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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS dating a “influencer”, to think we just need to bite our tongues

700 replies

Thatsnotmyjobtoday · 17/12/2025 06:51

DS is 26, normal job, normal life, very happy. He is currently in the early stages of a new relationship and his girlfriends job is social media, YouTube mostly but also TikTok etc. she seems to earn well from it and does mostly travel/experience content.
Personally I don’t really rate social media creators as a career but I understand some do very well from it, she seems like an intelligent girl, has a degree etc.
DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl. I think that would be futile, in my experience expressing discontent with an adult DCs decisions tends to only lead to them going further in on it.
I do have concerns they he might get tempted into the social media world or that her travel heavy lifestyle will make maintaining the relationship difficult, but I also think that is not our problem and DS will just have to navigate it if it comes up.
DH on the other hand is under the opinion that him being an adult doesn’t mean we aren’t his parents and a word of caution/advice is our duty in this situation.

Im worried DH is going to say something over Christmas (they aren’t spending it together but DS is coming home) and it’s going to result in an argument. Right now I’d say DS is in the smitten and doting phase so even if we did offer our opinions (which I don’t think we should) I doubt he’d listen as obviously she’s the best thing since sliced bread right now. I also worry we might not actually be qualified to comment as we aren’t part of the social media generation so have limited understanding on how it actually works.

AIBU to say we just need to bite our tongues, not rock the boat and see where it goes?

OP posts:
AltitudeCheck · 17/12/2025 07:07

Perhaps reframe it to DH that the job is not that different from being a travel writer, journalist or even a TV presenter?

She's writing and designing material in multi media, presenting it herself and clearly understands technology, filming techniques and marketing/ advertising.... it's not OnlyFans (which seems to be some men's main frame of reference when thinking of women working online!)

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango123 · 17/12/2025 07:07

So your DH would only agree to your Son dating a woman who has a career he agrees with? Awful on his part. I have younger adult DC and am learning to try and keep my mouth shut and let them find their own path (as hard as it is at times). This woman could make your DS really happy that surely is the main goal in his life.

onyourway · 17/12/2025 07:10

If your dh heard she was a journalist, a communications manager, a PR person or in marketing, he wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. An influencer is just a modern, visual version of those roles?

Hohohohohohoho2025 · 17/12/2025 07:11

Influencing wouldn’t be a career for me because I value my privacy. But it’s a full
time job, often requirimg employing other people. It’s not an easy option.

jadoreyes · 17/12/2025 07:12

Your husband sounds awful. Who does he think he is?

Unless you think the GF is abusive in some way, your job is to be the welcoming committee, not the selection panel. In any event, being an influencer has nothing to do with intelligence. Presumably you’d both cope if was a freelance travel journalist? That’s basically what she is.

No idea why people are assuming she’ll want to film everything. She’s a professional content creator who will research and consider the content she creates. She’s not a 12yo with her first iPhone.

NewYearNewNameWhoKnew · 17/12/2025 07:13

She's essentially self-employed in advertising. Try reframing it that way to your DH - he wouldn't have a problem if she was employed by an ad agency writing puff pieces about laundry detergent would he? So long as she's not selling homemade porn it's basically the modern equivalent of being in ad copywriting.

namechangechangechangechange · 17/12/2025 07:13

Is he a snob? Would he feel she was beneath his son if she was a shop worker or clean or a carer?

Owly11 · 17/12/2025 07:13

Wow your dh sounds like a charmer. Is he always so judgemental. I mean if you want to ruin your relationship with your son you go ahead and let him now what you really think of this gf that she is idiotic with a low IQ!!

LostMySocks · 17/12/2025 07:14

Maybe it will help your DH to understand that there is a big spectrum of so called influencers.

Successful ones are effectively running a small private on line broadcasting company. They'll be creating and presenting content, researching topics and reacting to feedback. And working out how to make enough pay the bills.

Yes there are young people who do dances and show bits of if their lives and just having fun.

Maybe you should look up some of her stuff and see what she does. Might even be an interesting topic of conversation with DS

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 17/12/2025 07:14

Thatsnotmyjobtoday · 17/12/2025 07:06

Gosh various reasons, the need to give up the right to privacy to some extent, the precarious nature, heavily oversaturated market, cancel culture just to name a few.
It’s not something I’d encourage my children to do, that doesn’t mean it’s bad though.

Show quote history

I think you don’t understand it, they don’t give up their right to privacy, and I’ve no idea why cancel culture would impact here, it adds the feeling here that neither of you understand what this woman does, and have rushed in to judge,

you’d be better to take the time to ask her questions, as you’re just embarrassing yourselves, I’m even embarassed for you,

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 17/12/2025 07:15

I think if you want to save yourselves from embarrassment, you need to tell you husband to hush

It's a perfectly normal career and lucrative for many.

The low IQ comment is laughable.

She's not a prostitute, cop yourselves on (and maybe cancel the sub to the Telegraph or wherever your husband is picking up these mad ideas)

Wolmando · 17/12/2025 07:15

I would be more worried that she wanted to include the wider family in her influencing. You might find yourself featuring in it

Member984815 · 17/12/2025 07:15

Your son is an adult , your husband should stay out of it or risk ruining his relationship with ds. Interfering in other people's relationships never ends well.

OnlyReplyToIdiots · 17/12/2025 07:16

I work with someone married to an influencer. Personally never heard of them, but I know they don’t get free childcare hours as she earns over £100k.

But that’s not really the point… as long as DS is happy, you should be happy. Do you and DH have a list of careers you’d be happy for him ti date?

Sooono · 17/12/2025 07:17

Dh is the one being idiotic by thinking her business choice = low iq. I am not an influencer but I work for them, she is self employed promoting her brand, scripting, filming, editing etc or hiring people that do, no matter what you think of it, it’s hardly “low iq”
also parents warning sons/daughters off of people very rarely works out.
if it doesn’t work out it’s got to be ds that finds that out, not his dad nagging about it

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 17/12/2025 07:18

Wolmando · 17/12/2025 07:15

I would be more worried that she wanted to include the wider family in her influencing. You might find yourself featuring in it

Yes as a travel influencer just wants to do a section on her new boyfriends parents lol.

Screamingabdabz · 17/12/2025 07:18

My take on this is that you seem a very shallow and small minded pair if you are judging this woman on her job not her character. We are all just selling our labour in a system. She’s doing well and your son likes her. What makes you superior?

AnteatersAreCute · 17/12/2025 07:19

It can be a reasonable career option. I agree with you that your DH should not say anything.

I know an influencer and aside from her own page, she has a sideline advising others on their social media strategy. She uses professional grade camera equipment. She is essentially a marketing expert. She has also written a book and volunteers at a charity once a week. She makes a very good income from it, and does what she loves! I think she’s very smart actually. I cannot understand your DH’s attitude. Yes there are a lot of wannabes but there are also quite a few making a good living.

Original poster
Thatsnotmyjobtoday · 17/12/2025 07:19

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 17/12/2025 07:14

I think you don’t understand it, they don’t give up their right to privacy, and I’ve no idea why cancel culture would impact here, it adds the feeling here that neither of you understand what this woman does, and have rushed in to judge,

you’d be better to take the time to ask her questions, as you’re just embarrassing yourselves, I’m even embarassed for you,

Show quote history

No that’s fair, I don’t understand it. I have watched some of her YouTube videos and enjoyed them, I can see why people enjoy them (she’s very charismatic and as it’s travel/experience focused there is an element of living vicariously through the videos). DH hasn’t watched them, but he is very stuck in his ways.

OP posts:
theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 17/12/2025 07:19

Thatsnotmyjobtoday · 17/12/2025 07:06

Gosh various reasons, the need to give up the right to privacy to some extent, the precarious nature, heavily oversaturated market, cancel culture just to name a few.
It’s not something I’d encourage my children to do, that doesn’t mean it’s bad though.

Show quote history

Any small business is precarious

Assuming she's roughly your son's age she'll pivot into a travel career with a few different strands of which this is one

She's not giving up her privacy, she's making travel content.

Saturated market - it's ever shifting, but as she's punched through, she'd be mad not to exploit it as she can potentially get herself a helpful financial start in life. She can pivot onwards.

MogsChristmasBoiledEgg · 17/12/2025 07:19

You sound very sensible.

Mysonwontwash · 17/12/2025 07:20

I think it sounds really interesting and good for her.
If she’s smart with money she can always use what she makes to start her own business or invest.

Bobiverse · 17/12/2025 07:21

Is your husband living under a rock? Half the careers you and him would have considered going into, no longer exist. More and more are becoming obsolete. People need to see the changing world and find jobs and careers that fit into it. Whatever you think of online content makers, it is a legitimate career now and thank god, because so many jobs have been lost.

He needs to realise the world is changing. And also needs to realise that he isn’t in charge anymore as your son is an adult. Low IQ? How insulting when he seems a bit thick when it comes to available jobs and the changing structure of things now.

NormasArse · 17/12/2025 07:22

PermanentTemporary · 17/12/2025 07:01

I can imagine having difficulty with some careers of a child’s partner - professional torturer, executioner, assassin etc. I don’t know what I would do if ds brought one of these home.

The ‘low IQ’ bit is interesting. I think he is underestimating the skill required, but even if it’s true, so what? If he brought home someone who seemed dim, whatever their job, would that require some sort of input from him, and why?

I loathe the idea of being an influencer or marrying one and think it’s a vapid, meretricious way of earning a living, but that’s true of a lot of jobs. He really needs to stop thinking this has anything to do with him.

It’s just a new way of promoting travel options- why is that vapid?

Judith Chalmers for the 21st century.

AprilinPortugal · 17/12/2025 07:23

If she can make a good living out of influencing then why not. She has a degree behind her if needed in the future. Her travels sound amazing, she's young, and life's too short, you need to grab every opportunity you can, I realise that now I'm old! Is your husband in a really boring job? He may be a teensy bit jealous! 🤣