Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

[OneGreenPoster]

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

God the update gets worse, nothing says romance like “oh ok I’ll marry you now you’ve dumped me and I have to maybe move back in with my mum who by the way doesn’t think you’ve got time to do better than me with my metaphorical gun to head proposal” … of course she doesn’t want a ring off him now.

Also the ring now he will be homeless screams hobo sexual.

He had his chance and he blew it.
Good on her. She knows what she wants and your son wasn’t prepared to give it to her so she made a sensible decision. No point carrying on if they aren’t on the same page.

Why is having a timeline "silly business"...?

I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to get engaged to him either after that.

She does know what she wants, she wants a man who wants to marry her as much as she wants him, not a man who will only propose if he thinks he might lose her. She is a legend, I only wish more women were like her, what a fool to let her go.

Your son blew it, OP. It's up to him how hard he tries to get her back.

Unfortunately, people are entitled to end relationships for any reason they want to. It must be devastating for your son but he ignored her telling him what she needed to stay in the relationship.

WTF planet are you on? Starting again at 27 is risky?? She might have wanted to marry your son, doesn’t mean she just wants to get married and start popping out kids!

I think you need to leave this alone. She clearly wasn't happy with his answer, she likely feels like he isn't committed enough, and rightly so, she doesn't want to waste her prime years on someone who won't/can't commit.

Starting again at 27 is perfectly fine.

That may be so but she’s decided your son is not the one. Leave her be. I still can’t believe you said you’d ’talk some sense’ into a 27 year old, treating her like a misbehaving toddler.

You want to what? 😮Remind her that there aren't that many good men so she should put up and shut up?
😮

She knows exactly what she wants - she wants a man who values her and wants to marry her, without being a cocklodger being blackmailed into it

I wouldn't marry someone who was only proposing because I'd dumped him! JHC

Sounds like more to it than just wanting to be engaged.

Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

Oh pur-lease. It's not the 1950s any more. And what's the alternative - stay with somebody she doesn't want to be with? It seems you infantilise your son to a degree, what with thinking about getting involved at all and fretting about this happening 'just before Christmas' (so what, he's not 7). Apologies for descending to the vernacular but it's a classic case of fuck about, find out. Time for him to put his big boy pants on I'm afraid.

None of your business, quite frankly. Also, you can be sad for your son and supportive of him, but people can end relationships for whatever reason they want. She might have decided that the way he coughs annoys her, and therefore ended the relationship. And that's her perogative!

I’m only slightly older than her, single, and would expect to be engaged by around the two year mark as some sort of reassurance that I wasn’t wasting the last part of my “young-ish” years on a man who was never going to give me what I want. Would rather start again at 30 than waste 10 years and start again anyway at 40.

"A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right."

I'd have dumped him on the spot, not waited a few months to do so.

@OneGreenPoster, your son is a prat. He's 30 and been with her for three years - plenty of time to know if you want to commit to that person or not. He didn't want to commit, and made it perfectly clear with his "silly" and "he would do it when the time was right" comments.

His ex has decided not to waste her fertile years on a man who won't commit. Good for her!

its very sad but I admire her courage. She could waste years on a man whom she loves but won't commit. Imagine how lovely his Christmas would be if he'd bought her a ring and proposed. He didn't want her really or he'd not have taken her for granted.

Oops. I voted YANBU, but obviously that was totally wrong and YABVVU!
It's not your business, OP. I get it, even when your kids are grown up you want to make everything right for them. But this is one of those occasions where you can't and shouldn't get involved. Just be there for him if he needs you. Hard as that may be!

So he's happy to live in her apartment, but doesnt want to commit. But then backtracks when she decides its over and he has to leave?

Im not surprised shes told him its not what she wants anymore.

I don’t blame her! Too little, too late. A pity proposal as a last resort because she dumped him, what a catch!

Well done to this young woman. After 3 years and at their ages, they have enough data to know if it’s a relationship that is going to last a lifetime or not. If he is hesitant to get married, it is time to move on.

If she had been the one, he wouldn’t have been reluctant.

And she's off to a Christmas party so who knows who she might meet

I am usually very sympathetic, but your son OP has really messed his girlfriend around and been very patronising. Why should she wait until he is "ready" especially after THREE years!!