Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

[OneGreenPoster]

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

It’s non of your business she’s ready to settle down he isn’t. I can’t say I blame her really time is ticking by and their not getting any younger.

😂

What a charmer - he’ll buy a ring because she dumped him? But not of his own doing?

Single for a few years is better than being stuck with someone who doesn’t want to commit!

Yeah another team girlfriend here, he shut her down with a vague “when I feel it’s right” - she stuck around a few months longer and he’s still shown no sign of actually committing to a future with her after three years. I don’t see why she needed to pretend through another Christmas of going nowhere. I think it’s quite insulting you don’t think she could possibly find someone who might be decent, transparent, communicative, and WANT to plan a future with her. She’s not asking for the earth.

Oh fuck you were serious?!!
Of course you don't 'talk some sense into her', unless you want to give her and her evil Single Friend a good laugh. Tell her no doesn't mean no and just because she doesn't want to be in the relationship doesn't mean she has agency over her own life. She should put her own wants and needs aside for your Good Man (apart from the whole not wanting to discuss their shared future and belittling her desire to plan ahead) son and what he wants.
Please let us know how it goes.

No she knows what she wants. A man who wants her because he wants her not a man that wants her because she leaving.

she will find a man don’t you worry.

Damn I clicked YANBU when of course YABU!!!

You say it’s risky starting again at 27 - that doesn’t mean she should settle for anyone.
she’s realised they are incompatible and it’s up to her what she does.

Don’t do that 😬 They need to navigate the world in their own way. Be there for your son. Encourage him to take care of himself and let her carry on with her life. It’s horrible when our kids hurt, but a parent you really need to stay in the background and just be there for your son. On the flip side, if things weren’t right (I’m thinking they weren’t but your son has been blindsided) at least she’s called it before things got too far and it was harder for either of them to back out

She knows what she wants...a man who actually wants to marry her, not one that only says he's interested when she dumps him and he's faced with moving back home to mummy at Christmas!!

Team Girlfriend (possibly ex)

She wants someone who is really committed, not someone who is only doing it because he has been forced. He was clear; he doesn’t want to marry her yet and didn’t want to discuss it. She then made a choice for herself, because that doesn’t work for her. And now suddenly he wants to get married? No, he doesn’t. And he’ll just mess her around even more. She wants true commitment and a future. He isn’t offering that. He’s offering “fine then” because he has been forced. She doesn’t want that.

Are you so obsessed with your son that you can’t see his faults here?

Well it sounds like the ex girlfriend was trying to initiate a discussion about marriage and isn't willing to wait around to be asked. Well done to her I say.

Also OP, the very fact that she asked him if he wanted to marry her suggests this isn't a conversation he's been approaching and perhaps she's a bit sick of all his vagueness and lack of... I don't know, plans? Ambition? Drive to do something in his own life?

Your son kind of sounds like someone who just isn't putting much effort in. You want to "remind her there aren't many good men out there"?! Sounds like, as far as she is concerned at least, there wasn't a very good man in her house either.

You know absolutely nothing about the realities of their relationship. Mind your own business.

G’wan contact her and “talk some sense into her” and cone back and let us know how that goes.

alternatively wise up and leave her alone. Well done her for having a boundary. And sticking to it.

With all due respect, it can be quite hard if you wanf to take the next step snd he has all the power and wont even give her a timeline.

Well, he doesn't love her enough to commit. She knows that much.
There are plenty of nice men out there. Frankly, you are not the best person to judge how good a man your son is. And, I suspect, you are not actively looking for 30-year-old men to date so you have no idea what is "out there".
Also, why is Christmas relevant in this at all? Breakups are devastating no matter time of year.

Instead of haranguing a perfectly sensible young woman, maybe have a conversation with your son about his level of commitment and that "some day, when I am ready" is not a good enough answer for a woman who knows what she wants.

So when it bothered her he wasn't going to talk about timelines because it was silly, now it's bothering him he is going to rush out and buy a ring so he doesn't have to flathunt.

Absolutely hilarious, and I love that she knows that she is worth more than some man who pisses her about and negates her feelings.

Good for her. Your boy sounds like a loser.

I have a sneaky feeling my son is in the same position. It's so tempting to butt in and tell them what to do but I'll try and let them live their own lives. Just hope he won't be heart broken if she does bail out, although they do have plans for the future so hopefully I'm just worrying without any real cause.

FFS. Mothers and their sons 🙄

She doesn't want a shut up ring. No one wants a shut up ring.

Good for her. She set her expectations, your idiot son threw them back in her face so she did the right thing and pulled the plaster off. The alternative was waiting until after Christmas, wherein I'm sure you'd brand her a gold digging harlot for getting all her presents and then dipping.

Besides, no woman wants to marry a man whose mother is so far up his arse she can lick his teeth clean.

She definitely does know what she wants. And what she doesn’t want. Some people go after what they want and others stagnate.

Sounds to me like she know exactly what she wants. A man that loves her and is proactive and enthusiastic about making a life with her.

Not some immature 30 yo who is happy to while away her fertility and chance for a family while living in her bloody house.

And I tell you OP if you called my DD to berate her in these circumstances you and I would be having a seriously unpleasant conversation in fairly short order.

Good for her.

I hope the girlfriend learns from this. She should have dumped him when he callously dismissed her feelings and selfishly decided he’d do it when he felt like it, if he felt like it. She should have told him to fuck off then and there, and kicked him out.
you might want to talk to him op about equality, he hasn’t seemed to have grasped that women have equal say now in relationships.
too late to get a ring now, she wants and deserves a man who wants to marry her, not one who only does it or he hasn’t got anywhere to live.