For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

[Sadly11]

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

Yeah, I mean what?! Is there a massive backstory you've not bothered to disclose or something?
You really have to ask if you're unreasonable for leaving him when he's doing shit like grabbing at you and lifting your skirt up in the middle of the supermarket as well as all the other nonsense?!

I thought this was about somebody living in northern Finland or something

This

A 40 year old man who can't even handle a food shop, who thinks it is ok to molest you in public and ignores you saying no? This is not boyfriend material!!

Get yourself a taxi to the station for your birthday, treat yourself to peace and block him and do not try to 'fix'either the situation or him.... neither are worth your time! What a grade A wanker!

Ok so... let's say he has anxiety and food shopping can be difficult for him, he prefers to order.

What the fuck has that got to do with him being publicly indecent, sexually harassing / assaulting you in a supermarket, and then blaming you for being pissed off and leaving?

You haven't left somebody who was having a panic attack, for example. He was actively being abusive... and still is.

Are you out of your mind being with an unhinged perverted abusive man child.

Cleaning his house?
What age are you?

Forget your birthday.
Pack your bags and get the hell out of there.
Where is your self respect and self esteem?

If I witnessed a woman being sexually assaulted like you were in the supermarket I would be straight up to Security asking for assistance and the police to be called.

Unbelievable you do not realise how very wrong his behaviour is.

Run and don’t look back.

Can I be left alone now

Only response to that is a "yes" and literally leave it there. End.
Or a 👍 and leave.
I wouldn't entertain any more headspace and just leave him.

Christ on a bike get rid of this absolute throbber. Triggered by shopping? Triggered into behaving like a sex pest in public.
Hes a walking red flag.
I would be on that train home faster than shit off a shovel !!

I think you've had a lucky escape. This guy clearly needs help from a mental health professional.

@Hankunamatata is 100% correct, @Sadly11. Being a sex pest in public is NOT a valid coping mechanism for anxiety.

Wf planet are you on to lump this behaviour in with being ND??
That is so fucking insulting to so many peeps who are ND [2 of my sons included] wh go through life without sexually assaulting anyone in bloody Tescos because 'it's triggering' OP's, partner hopefully ex is a complete twat.
No excuses.

Agree. It follows the pattern of completely and utterly batshit OP where the man is a walking red flag parade and the woman blames herself followed by updates where the OP completely ignores everything that’s been said and tells us why it’s all her fault.

Usually taken down ‘to look behind the scenes’ and the OP is never seen again.

Go home OP. ND or “triggers” aside, this is abusive behaviour and not fair on you or other shoppers tbf.

He was literally acting like a pervert around children, I could not have that in my life. Imagine if you marry and have children, do you seriously want a man like that around your kids? Get rid.

So he behaved disgracefully toward you in public and when you asked him numerous times to stop, he ignored you. When you finally had enough and walked away, enforcing your boundary, you became a villain. You have to try everything you can, including cleaning his house for fucking hours, to stop the silent treatment and get his love again. He is abusive, OP. Pick up your parcel, go home, have a lovely Christmas as a single woman. This guy is a prick who should have a no fly zone around him as far as women are concerned. I guarantee when you do make it clear you are leaving, he turns the charm on again. Don't listen to his bullshit. If he can't cope with food shopping, he can't cope with life. Imagine all the the things he wouldn't be able to cope with without a meltdown if this relationship progressed and you moved in with him?!

Sounds horrendous. As soon as your parcel arrives then leave immediately and don’t look back!!!

Sounds like the break up should be your best birthday present ever. What a twat

@Sadly11

Why was he in a supermarket in the first place? If he was that 'triggered' as an adult with agency, he should have refused to go. I get you needed food, but I assume he did have the option of making a list (in the comfort of home), setting some sort of budget, and then giving you his card and waiting for you outside the store. I assume you didn't drag or guilt him into going inside, right?

I also apply the 'adult with agency' to his behaviours in the store. He could have left the store when he felt his panic rising. My DS2 used to have anxiety attacks in crowded places. If he felt the panic rising, he would use his 'code word' for an impending anxiety attack and then he'd leave the area. Do you think your bf was trying to 'make a point' or embarrass you intentionally by exhibiting these behaviours rather than quickly walking out?

I agree it's time to cut him loose. I'm not saying he's a bad person or that his issues with decision making aren't real and don't affect his life. But it appears he isn't trying to do anything about them except avoid the trigger. My DS faced his head on and got the help he needed. And I wouldn't choose to be in a relationship with someone who thinks the silent treatment is acceptable. It's one thing to say "I'm really upset with you, please give me some space to get my balance back", and quite another to say "Leave me alone!" and then ignore you and go out.

As far as the package, I'd probably try and stick it out if it's too late to change the delivery or ask if they can 'hold for pickup' tomorrow and you go get it. And then I'd probably take myself out of the house if I could and just return in time to go to bed.

Please leave him. Just go

He’s way out of date. The Clash dealt with this in 1979, when Mick Jones was ‘All Lost In The Supermarket’.
He needs a new personality trait to call his own and with which to ensnare sympathetic women.

Sorry I have just read that he definitely doesnt have any ND, not that would be an excuse anyway, and that he’s in his 40s!

This is a man baby and a pervert. Urgh

Be a funny story for the grandkids one day

Exxxxactly! Jaysus, what a turn-off.

He's not mature enough to be in a relationship. My guess is he lifted up your skirt and grabbed your chest in the supermarket as a coping mechanism. It's a bad way to sooth, but it's a way none the less. He's not ready for a relationship, I'm afraid.

Yep.