DS dating a “influencer”, to think we just need to bite our tongues

[Thatsnotmyjobtoday]

DS is 26, normal job, normal life, very happy. He is currently in the early stages of a new relationship and his girlfriends job is social media, YouTube mostly but also TikTok etc. she seems to earn well from it and does mostly travel/experience content.
Personally I don’t really rate social media creators as a career but I understand some do very well from it, she seems like an intelligent girl, has a degree etc.
DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl. I think that would be futile, in my experience expressing discontent with an adult DCs decisions tends to only lead to them going further in on it.
I do have concerns they he might get tempted into the social media world or that her travel heavy lifestyle will make maintaining the relationship difficult, but I also think that is not our problem and DS will just have to navigate it if it comes up.
DH on the other hand is under the opinion that him being an adult doesn’t mean we aren’t his parents and a word of caution/advice is our duty in this situation.

Im worried DH is going to say something over Christmas (they aren’t spending it together but DS is coming home) and it’s going to result in an argument. Right now I’d say DS is in the smitten and doting phase so even if we did offer our opinions (which I don’t think we should) I doubt he’d listen as obviously she’s the best thing since sliced bread right now. I also worry we might not actually be qualified to comment as we aren’t part of the social media generation so have limited understanding on how it actually works.

AIBU to say we just need to bite our tongues, not rock the boat and see where it goes?

This is what it boils down to op.

The career landscape seems to be changing all the time , I’d be happy for her that she’s chosen a career where she can enjoy what she does as that’s very important. I think my elderly in-laws raised eyebrows at my son doing a music degree an then getting music editing jobs but he’s now head photographer and content creator for a manufacturer and on a full time contract, so it can evolve. Just enjoy seeing him happy and be there for him whatever plays out 👍

Looking back David Attenborough was the very first influencer I recall and look what he achieved. Ditto Steve Irwin.

If you go back further Jacques Cousteau.

It is not new just reinvented for the internet age

If she "earns well from it," it's a job. Neither you nor your husband gets any say in what a grown adult woman does with her life.

This absolutely reeks of judgement and condensation. Ugh!

Guess what? Most career paths are precarious.

You already said that you're an elderly person who doesn't know anything about social media, so how would you know how precarious it is?

She probably has a much more fun life than you, because she didn't choose to play it safe.

Probably a bin man.

Why would she want to bore her viewers?

If she travels frequently, she's probably a travel blogger or something similar. Bert and Bernie's front room in Slough won't be of interest to people who follow her.

Her tone is awful. She's clearly judging this young woman who she keeps referring to as a girl, even though she's an adult.

Read the OP comments he's very well educated

Unless your house is a tourist destination, someone who produces travel content isn't going to care.

People think that they are more interesting than they actually are.

Some of the lonely planet content is amazing.

We watched a Scottish man with two camels crossing Mongolia last night. Very interesting

Agreed and as she’s doing this for a living I am positive she’s up with privacy rules and isn’t going to suddenkh turn it into here is my boyfriends arsey parents, nor even ask for that. It’s like suggesting if you met judith charmers back in the day she’d be doing a segment on you. Um no.

You're views are great OP - it seems u have taken into consideration every pro and con there could be if DH were to say something as opposed to not saying anything - Your Idea IMO is the best idea - especially since DS is in the early smitten stage - it is very likely that your prediction about pushing him further in may become a reality if DH does not choose hos words very carefully if he feels the need to talk to DS. Whatever DH says - he must NOT under any circumstance, knock DS's choice of Girlfriend or make claims about her IQ just because she's a content creator - that would majorly hurt his feelings and he might never bring her actually around you or DH out of fear he might be embarassed somehow.

Try to convince DH to avoid any harsh conversations with DS about his new GF, but instead ask questions about how its going between them and if he is happy, how will they manage her travel etc light hearted questions showing Interest (even if DH has to fake it)... If DS answers yes - leave well alone! It is not the right time. But the minute he opens up about something negative to do with his GF then you can sort of tell him what reservations you had about her travelling and how they planned to manage it etc but gently - mention nothing to do with her job or IQ!! If DH wants to wean him off her - do it slowly, no arguments needed :)

Ultimately you and DH want the absolute best for DS which is not unreasonable at all and being 26?? He could be 56! He will still be your baby DS and LISTEN to his feelings and remember they are his feelings and DH needs to really try to keep the peace with DS no matter what 🙏🏾

If they get serious and a kid happens to come along, the last thing you both would want is to be excluded from the child so be wise DH!! Op got the right idea

Hoping Christmas is peaceful and joyful for you all

I am also the traditional generation and a couple of years ago may have the same initial reaction as your DH. However, I now learn that some influencers have done quite well and some of them do produce good content. Even now me and DH would look at some travel content to get ideas. Ask him to keep an open mind (and keep his opinion to himself).

Um I think this kind of disproves the point you are trying to make, in that that youtuber has told her entire audience she is pregnant, when she didn't need to! She could have just left it as 'taking time off for a few months!'

Whether they realise or mean to or not, most people engaged in content creation share far more of their daily lives with far more people than those of us in more traditional jobs. Even an offhand mention goes out to millions of people.

You really think a travel influencer won't post, for example, their honeymoon? She might not show OP's DS (although most travel influencers I've seen do end up showing whoever they are with at least briefly) but that doesn't mean that going on holiday with someone who is effectively working throughout won't impact him.

Besides which, you're missing the point. You don't know the full ins and outs of the lives of every single influencer you follow because you aren't that interested in them. You engage with their videos in the way they like/expect people to do - because you're interested in the context itself but not obsessed with the person.
There are probably lots of other examples like the 'pregnancy' throwaway comment that other people you watch have made and you haven't even noticed/don't even remember because you don't care that much about their personal lives (which is healthy!)

Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who don't do that and absolutely do fixate on the individual and find out/keep track of everything about them. Some might not do any more with this than bitch about them on tattle. Worst case scenario others take it further.

thank you Hence my comment before e will it still be making a ‘good standard of living ‘ in 15 yrs when computers run our world and as you say. AI wont cut it for true human interaction

Your Son is 26 & will know what his GF 'Job' Entails. It's up to him whether or not he can handle it. They can work things out between them so it will work if that's what they both want. Yours & your husbands opinions aren't relevant so I'd be saying nothing. Yes give advice if your Son asks for it but until then, he's 26 not 16 so doesn't need your approval of his GF. Some Influencers make a lot of money & go on to other, bigger & better things because of the platform they've got from their Socials so don't be too judgy of this girl until you know her properly.

Please take my phrase absolute fortune with a pinch of salt! Its a fortune to him at his age but for many it won't be. He is doing something he loves and earning money from it. He is sensible so the only loan he has is the university fees as in tuition fees. He lives at home and has no expenses. Apart from transport and socialising fees. I want to help him by not taking money from him so one day he can purchase his own property. Everyone has different opinions but I feel happy with mine.

Say nothing. He’s an adult. If you or your DH says anything against the girlfriend you’ll risk alienating yourselves. Remember being that age and my DM telling me my boyfriend was dodgy and shouldn’t see him. He was and I didn’t even like him that much, but she wasn’t going to tell me who I could date.

The fact that I think it's complete tosh doesn't mean it won't make some people happy. After all the daily horoscopes are immensely popular.

I think it kind of is relevant because it might make you think about how judgmental you're being.

You admit that DH knows nothing about it (although he clearly has very strong negative views anyway - interesting) and admit to having watched vids that you've enjoyed, and that she's making decent money from it, so what's the problem?

It's like you think life would be so much better if she was sitting in an office all day, but for all you know that could mean making way less or just being a lot less happy in her work. And it IS work! Editing the vids alone is a skill and she clearly has some talent for it if she's being invited to visit places and record about them.

For all you know, she could be making very shrewd financial decisions with her SM takings, setting herself up for an easier future whilst understanding it won't last forever. You say she has a degree well, they don't melt away if you don't use them for a few years!

I think you need to TALK to DS and ASK some questions, rather than assuming you know better and wanting to ADVISE him on something you clearly know little to nothing about.

I think you'd be doing yourselves a big favour if you just drop the judgment, admit to your ignorance and act interested, rather than sniffy.

Christ, she's doing so well she has staff!

It sounds like she's doing incredibly well.

Maybe you could help by posting her vids on your socials and trying to get her a few more viewers rather than stoking all of your worries?

Hell, if you posted one here, she'd get a serious spike in views/cash!

Your Dh is very judgemental

Surely that should make your husband take her seriously. It's pretty pathetic of him to have decided she is a waste of space without of even watching her videos. Hopefully, he will reconsider if he liked what he saw. I 100% agree with you about not trying to influence him either way. It would either make him wonder why his Dad thinks he knows better than him or just make him cross about being told what to do. Hope you can keep DH in check just for those reasons !