Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
Figgygal · 21/12/2025 16:35

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:29

At first I thought I’d done nothing wrong and was expecting an apology when I walked out. But when someone is so angry at you, says you did the worst thing possible, won’t even talk to you and calls your behaviour shocking, it makes you start second guessing yourself. This isn’t the first time it’s happened between us either

Honestly get out of there op and never look back what an absolute knobber he is

ilovepixie · 21/12/2025 16:35

This man is deranged. Especially if he is in his 40’s. I thought he was early 20’s by his behaviour.
When you get your parcel, go home and don’t look back. Think of it as a lucky escape.

EchoesOfOurDreams · 21/12/2025 16:35

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:29

At first I thought I’d done nothing wrong and was expecting an apology when I walked out. But when someone is so angry at you, says you did the worst thing possible, won’t even talk to you and calls your behaviour shocking, it makes you start second guessing yourself. This isn’t the first time it’s happened between us either

Girl get some intense therapy because I cannot believe you think that this behaviour is even somewhat normal or that you have done anything wrong whatsoever.

I'm starting to think this thread must be a windup because otherwise how can women actually live like this in the year of our lord 2025 it is actually insane.

BeeHive909 · 21/12/2025 16:36

You know I’d have let the dirty fucker get his penis out and be arrested . He’s disgusting . I would have also screamed help if he’d kept grabbing my bits. Why are you putting up with this? If he has so much anxiety shopping and knew you were coming then he should have got off his arse and done an online food shop. He’s nothing but a perverted liar and creep.

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 21/12/2025 16:36

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:29

At first I thought I’d done nothing wrong and was expecting an apology when I walked out. But when someone is so angry at you, says you did the worst thing possible, won’t even talk to you and calls your behaviour shocking, it makes you start second guessing yourself. This isn’t the first time it’s happened between us either

So this has happened before, why on earth did you not finish it with him then? It's a little hard to be sympathetic now you've added that drip feed

UnhappyHobbit · 21/12/2025 16:36

I’m curious, where did you meet him? He’s been out in public before right?

BunnyLake · 21/12/2025 16:37

Tyburnx · 21/12/2025 16:32

At last.. someone else can see this is complete and utter bollocks

Edited

Do you think it’s not real (I’m terrible for picking up signs).

Anyahyacinth · 21/12/2025 16:37

You really need to leave now, he isn’t a safe person. I wouldn’t care if it was gold jewellery arriving tomorrow ..just get up and go home. There are no excuses for his behaviour…you were coming to stay and he’d bought no food ..what a joke.
You have your warning …you just need to leave..forget parcels, Birthday…someone who behaves like that isn’t safe and you need to leave. Why risk any escalation?

Pedallleur · 21/12/2025 16:37

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:08

He’s well into his 40’s

And he will be single well into his 70s, hopefully without you. Run, run now.

SparklyBrickViper · 21/12/2025 16:38

Order a taxi, get a room booked for tonight and get out of there.

*if this is real

TessSaysYes · 21/12/2025 16:38

Ask yourself do you deserve better than this shitshow? Be honest with yourself...drop this one back into the sea.

Inertia · 21/12/2025 16:39

It feels shit right now, and a birthday and Christmas alone probably feels terrifying, but you have dodged a bullet here.

Santa has given you the early Christmas gift of a life free of this abusive pervert. Anyone groping their partner and their own genitals in front of children in a public place needs to learn how unacceptable their behaviour is.

Claiming to have been driven to sexual assault by fishfingers is absolute horseshit.

AwfullyGood · 21/12/2025 16:39

I no longer believe this. No one is this poor at underestimating his level of instability and the situation that they need to get out of.

I always post in good faith, even if the post sounds off, on the basis that someone may really need advice is a bizarre situation but the responses are less credible than the original.

NettleTea · 21/12/2025 16:40

a couple of questions.

Did he come back with the food or did he leave it there?

Would he normally have paid, or would he have expected you to pay - could this be why it was 'the worst thing you could do' because he was either forced to pay for it, or made to look like the twat he was in front of the people in the supermarket once his manipulation victim had gone - he is obviously capable of feeling embarassment after all!

If he has trouble deciding in a supermarket, how is he at deciding in a restaurant?

Has he got food etc in for Christmas - Im assuming not - or is there a delivery due? did he think you were going to do it all / provide it all? Do you do alot of that?

Does he work? do you? Are you funding him? Do you normally bring food when you come? Yopu say you were starving - was he waiting for you to offer to get a takeaway? None of this makes any sense if he was supposed to be hosting you for your birthday / Christmas, even if you were supposed to be going out for one meal

Has he got a christmas present for you - is it wrapped and ready?

Im wondering if he didnt want the expense. How was last Christmas, or have you not been together that long? Im assuming you went way OTT for his birthday and he was happy to take that. Do you go out much / go on dates/ does he treat you too?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 21/12/2025 16:40

I can't understand why someone who is triggered by shopping in supermarkets hasn't seen the sense of online shopping?

Pollqueen · 21/12/2025 16:41

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:29

At first I thought I’d done nothing wrong and was expecting an apology when I walked out. But when someone is so angry at you, says you did the worst thing possible, won’t even talk to you and calls your behaviour shocking, it makes you start second guessing yourself. This isn’t the first time it’s happened between us either

Seriously? Well if you have any sense, you'll ensure this is the last time

Silverbirchleaf · 21/12/2025 16:41

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:29

At first I thought I’d done nothing wrong and was expecting an apology when I walked out. But when someone is so angry at you, says you did the worst thing possible, won’t even talk to you and calls your behaviour shocking, it makes you start second guessing yourself. This isn’t the first time it’s happened between us either

Once, maybe you could write it off as a bad day. Twice shows a pattern and what he’s really like.

“ This isn’t the first time it’s happened between us either”

please let there not be a third time. Leave.

Redburnett · 21/12/2025 16:42

Go home OP, and never go back.

SoLongMae · 21/12/2025 16:42

if this is real, and I cannot quite believe it is, then he has given you the best birthday present imaginable: the opportunity never to see his face again.

Get out, go home, and thank your lucky stars you never have to deal with his shit again. Food shopping is "triggering" - triggering what, exactly? What a self indulgent pile of crap.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 21/12/2025 16:43

Yeah he’s a wack job @Sadly11 , this is definitely you not him. You should be furious and dumping him, not letting him make you feel bad.
Try to enjoy the evening and then go once your parcel is there and stop joyfully and freely into your new life without this weirdo waste of space.

JoshLymanSwagger · 21/12/2025 16:44
  1. Contact the courier and redirect the parcel. Do it NOW.
  2. Pack your stuff.
  3. Book a train ticket to go home (either tonight or tomorrow)
Don't look back, Block Him. Take all of your stuff. LEAVE.
liamharha · 21/12/2025 16:44

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

What a big wet wipe he sounds .
Honestly op this is shocking but your dodging a bullet he's sounds unhinged and all though this is the worst possible time for you to deal with the fall out go home and block him on everything.

Katflapkit · 21/12/2025 16:44

A man well into his 40s behaving like this is truly bizarre. Going right back to the beginning, you make 3 hour train ride and he has no food in the house. After the frozenaisle gate, you spend 4 hours cleaning his house to make up for it! Seriously, what state what that in, as he had clearly not spent the previous days batch cooking for your arrival. He goes out and leaves alone and doesn't tell where he has gone.

Drop him like a hot brick. He is not relationship material. Being single will always be better than being with him.

NettleTea · 21/12/2025 16:44

time4anothername · 21/12/2025 16:33

I do know someone whose Tourette's was set off by supermarkets (lighting, noise, overwhelm in choice) and sadly they suffered from "copropraxia" with their Tourette's which can involve the obscene sexual comments and gestures and touching. So I thought of this when I read your OP. However, as he is showing no remorse or apparent wish to find a way to manage whatever caused this and blames you for it, I would be leaving asap.

even if this is the case, as you say the way that OP has been treated is abysmal, and it doesnt seem as if he is getting any help to deal with it.

I just fear that OP will read this one comment and grasp onto it as an excuse.

There is NO excuse. especially not for a man in his 40s.

that said OP is not interacting or responding to anyone here, so Im beginning to have some doubts

Spookyspaghetti · 21/12/2025 16:44

He was in the wrong. He knows it but doesn’t want to deal with his own behaviour, hence doubling down and gaslighting you into thinking you were wrong.

He is happy and unashamed to abuse and assault you in public so what is he willing to do behind closed doors. He’s shown you who he really is and all that.

Sounds like he has been reading some Andrew Tate sh*t. I really hope you leave him and never look back!