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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 21/12/2025 16:55

Get your parcel
Get an uber to the station
Get the train
Don't look back.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 21/12/2025 16:55

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:29

At first I thought I’d done nothing wrong and was expecting an apology when I walked out. But when someone is so angry at you, says you did the worst thing possible, won’t even talk to you and calls your behaviour shocking, it makes you start second guessing yourself. This isn’t the first time it’s happened between us either

Oh darling.
Forget your parcel, honestly, is it worth it?
If it helps in any way. It's also my birthday tomorrow. I'm working 6am til 4pm and my DH is working 4pm til 2am so, I'll also technically be alone on my birthday.
His behaviour was utterly disgusting. Disgusting doesn't even cover it. To humiliate you and make you feel uncomfortable is just the tip of the iceberg. Walk away. Start your new age year with your head held high. Not pandering to the needs of an emotionally stunted child.
I promise it will be fine.
Christmas. So what. You can do what YOU want to do. Get up when you like. Make yourself some food, order yourself a gift from you to you. Watch your favorite movie, read a book, go for a walk. Anything will be an improvement on this arsehole. Book your train. Don't even let him take you to the station. Book an uber. Pack your stuff. Cheerily stick your middle finger up and ba bye.

Barney16 · 21/12/2025 16:55

He's lucky security didn't ring the police. Generally you don't see many people acting out sexually in the veg aisle. If you haven't left already get a move on because he sounds dangerous.

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:56

I’m going to end it, I really need my parcel so I do have to stay tonight. He’s still seething so he won’t even try to talk to me, not that it makes a difference. I’ll leave as soon as my parcel comes tomorrow. These comments have stopped me crying and now I’m just angry. He lives rural so I will need him to drop me to the station, I’m sure that’ll be a fun car ride. I haven’t decided how I’ll end it, he won’t want to talk to me tomorrow, I think I’ll just text him on the train home

OP posts:
blankcanvas3 · 21/12/2025 16:56

He finds the food shop triggering so he grabbed his penis? What?

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/12/2025 16:56

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

This is a set-up. This man wants to be dumped because he lacks the courage to do so himself.

"Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving."
And there's the first clue. He normally orders online, but he CHOSE not to, he CHOSE to need to go to a supermarket, somewhere this bellend describes as "triggering".

"On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up."
Clue two - putting breaking up into your mind.

"Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comment"
What the actual fuck? I wouldn't have made it to the frozen aisle, I'd have walked out at this point.

"he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention."
He wanted to draw attention. He wanted this to be a toe-curlingly awful as possible for you.

"I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism."
His coping mechanism is sexually assaulting you in a public space and exposing himself in front of children? That is NOT a coping mechanism, that is plain old-fashioned predatory behaviour.

"I’ve been made to feel awful, like I’ve done something really awful to him."
So, having got his jollies from sexually assaulting you in public, he is now getting his jollies from subjecting you to abusive behaviour.

"I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone."
Depends how much you want that parcel. I might count it as collateral damage and abandon it. So really, think about that. It might be late, post is notorious at this time of year. How much do you really want it? Enough to put up with another day (or two) of this minger? It would have to be really really important to me, more important than getting away from him.

And I would consider a 3 hour train ride as putting three hours between me and him and that is BRILLIANT. The best birthday present in the world, to be free of am abusive bastard like him. Being alone is far, far better than being with HIM.

Seriously - what the hell are you doing with this deranged piece of shit?

OonaStubbs · 21/12/2025 16:57

What is wrong with people? If going to a supermarket is "triggering", how does he cope with the genuine challenges of life?

fashionqueen0123 · 21/12/2025 16:58

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:56

I’m going to end it, I really need my parcel so I do have to stay tonight. He’s still seething so he won’t even try to talk to me, not that it makes a difference. I’ll leave as soon as my parcel comes tomorrow. These comments have stopped me crying and now I’m just angry. He lives rural so I will need him to drop me to the station, I’m sure that’ll be a fun car ride. I haven’t decided how I’ll end it, he won’t want to talk to me tomorrow, I think I’ll just text him on the train home

Good idea. The most dangerous time is when they know you are leaving. So do it once you’re away and safe

Cosyblankets · 21/12/2025 16:58

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:56

I’m going to end it, I really need my parcel so I do have to stay tonight. He’s still seething so he won’t even try to talk to me, not that it makes a difference. I’ll leave as soon as my parcel comes tomorrow. These comments have stopped me crying and now I’m just angry. He lives rural so I will need him to drop me to the station, I’m sure that’ll be a fun car ride. I haven’t decided how I’ll end it, he won’t want to talk to me tomorrow, I think I’ll just text him on the train home

Sorry i read that the parcel was today.
Is it really that important?

pinkyredrose · 21/12/2025 16:59

YourZippyHare · 21/12/2025 16:47

Ok so... let's say he has anxiety and food shopping can be difficult for him, he prefers to order.

What the fuck has that got to do with him being publicly indecent, sexually harassing / assaulting you in a supermarket, and then blaming you for being pissed off and leaving?

You haven't left somebody who was having a panic attack, for example. He was actively being abusive... and still is.

This. Plus why the fuck did you clean his house for him!

Getdne · 21/12/2025 16:59

You should report him.
The supermarket probably has CCTV.
He is a danger to women.
Call 101 for advice.

fashionqueen0123 · 21/12/2025 16:59

OonaStubbs · 21/12/2025 16:57

What is wrong with people? If going to a supermarket is "triggering", how does he cope with the genuine challenges of life?

Exactly! Is choosing what pair of socks to wear also triggering ffs

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/12/2025 17:00

"He lives rural so I will need him to drop me to the station, I’m sure that’ll be a fun car ride."
Can you be sure he would drive you to the station? Can you be sure he would drive you at all? He sounds deranged, and petty, and vengeful. Can you order a taxi instead, even if you have to pay through the nose for it?

Are you sure you NEED this parcel more then you need to get away from him?

OriginalUsername2 · 21/12/2025 17:00

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

Wow. I’ve not encountered this particular type of arsehole before 😫

Silent treatment is abuse.

The rest of it is fucking bizarre.

Purplewarrior · 21/12/2025 17:00

Mate this bloke is horrible. Mauling at you in public. 🤮

Can you not order a taxi tomorrow? Get out of there, block him and don’t look back.

lechatnoir · 21/12/2025 17:01

OP He's a vile, abusive knob. Walk away and don't ever look back this will never get any better.

What is triggering all about? I've heard this used a few times now and confused how someone saying it seems to absolve them of doing certain things? Of course I get it in the context of "I was abused and going back to my childhood home is triggering" but "the frozen aisle is triggering". WTAF. Is this is a social media trend I've missed?

Millytante · 21/12/2025 17:02

utterlytraumatised · 21/12/2025 16:53

Sorry I have just read that he definitely doesnt have any ND, not that would be an excuse anyway, and that he’s in his 40s!

This is a man baby and a pervert. Urgh

I wonder what has been the sustaining attraction he has held for OP, up to this débâcle in the supermarket. Ugh.

eish · 21/12/2025 17:02

What an utter dick. If supermarkets are so triggering then he should have organised and done the shopping online. If it was about money, he could have asked you for a contribution. This is all on him but frankly you are well rid.

AgnesX · 21/12/2025 17:02

Are the parcel contents expensive? By now I'd have cut my losses and gone. That behaviour would have given me the biggest ick ever

The guy's a complete fruit loop. Problems with decision making? How did he ever get to his 40s 🙄

BadgernTheGarden · 21/12/2025 17:02

Well rid, go home and forget him he's too high maintenance for any girl friend. He needs a therapist at the least and he's horrible as well just cut your losses it won't get any better.

Horses7 · 21/12/2025 17:03

Don’t tell him you’re ending it before you get home - keep him sweet because who knows what he’ll do if he gets angrier.
Say you both need time to cool down and feel less sad ….and you’ll keep in touch over Christmas then when you’re home finish it. Does he know where you live?? Does he have a key to your home?? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Makingadecision · 21/12/2025 17:03

Although it’s meant you won’t have a good time this year think of this as the best birthday present you could have. It can only get better without him.

LividArse · 21/12/2025 17:03

What's in the parcel? And rural areas have taxis. Get one.

FerrisWheelsandLilacs · 21/12/2025 17:04

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

What a prince amongst men.

You’ve had a lucky escape.

Dragonfly97 · 21/12/2025 17:04

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:56

I’m going to end it, I really need my parcel so I do have to stay tonight. He’s still seething so he won’t even try to talk to me, not that it makes a difference. I’ll leave as soon as my parcel comes tomorrow. These comments have stopped me crying and now I’m just angry. He lives rural so I will need him to drop me to the station, I’m sure that’ll be a fun car ride. I haven’t decided how I’ll end it, he won’t want to talk to me tomorrow, I think I’ll just text him on the train home

You're doing the right thing OP, get out of there and enjoy your life, it's too short to put up with this nonsense. You don't need this idiot making your life this complicated! When you're with the right person it seems easy, believe me, I know- I was in an abusive relationship before I met my lovely DH, and everything was a struggle. Don't waste your life trying to help that idiot.