Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

[OneGreenPoster]

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

She’s 27 been together 3 years and he couldn’t give a rough time he would be ready to marry and possible babies? Of course she left him.

Times ticking for her she doesn’t have all the time in the world like men seem to if she wants children.

leave her alone.

Don't be a fucking idiot, you can't call her and talk sense into her. In what planet is that a normal and appropriate thing to think of doing?!

Your son needs to learn from this. His ex partner wanted some agency in the timeline of her life, and he laughed at her. Won't make that mistake again I expect.

He has a choice. If he really is serious he can go and buy a ring.

If he’s good enough for you, he’s good enough for her!

Put her right on that matter throw in some home truths and don’t take any nonsense back from the brazen flibbertigibbet.

Good for her! She’s in some of her prime years and not willing to waste them any longer on a 30 yr old who didn’t even respect her feelings to want to discuss a timeline.
so what if it’s before Christmas? Why should she be unhappy and suck it up for the ‘holidays’? Now she can start the new year with a clean slate.

There are plenty of good men out there.

I’m sure your DS is very nice but don’t make the mistake of thinking she won’t be able to find someone else, someone prepared to commit.

Unless they are 15 or something she has reasonably asked him for a rough timeline of their future plans and he’s basically called her silly and told her to wait around for whenever he decides to commit properly to her.

Engagement, marriage, babies should be a mutually agreed timeline in a couple’s future. Not one half of the couple waiting around indefinitely hoping the other might decide one day to make that decision for the both of them.

Maybe he should move back in with you and you can support him with learning about making equal decisions in relationships in future.

Oh stop it and don’t embarrass yourself for goodness sake. Cut the apron strings and stop interfering in the lives of adults. Your DS is a big boy now and needs to live his own life without his mother interfering. This woman has every right to make her own decisions without being guilt tripped by her ex boyfriend’s mother. It doesn’t matter it’s just before Christmas, what did you expect her to do pretend everything was ok so he could enjoy a turkey dinner?

I just read the op again and actually your son sounds like a bit of a prick. He wasn't going to 'do that silly timeline stuff, he was going to wait until the time is right'. Right for him he means, and she was upset at the time but he presumably didnt care or reconsider his stance, he just thought he could go on living with her without any regard for what she wants. She did right.

It's 2025 and women still wait to be asked. I despair..... Surely it's time to drop this whole one sided sexist shit show of men making a marriage proposal and the woman being grateful. Makes me cringe and wonder why our sisters threw themselves under horses and burnt their bras. Where is the equality?

You don’t know the ins and out of their relationship. You only have his side. Stay well out of it

Does he want to marry her? If so, he needs to beg her to reconsider and get down on one knee

More fool him. She told him what she wanted months ago. He didn't listen or take her seriously. This is the consequence. It was not out of the blue.

Age 30, he is old enough not to need his mummy to intervene for him.

Well your son was obviously not that into her if he wasnt "ready" - or indeed excited, chomping at the bit, proud etc - at fuckingTHIRTY YEARS OLD - to marry her.

Presumably the reason he didn't want the legal commitment/ "just a piece of paper" is so they could both keep their options open? As it is, he fucked about and he found out.

Right. So he basically called her silly, and now you want to talk some sense into her.

Not great.

Also she’s had a lucky escape from her future mil.

If you seriously think a 27 year old women would give a hell what her ex’s mum has to say about her dumping a man who won’t commit lol

Learn boundaries. His 30 years not 3 years needing mummy to fight his battles.

Your son isn’t one of the good ones. She made it clear; she wants marriage and commitment and probably to get on with kids and life. He wouldn’t give a timeline or discuss it. She’s given him 3 years and he won’t commit so she doesn’t want to waste anymore time on him.
He had his chance. He wouldn’t even discuss it.

If you want to help them reconcile, it sounds like you should take him out shopping and make sure he buys a ring

You’re right there aren’t many good men out there. Which is why she feels she’s got limited time to find one that does want to marry her and she’s got to move on with her life.

If she has asked him if he wants to get married and he has said yes, then surely they were engaged? If he was saying that he wants to get married to her means but they are not engaged, then he is clearly messing her around and she was right to finish with him.

She is probably also thinking “if I get out now I could still meet someone else and get married by the time I’m 30ish, still in time to have babies early to mid thirties ”. And she is probably right.

I think being lectured by an overbearing future MIL would be the final nail in the coffin of any feelings she might still have for him. She has done nothing wrong! She raised the question of commitment to him, made it clear that a vague non-plan wasn’t enough for her after three years, and he shut her down. I wouldn’t have been happy with “I’ll do it when I feel like it” either. Too many women throw away their best years on commitment-phones, future fakers and lazy men who think as long as they’re comfortable, everything is fine.

Support your son to reflect on what has happened, manage his own emotions and move on.

Remind her that there aren't many good men out there

like those who show a genuine commitment to their girlfriends and propose marriage?

It might be too late. If she was my daughter I’d advise her not to take a ring from a man that had to be forced into it.

“Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?“

Do it, OP. What could possibly go wrong?

Yes it’s the oh shit I’ve lost her ring. No thank you.

I want a I love you ring. Not a grasping for a last chance because I messed it up ring.