he have a key to your home?? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

He doesn’t have a key but he knows where I live. Our last conversation basically boiled down to “I haven’t thought about if I want to be with you,” so I’ve decided to make the decision for both of us. I’m not worried about him doing anything dangerous, he’s just seething because in his mind he hasn’t done anything wrong and I’m apparently the villain

OP posts:
PandoraSocks · 21/12/2025 17:07

Get a taxi to the station.

pinkyredrose · 21/12/2025 17:07

Could you swap your delivery address for the parcel and leave today?

BadgernTheGarden · 21/12/2025 17:08

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

Left alone forever would be my choice.

Friendlyfart · 21/12/2025 17:09

Get rid of this complete weirdo. Now.
Go back home, get some nice food in. WhatsApp your mates and have a nice bday/xmas without this poor excuse for a human.

Terrribletwos · 21/12/2025 17:09

So did he get the food op?

RampantIvy · 21/12/2025 17:09

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:01

Oops, I did mean aisle. At this stage I’d have welcomed the island.

I’ve been really thinking that I did something awful and feeling terrible about it. I even spent 4 hours cleaning his house last night to try to make it up to him when he went out (didn’t even tell me he was going out just left me here alone) I’m mental. I’ve genuinely been feeling like I did something truly awful by leaving him

That's typical gaslighting behaviour.

You did nothing wrong at all. He is the one in the wrong here. He clearly needs to do something about his behaviour and you need to escape as soon as you get your parcel.

WallaceinAnderland · 21/12/2025 17:10

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism.

Sexual assault can never be a 'coping mechanism'. I have concerns that you don't know this OP.

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:11

Beachtastic · 21/12/2025 17:06

If this is real, OP (and the only thing that makes me think it MIGHT be is that I've dated some nutters in my time), you need to forget about the fucking parcel and use the internet to research your public transport options for getting home tonight, instead of posting here.

Slightly different, but this sort of behaviour reminds me of one guy I stuck with for ages because everything had started out so rosy that I was romantically convinced we were "in love", plus to be fair he was pretty hot in bed. So I turned a blind eye to the weirdest behaviour.

It wasn't until he tried to kill someone that his inner turmoil became apparent (when police uncovered all sorts of written ramblings he'd hidden, full of plots and craziness). He never did get MH support, and is now in prison (not, oddly enough, for the attempted murder!)

Does he smoke weed?

He doesn’t smoke weed and the only dangerous thing about him is his ego. I’m not worried about my safety. The parcel is very expensive and can’t be rerouted so I basically have to hang around for that. Honestly I’d bet he won’t speak to me tonight, tomorrow or even on the train ride to the station, maybe he’ll begrudgingly mutter “happy birthday” at some point

OP posts:
Lostsoultrip · 21/12/2025 17:11

What's in the parcel that's so important that you'd spend another night with this man?

SpinningaCompass · 21/12/2025 17:11

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

Followed up by his disgusting message about how you leaving him in the store was WORSE than his own vile, indecent behaviour.

Why the almighty fuck were you looking to save your relationship with this disgusting human. Get your stuff, get your parcel, and get yourself out of there. Permanently.

Lostsoultrip · 21/12/2025 17:11

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:11

He doesn’t smoke weed and the only dangerous thing about him is his ego. I’m not worried about my safety. The parcel is very expensive and can’t be rerouted so I basically have to hang around for that. Honestly I’d bet he won’t speak to me tonight, tomorrow or even on the train ride to the station, maybe he’ll begrudgingly mutter “happy birthday” at some point

Why on earth would you get him to give you a lift? Get a taxi/Uber/bus.

financialcareerstuff · 21/12/2025 17:12

Please stick to your decision. Expect a bunch of theatrics tomorrow when you make it clear you want to leave rather than grovel. He will probably try to massively guilt you….. he cant believe that on top of abandoning him yesterday you are abandoning him further just before Christmas blah Di blah. Don’t lose your resolution. Get out and stay out. Best birthday gift you could ever give yourself!

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:12

Terrribletwos · 21/12/2025 17:09

So did he get the food op?

yes surprisingly he managed that all by himself

OP posts:
BadgernTheGarden · 21/12/2025 17:12

Just tell him you are obviously not good enough for him so you think it's best to end it. After you are well away obviously, take all the blame. He is really nuts, however much it's blamed on this or that, not your problem.

Poodlelove · 21/12/2025 17:12

Tell him you are going home .😞

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:13

Lostsoultrip · 21/12/2025 17:11

Why on earth would you get him to give you a lift? Get a taxi/Uber/bus.

A taxi would make me bankrupt! There is no public transport

OP posts:
Teajenny7 · 21/12/2025 17:13

Have your parcel redirected. Look up local taxi or uber. Book into a cheap hotel or hostel. Get first train home. Change your locks when you can. Block him.

OriginalUsername2 · 21/12/2025 17:14

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 17:13

A taxi would make me bankrupt! There is no public transport

Life lesson for the future - always have a Fuck This fund.