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Original poster

Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

1000 replies

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:23

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

OP posts:
ohgoodiee · 15/12/2025 19:29

To be honest I think if you do speak to her, it will only solidify how she is feeling.

Nobody wants an interfering MIL.. it may be the final nail in the coffin for her.

ilovesooty · 15/12/2025 19:29

TheTowerAtMidnight · 15/12/2025 19:28

Good for her, she'll have a great Christmas free of her dead weight BF who refuses to marry her. Gaun yersel hen!

And she'll have her own apartment back as well.

spookaroo · 15/12/2025 19:29

YABU and good for his ex.

Of course you shouldn’t contact her, that will just solidify her reason to split up with him. How unattractive and inappropriate, boyfriend’s mummy telling you off.

Theunamedcat · 15/12/2025 19:30

Christmas is usually the time people get engaged she clearly is over it i wouod leave well alone

Deadringer · 15/12/2025 19:31

She is taking control of her own life. She wants to get married, presumably fairly soon, and he doesn't. They want different things, so she has ended it. Of course you are upset for your son, but it's not for you to get involved.

TeenLifeMum · 15/12/2025 19:31

I’d assume she doesn’t want to waste more time with a commitment avoider. She wants marriage and possibly kids and your ds is not on the same page. If he’s not decided she’s who he wants to marry after 3 years I’d have binned him too.

5128gap · 15/12/2025 19:31

Tbf, your DS didn't really give her much, did he? Basically, I may or may not marry you and I'll think about that when I'm good and ready without giving you any idea of when that might be. It would have been fairer at least to say, I'm not ready to think about this for at least 6 months/2 years/whatever, but we can discuss again then.
If he wants her back he could maybe try the second approach. However, if he can't imagine a point he'd ever want to marry her, maybe she isn't the right person and he should accept its for the best.
Its not cruel to break up with someone if you feel the relationship isn't going in the direction you want it to.

dottiedodah · 15/12/2025 19:31

I think young women now dont want to wait around and see if their BF is going to propose or not .Past 30 time is ticking for a home and family .They dont want to mess around .3 years is a long time to See what may happen and if he is dragging his feet it looks like hes not sure,Sorry I dont think talking to her will help!

Coalday · 15/12/2025 19:31

Absolutely not.
She asked him were they on the same page and they clearly were not.
She is choosing not to be dictated to, by his vague timeline.
How old are they?
3 years is a decent amount of time.

Don't go near her, you will make a holy show of yourself.
They may get back together and you will be "that MIL".

Be kind and respectful of her to him.
She asked, he couldn't give her what she needs, she is moving on.
Perfectly reasonable of her.

As a mother of sons, you would do well to be very careful to be very measured and respectful of her right to decide to finish with him, if she isn't happy with his level of commitment to her.
Such is life.

PashaMinaMio · 15/12/2025 19:32

Oh dear this is so sad but really it’s all part of growing up. Being hurt like this is all part of facing up to life’s challenges. I’m so sorry this has happened and not the best time of year either.

(Could she be trying to manipulate him into talking her back with a Christmas engagement?)

We’ve all been through it and I can empathise with your “ Tiger mum” instinct but I’d counsel you to stay out of it. By all means support him with a listening ear, lots of hugs and distractions and help him find new accommodation but it’s not your place to get emotionally involved with his ex, trying to talk her round. It’s not your circus.

Original poster
OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:32

He's 30 she is 27 of course I won't emotionally blackmail her. We got on really well and I just wanted to tell her how much he loves her and remind her that there isn't many good men out there

She is a lovely woman I'm just shocked how she went about ot, just before Christmas too

OP posts:
sodabreadjam · 15/12/2025 19:32

It is absolutely none of your business. The only person talking to her should be your son. Are you frightened you are going to be landed with him longterm?

I think she is perfectly reasonable to ask for a timeline about when they might get engaged and then married - and perfectly within her rights to dump him when he didn't want to discuss it. Women shouldn't be left dangling and waiting for a proposal.

I am wondering if this is a reverse - a young woman who has been "talked some sense" by her Ex's mum.

ilovesooty · 15/12/2025 19:32

I'd love to know why 2% think you're not BU.

Egglio · 15/12/2025 19:33

This bit stood out from the OP 'as far as he was concerned they were very happy together' well clearly as far as she was concerned they weren't and he doesn't get to decide for the both of them.

No you should not 'talk some sense into her', it sounds as though she has plenty.

Yes it's sad for your DS and not ideal at Christmas but she was upfront and honest.

Arran2024 · 15/12/2025 19:33
Single Ladies Beyonce GIF

Up to her and there is nothing you can do about it.

Remember Beyoncé's advice!

SmileyMoonset · 15/12/2025 19:33

Women don’t have unlimited time for men to decide “the time is right” for marriage and babies.

She wanted to ascertain his level of commitment, he wasn’t willing to engage.

Obviously you feel for your son, but surely you can see her point?

Naunet · 15/12/2025 19:34

She's perfectly entitled to dump him for any reason she wants, but wanting to get married, and I'd guess that's largely because she wants kids, is a pretty good reason.

Time to get your own life OP.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/12/2025 19:34

Reverse.

it’s as clear as day.

so assuming you are actually the now ex girl friend op, - good for you, you swerved the batshit MIL and future faker boyfriend.

but don’t do reverses, it’s irritating

XenoBitch · 15/12/2025 19:35

It is nearly 2026, she could have proposed to him.

Scottishskifun · 15/12/2025 19:35

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:32

He's 30 she is 27 of course I won't emotionally blackmail her. We got on really well and I just wanted to tell her how much he loves her and remind her that there isn't many good men out there

She is a lovely woman I'm just shocked how she went about ot, just before Christmas too

I think 3 years in given their ages it's entirely reasonable to not wait around or be kept on the hook waiting if she wants to be married and have a family.

She's clearly been thinking about it for a while but if she's prepared to split up the relationship without discussing it then it's better now then expensive wedding and divorce down the line.

Thundertoast · 15/12/2025 19:35

So she wants to get married.
She's with someone she wants to marry.
She asks him if he'd like to marry her.
He wants to marry her.
She asks for roughly when he might want to do that as she wants to know if its 2, 5, 10 years away, because you know, thats information of interest to her.
He basically says 'when im ready' as if its not something that they both need to mutually decide on.
He knows she is upset about it, but doesn't do anything about the fact the person he loves is upset? Just leaves it? Doesnt have a think about if he can give her more of a timeline, or if not say 'im not ready, and im also not ready enough that I feel like I can give you a timeline, and I understand that getting married is important to you and you cant sit around waiting for something that may never come?'
Need more info here...

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/12/2025 19:35

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:32

He's 30 she is 27 of course I won't emotionally blackmail her. We got on really well and I just wanted to tell her how much he loves her and remind her that there isn't many good men out there

She is a lovely woman I'm just shocked how she went about ot, just before Christmas too

I expect she wanted to start having babies, and wants marriage before that.

Although if, as you say, he lives at her place, it doesn't sound like he's much of a financial catch.

Superhansrantowindsor · 15/12/2025 19:35

They are not on the same page. Marriage is important to her clearly but not as important to your son. They have an apartment together, are adults - if he was going to propose he would have done it by now. She has every right to end it and if she was my dd I’d have encouraged her. Gives her enough time to find someone who does want marriage and I presume children.

CamillaMcCauley · 15/12/2025 19:35

remind her that there isn’t many good men out there

of course I won’t emotionally blackmail her

🤣

BuckChuckets · 15/12/2025 19:35

Maybe she wanted to avoid the MIL from hell?

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