Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

[OneGreenPoster]

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

Another team girlfriend here. At 27, she doesn’t have all the time in the world to find someone else, marry the and then have kids - particularly if she wants more than one, so she should go and find someone who loves her enough to commit. Good on her for not being strung along and wasting her fertile years.

He’s 30?!

No proposal after 3 years or even a firm yes it’s happening? Good for her!

She doesn’t need to waste her life on someone who won’t commit.

It doesn’t matter that it’s almost Christmas 🤷 you don’t have to make breakups wait until January!

Yes, you should do that. Then, if she had the tiniest doubt that she made the wrong decision, she'll quickly realise that she hasn't.

Three years and he couldn’t even show her the courtesy of engaging in a conversation [pun intended] about their future? Good for her. No point in wasting any more time.

Good for her! 3 years is more than long enough to have a sensible discussion about whether marriage is likely to happen soon. Sounds like she gave your son time to revise his answer during the last few months but clearly he’s put no thought into it or even tried to refine the timeline with her a bit to months / years. He only has himself
to blame.

Also totally disagree that dumping before Christmas is cruel. It is pointless pretending to be happy with someone once you know there is no future. She is young hopefully she’ll meet one or more potential “good men” over the festive season!

🍿

Maybe, or maybe like lots of relationships that age, they get to a ‘crunch time’ where they either break it off or get serious and propose. Quite often one followed by the other…

She's 27. If she wants kids she's rightly thinking about the next ten or so years. She asked him to shit or get off the pot and he didn't. Well done that woman.

She’s 27. She’s got 3 years until her fertility starts to decline. Takes a dip at 30 then rapidly after 35.
Your son was a massive prat saying he won’t even talk about when to commit. Certainly not one of the good ones. No care of her feelings at all. She’s quite right for not wasting any more time on him. If you need to talk sense into someone, should be yourself because clearly you see your son through rose tinted glasses.

She didn’t wait to be asked - she raised the discussion and he shut her down. So quite rightly she isn’t wasting any more of her time with him.

"he would do it when the time was right".

That in itself would make me dump him. How very dare he!

I respect her, she knows what she wants and isn’t waiting around wasting time.
No you should absolutely not talk to her !!

She broke up with him because he isnt committing. What do you think she should do differently: give him some sad Hail Mary shags "because it's Christmas"?

If you believe you can talk someone round here surely it's your son?

Even if it were true that she’d struggle to find someone she’s compatible with, and I doubt very much that it is tbh, so what? She’s hardly obliged to resign herself to a future with your son because you happen to be laboring under the delusion that being single is a worse fate.

So she basically asked him to commit and he said no. Did she actually ask him to marry her as in a proposal?

He spoke to her yesterday and told her he'd go out tomorrow and buy a ring and they could start planning
She said no that isn't what she wants now!
So I don't think she knows what she wants
Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

27 is a fair age to get engaged. Might be a couple of years of engagement before marriage and then a year or 2 to enjoy being married before having children which would take her to 31/32? That would have been my ideal timeline.. if your son isn’t going to propose until hypothetically she’s 30 that pushes a similar timeline to 34 onwards. Maybe she doesn’t want to have children into her late thirties and beyond (not saying that that’s wrong for couples who have children later) but maybe she has a ideal time line and so doesn’t want to hang on to the what if..

Wishing them both the best for their futures..

More advice from the wonderful Beyoncé:

"Don't you ever get to thinking, you're irreplaceable ".

Look, my daughter is in a similar situation with her boyfriend and he knows that if nothing happens soon, she will leave him, because she wants kids in the next few years and he is currently making no compromises in her favour, not even a ring. They have discussed it and so far he isn't budging, so she may well follow through.

'He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.' She was upset at the time, but it was left at that."

She tried to discuss it and he shut her down. He even called a timeline "silly." I'm not sure why he or his mother are surprised. Good for her for knowing what she wants and not accepting a vague brush off.

It’s not cruel to leave him before Christmas. It would be cruel to expect her to share a bed with someone she no longer wanted to be with, in her own house!

Never a good time to be dumped.

Saves on a Christmas present I suppose 🤷

Be there for your son- don't speak to her. There weren't aligned so it didn't work. It happens. Pretty raw and gutting.

Yeah, he wants to marry her “at some point in the future but doesn’t want to get into talking about when that might be.”

Which is the same as “never.” And she’ll waste her fertile years on him. That’s just the reality @OneGreenPoster. She wants marriage and kids, he won’t commit and it’s been long enough to make that decision.

Sad Hail Mary shags 🤣🤣🤣 One for you and one for your mother, you're welcome.

Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

Lol, you're a card, OP.

This woman has dodged a rocket (Scots in the crowd will know what I mean).

Oh dear.
Good on her.