DS dating a “influencer”, to think we just need to bite our tongues

[Thatsnotmyjobtoday]

DS is 26, normal job, normal life, very happy. He is currently in the early stages of a new relationship and his girlfriends job is social media, YouTube mostly but also TikTok etc. she seems to earn well from it and does mostly travel/experience content.
Personally I don’t really rate social media creators as a career but I understand some do very well from it, she seems like an intelligent girl, has a degree etc.
DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl. I think that would be futile, in my experience expressing discontent with an adult DCs decisions tends to only lead to them going further in on it.
I do have concerns they he might get tempted into the social media world or that her travel heavy lifestyle will make maintaining the relationship difficult, but I also think that is not our problem and DS will just have to navigate it if it comes up.
DH on the other hand is under the opinion that him being an adult doesn’t mean we aren’t his parents and a word of caution/advice is our duty in this situation.

Im worried DH is going to say something over Christmas (they aren’t spending it together but DS is coming home) and it’s going to result in an argument. Right now I’d say DS is in the smitten and doting phase so even if we did offer our opinions (which I don’t think we should) I doubt he’d listen as obviously she’s the best thing since sliced bread right now. I also worry we might not actually be qualified to comment as we aren’t part of the social media generation so have limited understanding on how it actually works.

AIBU to say we just need to bite our tongues, not rock the boat and see where it goes?

My Grandfather had this Christmas conversation with my DM 44 years ago, as he disapproved of my DF blue collar job (which to him meant "low IQ").

Believe me when I say it did not go down well, and drove a wedge into the relationship that has lasted all these years.

I would just take her as the character you meet. Although the job description "influencer" makes me gag, not all "influencers" are the same. Depends on their content and personality.

Although it’s not something that interests me (age related I think) you both need to keep quiet and go with it. You don’t want to risk pushing your son away.

If a person has low IQ, they generally can’t get through a 3 year undergraduate degree. I’m sure someone will be along to tell me oh they could get a ‘Mickey Mouse degree’ in a post 92 institution but bullshit, I’m a lecturer and I know how often I have failed students for entire modules because their work doesn’t even scrape the 40% pass. I’m in a Russell but humanities and people always love to claim anyone can do a humanities degree. It isn’t true, some people really cannot write an essay- even with the help now of AI.

Sorry, just trying to defend this poor woman who almost certainly has at least average IQ. Your DH sounds like a silly old man. Content creators can and do earn hundreds of thousands a year, far more than your DH likely ever will.

Yep he’s just out of date on this one.

Influencer is a shit name to be fair 🤣

I think content creator is more accurate and slightly less likely to offend the pharma bros.

I think it's one of those jobs that is harder to do than it sounds!DS should be left to make his own choices.your DH is being old fashioned ad judgmental .if sh has a degree she can't have a low IQ!

Its a useless degree to him but he is studying business and a language. I still believe he may find it extremely useful one day. He will pay off his student loan over a number of years. He is paid a lot as he is often headhunted by companies. He also works for a well known football club too so all in all ends up earning a lot of money.

We do pay for his food and don't ask anything from him. We are in a good position financially and know he will have a huge student loan to pay off one day.

He is 26 and you do not seem to see that?
if safety concerns…I would be with you but whom he dates and choose to do with his life are really his choices…

I do hope for everyone that you stop thinking you can control (your hubby) and being afraid (you) of his choices.

I say this kindly, but your DH really needs to keep HIS strong opinions to himself. He will only cause damage.

Would “D” H be the same if your DS was dating an Actor? I mean, only the top ones of those go on to be earning £££’s over a long period sustainably, and most who do, have struggled massively to get where they are.

For your DS’s GF to be successful at being an influencer at her age is an achievement in itself: every successful influencer has at least a few hundred counterparts that never make it.

And look at the success of George Clarke on Strictly in the final this year: just because people over the age of 60 (i.e. me) had never heard of him before, doesn’t mean he isn’t successful…

You don’t have to have a traditional job or career to be successful these days - tell your H that, and get him to keep his mouth closed if he can’t be bothered to find out more and be nice about his DS’s GF career!

He's a title for the follow up 'Judging Judith'.
As in Judith Chalmers, what a gig if youre old enough to remember.

Look how the world has changed in the last 50 years. So you think she should have a 'normal' job. So long as she earns, pays her taxes and enjoys what she does, why the judgement? Your DH sounds like an arrogant idiot. How dare he say she is of low intelligence. In 50 years time there will be another new trend that people will give out about. Also, your son is 26 not 16. Mind your own business. Maybe if you get to know her, you hopefully will be pleasantly surprised. YABVVU.

This 👏

Could argue her IQ is higher than your husbands given she works on her own terms.

Stay out of it, if she is nice to your son you should be grateful. This is exactly why people fall out with parents

I was a cleaner for a while in the early years of my relationship with DH.

Travelling widely & managing to organise work, logistics & filming us hardly vacuous.

The way jobs are going she might have the last laugh on this one anyway. If she has a sizeable following it’s direct access to sales or even making something to sell.

She’s s/e and could have more security than many.

If she was on OnlyFans, I might see your DH’s point of view but she’s essentially a travel presenter, just using another format. We’ve also just seen AngryGinge win I’m A Celeb, GK Barry’s on Loose Women and influencers are hosting red carpets at the Oscars, BAFTAs, etc, so this type of career can lead to amazing things.

The only concern might be if she posts anything personal about their relationship because ‘fans’ tend to have parasocial relationships with influencers. I’ve seen examples where followers have dug up personal info and accused partners of awful things because they think the relationship is fake or preferred the influencer to be single.

Stuff like that could affect your son negatively so he’d just need to be aware of that but at 26, it’s for him to figure out. Just let him know you’re there for him if he wants to talk about anything and maybe show your DH her content so he’s reassured it’s all above board!

Fair enough although it makes no sense to me that you'd still give him money if he's earning an "absolute fortune", even more so that he'd take out (presumably unnecessary) student loans and accrue £100s and £1,000s in interest charges. What is he spending his absolute fortune on if his tuition and living costs are covered by loans/ mum and dad?

Yeah but the money is not really in the content creation though. Few people would make a living on views alone. The real money is in brand deals, which they only secure because they have the ability to influence people's decisions.

I think both you and DH need to keep quiet but I fully agree that this is not a great career. I see influencers as the new precariat - they heavily depend on few large corporations to give them visibility which might be removed from them at any point without recourse. It’s like having an employer without any employment rights or protections, so it’s definitely not like being an actor.

Second, I absolutely don’t think it’s a harmless job. Creating fake needs and fake glamorous lifestyles contribute massively to environmental degradation. If these levels of overconsumption continue it’s quite obvious we’re not going to make it as a species.

DH and I sat and watched some of the videos last night and they were genuinely quite good!
Also noticed the “video sponsor” was often a service like Revolut or NordVPN, ESIM brands, AirBnB etc. or a gifted trip like virgin voyages etc. there didn’t seem to be much selling of actual items etc.

So how do you both now feel about her work/job/profession/career? And what will you both say/not say to your son ?

No, but the skill is in the content creation.

Well no, she’s not selling shite on QVC 😁

What does the esteemed husband think now then?