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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

1000 replies

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:28

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 16/12/2025 14:09

Why do you think the person not drinking is just going to spectate rather than be part of the evening?

i dint consider myself a non drinker but have been known to not have more than a sip of my alcoholic drink because I get so involved in whatever games or entertainment is going on.

i don’t need to drink to be loud and gregarious.

if the only entertainment is the actual drinking, i may feel differently

which is it?

heymamame · 16/12/2025 14:30

I think it’s really difficult because he’s family.
He sounds intolerable with his judgy stuck up attitude and his immature faces and remarks so he’s clearly not someone they would usually want in their lives but you can’t choose family but where do you draw the line?

If he’s not prepared to compromise enough to eat what they had planned to eat with them and not become visibly awkward if 2 adults decide to drink some alcohol when he’s 25 then perhaps he shouldn’t be invited or maybe host his own Christmas on his own terms but then respect that they should be able to make their own decisions on how to enjoy Christmas in their home too.

Moveoverdarlin · 16/12/2025 14:39

It’s bizarre that so much focus is on booze - you have primary aged kids and a step-son, even 25 year old adults who DO drink wouldn’t be seen dead fucking dancing round the living room with their step-mother. It’s just cringe. I drink but wouldn’t do that either with my family.

I’m imagining some poor lad sat in the corner traumatised by his parents divorce and some pissed up Kat Slater type dragging him up to do karaoke whilst screeching ‘Go on ‘ave a drink! Loosen yourself up love!’

Just awful. Poor lad. Leave him alone on his phone if you want, whilst you and his Dad get stuck in.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 14:39

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 13:30

"he will just be sitting there quietly looking at his phone looking mortified at us drinking."

I added the grunts if that's all he'll be doing all evening is playing on his phone they won't get much out of him. Nothing to make up ops own words. He will be there to eat, drink, piss and shit. I agree it's all normal bodily functions. Don't you burp and fart after a meal or are you a lady?

My bloke is a proud Jamaican man and his mum was a single mother. He was always helping her out and vice versa. He would even bring her a beer. This lad is entitled.

I don't burp after a meal. But you used that language to try and denigrate this young man.

My mum was a single mother too. I still don't agree with you

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 14:41

Moveoverdarlin · 16/12/2025 14:39

It’s bizarre that so much focus is on booze - you have primary aged kids and a step-son, even 25 year old adults who DO drink wouldn’t be seen dead fucking dancing round the living room with their step-mother. It’s just cringe. I drink but wouldn’t do that either with my family.

I’m imagining some poor lad sat in the corner traumatised by his parents divorce and some pissed up Kat Slater type dragging him up to do karaoke whilst screeching ‘Go on ‘ave a drink! Loosen yourself up love!’

Just awful. Poor lad. Leave him alone on his phone if you want, whilst you and his Dad get stuck in.

Well at least someone gets it. I wouldn't be wanting to play party games either - just because he doesn't doesn't mean he's entitled

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 14:43

ShieldMaiden8 · 16/12/2025 14:05

If you’re worried about someone judging you so much why did you invite them into your home in the first place 🤦🏻‍♀️

Apparently he invited himself and they are fuming because they won't be able to get shit faced while wearing party hats and doing the conga round the living room

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 14:46

Moveoverdarlin · 16/12/2025 14:39

It’s bizarre that so much focus is on booze - you have primary aged kids and a step-son, even 25 year old adults who DO drink wouldn’t be seen dead fucking dancing round the living room with their step-mother. It’s just cringe. I drink but wouldn’t do that either with my family.

I’m imagining some poor lad sat in the corner traumatised by his parents divorce and some pissed up Kat Slater type dragging him up to do karaoke whilst screeching ‘Go on ‘ave a drink! Loosen yourself up love!’

Just awful. Poor lad. Leave him alone on his phone if you want, whilst you and his Dad get stuck in.

😂 This is hilarious. I’ll never look at it the same way again, that image has totally derailed my perspective.

heymamame · 16/12/2025 14:46

My partner is 25 and certainly wouldn’t just invite himself to his dad’s house and sit there making uncomfortable faces and rude remarks at them if they were having a drink, in fact they will have a drink.
I would expect if he did he’d be told where to shove his opinions and not be invited again.
I suspect that’s why this man’s not got any invite this year and nor to his mums.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 14:55

heymamame · 16/12/2025 14:46

My partner is 25 and certainly wouldn’t just invite himself to his dad’s house and sit there making uncomfortable faces and rude remarks at them if they were having a drink, in fact they will have a drink.
I would expect if he did he’d be told where to shove his opinions and not be invited again.
I suspect that’s why this man’s not got any invite this year and nor to his mums.

Again. Filling in the blanks. You don't know that he wasn't invited to his mums

pizzaHeart · 16/12/2025 14:56

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 13:05

Nobody hates him but no we DID NOT invite him and DO NOT want him to come.
The reason is that we have made other plans between ourselves this year and he has disrupted that.

That is what this thread is all about, I said that all along so not sure why all the Sherlock Holmes are coming out thinking they’ve just worked that out.

How is him inviting himself to our house to be fed and tell me what drink to buy him, more entitled than us wanting to spend Christmas how we choose in our own home?

We’ve already had to change all the food plans because we originally planned on doing a party/finger food buffet that the kids wanted now we have to have a sit down roast because he wouldn’t eat that and now we can’t have a drink either and yes I am pissed off and I ranted on here to save saying it to his face, if he’d been invited I would have happily been more accommodating but we he wasn’t and we I resent our plans being scuppered.
There’s not much we can do about it now, he’s told us he’s coming so what will be will be.

@wakinginthenight even that disagree with you about drinking issue, I think that you shouldn’t have changed your plans about finger food, you should have stick to that and just mentioned it to your stepson.
I wonder if this change of plan tipped your judgment over the edge.

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2025 15:03

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 11:54

More excuses for shabby behaviour. He could bring a pie for Christmas. Sitting around playing on his phone looking disgruntled is not how normal people behave in someone else's home. He has his own place to do that in.

I don't know anyone who has ever brought a 'pie' to Christmas... are you American?

If your guest is so bored at your drunken antics that they have to escape by scrolling their phone the YOU are the shit host.

ItsAHare · 16/12/2025 15:06

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 12:20

You’re all throwing stones at someone you don’t even understand, making assumptions based on your own biases. When I use words like “imply” or “perhaps,” it’s to show that I’m not claiming something I’m not absolutely certain about, unlike you. You’ve made up your minds about this woman completely, and it’s honestly astounding. What’s even more baffling is that you’ve read your own replies and still think they’re acceptable.

You’re upset because I started throwing stones back. I didn’t single anyone out or call you a c*, I refered to Mumsnetters collectively that way, I used that language as I believed I was communicating on your level and maybe you would understand that language. Aren’t responses showcasing exactly why that description fits.

What made you think you were communicating on my level (or on anyone’s level) by calling everyone who disagrees with you cunts? Had anyone else resorted to this kind of aggressive language? Or was your belief that people like me would “understand that language” an emotional reaction based on an assumption you made?

We’ve interpreted the OPs posts differently, and I’ve not “made up my mind completely” any more than (and possibly not as firmly as) you have. My opinion, like yours, is based on what OP has said, and I’d be open to changing that opinion if new (reliable) information came to light. Unfortunately for OP, the drip-feed showed her to be an unreliable narrator, and many posters who disagree with you can’t take the additional justifications for her feelings about her stepson, or the reframing of the amount she intended to drink, at face value.

Personally, as I’ve already said, I find it intriguing that OPs stepson is fine with OP drinking and even happily drinks with her in some situations, but he isn’t okay with it in others. It seems quite significant that it’s when he decides to stay sober that he disapproves of OP drinking. Of course, this could be a sanctimonious 25 year old who changes his judgments based on his own behaviour. But it could also be a stepson who disapproves of his dad and stepmum “having a fair amount of drink”/drinking with the intention of getting “tipsy” around his primary-school aged half-siblings on Christmas Day, and he might be staying sober for them. Or it could be a combination, or we could both be way off the mark - it’s hard to tell what the hell is going on when OP changed her story so dramatically.

I’m not “upset” that you’re “throwing stones back” - just confused as to why you’re ’throwing stones’ at all. I’m also slightly baffled by your repeated use of “you all”, as if everyone who disagrees with you is a hive-mind.

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2025 15:10

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:21

Sit there quietly and making faces while playing on his phone. She's not allowed to say nothing. She should put up with it and shut up. He won't be playing with his siblings. He wants food and drink so he can shit, piss and burp.

Edited

well you ENTIRELY made that all up... literally nothing that you said except 'playing on phone' has even remotely been mentioned here.

We could all make complete lies up to try and gaslight the conversation but its utterly stupid given its written format and everyone can read and reference word for word what has ACTUALLY been said.

heymamame · 16/12/2025 15:13

I’m just wondering how many more times @Roobarbtwocan say filling in the blanks before the thread reaches 1000.

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2025 15:16

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:34

From what the op said he won't enjoy himself or their company. He will be playing on his phone looking at them and not joining in the games. Taking offence to little things being said to him and judging them.

Eat, shit, piss and burp is the best they will get from him.

OP is ASSUMING this too, you know since it hasn't actually happened yet.

Its her ENVISAGING what MIGHT happen on this day in the FUTURE. She is assuming this because she FEELS she will be judged because she cant relax around an non drinker while drunk, she has said that in her posts.

It has not happened yet and she has provided zero specific examples of anything like this happening before.

Apparently when he comes over normally when they are sober which is regularly they have no issue and get along fine. There is nothing to say he will not engage with his little siblings, there has been ZERO reference to him ignoring or not liking them.

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 15:19

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 14:39

I don't burp after a meal. But you used that language to try and denigrate this young man.

My mum was a single mother too. I still don't agree with you

Of course you don't agree I don't expect anything less. If the food is shit you're not going to burp.

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 15:21

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2025 15:16

OP is ASSUMING this too, you know since it hasn't actually happened yet.

Its her ENVISAGING what MIGHT happen on this day in the FUTURE. She is assuming this because she FEELS she will be judged because she cant relax around an non drinker while drunk, she has said that in her posts.

It has not happened yet and she has provided zero specific examples of anything like this happening before.

Apparently when he comes over normally when they are sober which is regularly they have no issue and get along fine. There is nothing to say he will not engage with his little siblings, there has been ZERO reference to him ignoring or not liking them.

They know him best and his mannerisms.

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 15:27

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2025 15:10

well you ENTIRELY made that all up... literally nothing that you said except 'playing on phone' has even remotely been mentioned here.

We could all make complete lies up to try and gaslight the conversation but its utterly stupid given its written format and everyone can read and reference word for word what has ACTUALLY been said.

The op said he invited himself and asked her to buy his drink. Come on can't he afford his own he's coming with nothing. It's not uncommon to have a piss taker in the family. The op hasn't come running to his defence informing us of his gifts for his siblings. Only of his attitude towards them when they do have a drink. They both want to enjoy their Christmas as well.

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2025 15:28

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 13:30

"he will just be sitting there quietly looking at his phone looking mortified at us drinking."

I added the grunts if that's all he'll be doing all evening is playing on his phone they won't get much out of him. Nothing to make up ops own words. He will be there to eat, drink, piss and shit. I agree it's all normal bodily functions. Don't you burp and fart after a meal or are you a lady?

My bloke is a proud Jamaican man and his mum was a single mother. He was always helping her out and vice versa. He would even bring her a beer. This lad is entitled.

Why do you keep mentioning 'your blokes' race... what does it have to do with anything?

Honestly is I had a shot for every time you have said 'proud Jamaican' I would be be the one that had 'a good amount to drink'.

Literally no one cares is you married a Jamaican, I mean I happy for you but its just not remotely relevant. Its utterly NOTHING to do with the thread at hand and a really odd thing to keep trying to crow-baring in to the conversation again and again.

It really speaks to how you can't understand appropriate social response and keep on topic to the at hand discussion.

Thatsalineallright · 16/12/2025 15:32

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 13:30

"he will just be sitting there quietly looking at his phone looking mortified at us drinking."

I added the grunts if that's all he'll be doing all evening is playing on his phone they won't get much out of him. Nothing to make up ops own words. He will be there to eat, drink, piss and shit. I agree it's all normal bodily functions. Don't you burp and fart after a meal or are you a lady?

My bloke is a proud Jamaican man and his mum was a single mother. He was always helping her out and vice versa. He would even bring her a beer. This lad is entitled.

I have no idea why you're repeatedly referencing your husband or the fact that he is Jamaican. Your posts are non-sensical.

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 15:34

ItsAHare · 16/12/2025 15:06

What made you think you were communicating on my level (or on anyone’s level) by calling everyone who disagrees with you cunts? Had anyone else resorted to this kind of aggressive language? Or was your belief that people like me would “understand that language” an emotional reaction based on an assumption you made?

We’ve interpreted the OPs posts differently, and I’ve not “made up my mind completely” any more than (and possibly not as firmly as) you have. My opinion, like yours, is based on what OP has said, and I’d be open to changing that opinion if new (reliable) information came to light. Unfortunately for OP, the drip-feed showed her to be an unreliable narrator, and many posters who disagree with you can’t take the additional justifications for her feelings about her stepson, or the reframing of the amount she intended to drink, at face value.

Personally, as I’ve already said, I find it intriguing that OPs stepson is fine with OP drinking and even happily drinks with her in some situations, but he isn’t okay with it in others. It seems quite significant that it’s when he decides to stay sober that he disapproves of OP drinking. Of course, this could be a sanctimonious 25 year old who changes his judgments based on his own behaviour. But it could also be a stepson who disapproves of his dad and stepmum “having a fair amount of drink”/drinking with the intention of getting “tipsy” around his primary-school aged half-siblings on Christmas Day, and he might be staying sober for them. Or it could be a combination, or we could both be way off the mark - it’s hard to tell what the hell is going on when OP changed her story so dramatically.

I’m not “upset” that you’re “throwing stones back” - just confused as to why you’re ’throwing stones’ at all. I’m also slightly baffled by your repeated use of “you all”, as if everyone who disagrees with you is a hive-mind.

What made you think you were communicating on my level (or on anyone’s level) by calling everyone who disagrees with you cunts? Had anyone else resorted to this kind of aggressive language? Or was your belief that people like me would “understand that language” an emotional reaction based on an assumption you made?”

Have you read the replies? The language is unacceptable, and your argument (Sorry, 98% of responders) is based entirely on assumptions.

“We’ve interpreted the OPs posts differently, and I’ve not “made up my mind completely” any more than (and possibly not as firmly as) you have. My opinion, like yours, is based on what OP has said, and I’d be open to changing that opinion if new (reliable) information came to light. Unfortunately for OP, the drip-feed showed her to be an unreliable narrator, and many posters who disagree with you can’t take the additional justifications for her feelings about her stepson, or the reframing of the amount she intended to drink, at face value.”

The opinions of 98% of respondents have been expressed in a particularly aggressive and one‑sided way. The OP may have seemed a bit sketchy when adding extra details, but she’s been absolutely hounded. She came here to vent and ask whether her approach was unreasonable, yet what she’s received instead feels like a virtual stoning. People have called her cruel personal names and accused her of being an alcoholic and an unfit mother.

Personally, as I’ve already said, I find it intriguing that OPs stepson is fine with OP drinking and even happily drinks with her in some situations, but he isn’t okay with it in others. It seems quite significant that it’s when he decides to stay sober that he disapproves of OP drinking. Of course, this could be a sanctimonious 25 year old who changes his judgments based on his own behaviour. But it could also be a stepson who disapproves of his dad and stepmum “having a fair amount of drink”/drinking with the intention of getting “tipsy” around his primary-school aged half-siblings on Christmas Day, and he might be staying sober for them. Or it could be a combination, or we could both be way off the mark - it’s hard to tell what the hell is going on when OP changed her story so dramatically.”

But that’s the point, isn’t it? We don’t have all information yet assumptions have been made and responses were based on that inaccurate judgment.

”I’m not “upset” that you’re “throwing stones back” just confused as to why you’re ’throwing stones’ at all. I’m also slightly baffled by your repeated use of “you all”, as if everyone who disagrees with you is a hive-mind.”

Glad to hear it, I’m pleased you’re not upset and losing sleep over this. Apologies, 98% of responders. I’m not here to argue with anyone who disagrees with me. All I’ve done is make an observation, explained why I called the collective Mumsnetters c*ts, and shared how I interpreted the original post. I’ve been pretty clear, yet there still seems to be confusion. If that’s the case, there’s probably no point in continuing this exchange is there, as we’re just going to keep going around in circles.

I really feel for the OP she didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and the responses have been completely unfair.

mugglewump · 16/12/2025 15:34

If it were someone needing to drive, was pregnant or had liver disease, would you feel this way? Everyone has a choice whether they wish to drink or not.

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 15:36

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2025 15:28

Why do you keep mentioning 'your blokes' race... what does it have to do with anything?

Honestly is I had a shot for every time you have said 'proud Jamaican' I would be be the one that had 'a good amount to drink'.

Literally no one cares is you married a Jamaican, I mean I happy for you but its just not remotely relevant. Its utterly NOTHING to do with the thread at hand and a really odd thing to keep trying to crow-baring in to the conversation again and again.

It really speaks to how you can't understand appropriate social response and keep on topic to the at hand discussion.

I've mentioned him twice it shouldn't bother you me bringing him up. He's a male who would feel shame if he couldn't afford to buy his own drink and others a drink for Christmas day. He has pride in himself and that shows in how he treats others.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 15:36

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 15:19

Of course you don't agree I don't expect anything less. If the food is shit you're not going to burp.

So if food is shit you don't burp? Says who? You? The font of all knowledge.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 15:38

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 15:34

What made you think you were communicating on my level (or on anyone’s level) by calling everyone who disagrees with you cunts? Had anyone else resorted to this kind of aggressive language? Or was your belief that people like me would “understand that language” an emotional reaction based on an assumption you made?”

Have you read the replies? The language is unacceptable, and your argument (Sorry, 98% of responders) is based entirely on assumptions.

“We’ve interpreted the OPs posts differently, and I’ve not “made up my mind completely” any more than (and possibly not as firmly as) you have. My opinion, like yours, is based on what OP has said, and I’d be open to changing that opinion if new (reliable) information came to light. Unfortunately for OP, the drip-feed showed her to be an unreliable narrator, and many posters who disagree with you can’t take the additional justifications for her feelings about her stepson, or the reframing of the amount she intended to drink, at face value.”

The opinions of 98% of respondents have been expressed in a particularly aggressive and one‑sided way. The OP may have seemed a bit sketchy when adding extra details, but she’s been absolutely hounded. She came here to vent and ask whether her approach was unreasonable, yet what she’s received instead feels like a virtual stoning. People have called her cruel personal names and accused her of being an alcoholic and an unfit mother.

Personally, as I’ve already said, I find it intriguing that OPs stepson is fine with OP drinking and even happily drinks with her in some situations, but he isn’t okay with it in others. It seems quite significant that it’s when he decides to stay sober that he disapproves of OP drinking. Of course, this could be a sanctimonious 25 year old who changes his judgments based on his own behaviour. But it could also be a stepson who disapproves of his dad and stepmum “having a fair amount of drink”/drinking with the intention of getting “tipsy” around his primary-school aged half-siblings on Christmas Day, and he might be staying sober for them. Or it could be a combination, or we could both be way off the mark - it’s hard to tell what the hell is going on when OP changed her story so dramatically.”

But that’s the point, isn’t it? We don’t have all information yet assumptions have been made and responses were based on that inaccurate judgment.

”I’m not “upset” that you’re “throwing stones back” just confused as to why you’re ’throwing stones’ at all. I’m also slightly baffled by your repeated use of “you all”, as if everyone who disagrees with you is a hive-mind.”

Glad to hear it, I’m pleased you’re not upset and losing sleep over this. Apologies, 98% of responders. I’m not here to argue with anyone who disagrees with me. All I’ve done is make an observation, explained why I called the collective Mumsnetters c*ts, and shared how I interpreted the original post. I’ve been pretty clear, yet there still seems to be confusion. If that’s the case, there’s probably no point in continuing this exchange is there, as we’re just going to keep going around in circles.

I really feel for the OP she didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and the responses have been completely unfair.

Edited

Lots of assumptions have been made about the stepson too.

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