Page 37 | Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

wakinginthenight · 2025-12-15T09:28:08+00:00

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves. We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking. He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion. I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching. I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 16/12/2025 12:00

Honestly, OP, this is your DH's son. It's really sad that he isn't welcome in your home at Christmas time. I feel sorry for him.

Obviously, he shouldn't be under any pressure to drink just because you and your DH are planning to get shitfaced. Tbh, it will be infinitely better for your younger dc to have at least one sober adult in the house in any case. Sitting around watching their parents get pissed doesn't sound much fun for them in any case.

Arran2024 · 16/12/2025 12:00

This is like something from the 70s. Loads of people don't drink for whatever reason. Just leave him alone and get plastered if that's what floats your boat.

HashtagShitShop · 16/12/2025 12:00

It doesn't bother me at all, I only really drink at Christmas and the person I live with doesn't drink that much if at all. Doesnt stop me. When in larger family groups, they just have tea or soft drinks whilst I and the others have alcohol.

It's not a problem at all

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:04

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 11:42

This is just completely absurd. You can't blame women for there being feckless men in the world just because of opinions on a website. How is finding a good man like finding a needle in a haystack? What an absurd view

There are plenty of decent men out there.

This lad wants a roast for dinner - flog him! He doesn't want to drink either - he's a terrible entitled selfish person!.

Meanwhile the OP has thrown her toys out of the pram because she and her husband can't have "a good amount to drink" in front of two primary age kids.

I wonder what their day is going to be like?

What if one of them had an accident? Who would be driving them to A and E? The selfish entitled stepson obviously

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We bring them up who else teaches them to be decent human beings. Our children are a product of us and how we behave. I'm shy and my kids are shy. My partner is a chatterbox and so is 2 of my children. They follow what we do and how we behave with them, other people and eachother. We are their teachers and role models.

"This lad wants a roast for dinner - flog him" did he buy the food and yet he wants to dictate. Are you serious? He eats what is given to him.

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:06

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 16/12/2025 12:00

Honestly, OP, this is your DH's son. It's really sad that he isn't welcome in your home at Christmas time. I feel sorry for him.

Obviously, he shouldn't be under any pressure to drink just because you and your DH are planning to get shitfaced. Tbh, it will be infinitely better for your younger dc to have at least one sober adult in the house in any case. Sitting around watching their parents get pissed doesn't sound much fun for them in any case.

He sits there judging them but when he drinks he's fine. They don't want to feel watched and judged on Christmas day.

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/12/2025 12:07

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:04

We bring them up who else teaches them to be decent human beings. Our children are a product of us and how we behave. I'm shy and my kids are shy. My partner is a chatterbox and so is 2 of my children. They follow what we do and how we behave with them, other people and eachother. We are their teachers and role models.

"This lad wants a roast for dinner - flog him" did he buy the food and yet he wants to dictate. Are you serious? He eats what is given to him.

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The roast dinner isn’t the point here: that was thrown in about ten pages in after the OP got her arse handed to her because she kicked off about the stepson not wanting to drink booze.

She could perfectly well have held the line on the roast dinner and said no sorry its buffet food without bitching at length about how much she and the boy’s dad hated having to spend time with him at Christmas.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 12:08

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:04

We bring them up who else teaches them to be decent human beings. Our children are a product of us and how we behave. I'm shy and my kids are shy. My partner is a chatterbox and so is 2 of my children. They follow what we do and how we behave with them, other people and eachother. We are their teachers and role models.

"This lad wants a roast for dinner - flog him" did he buy the food and yet he wants to dictate. Are you serious? He eats what is given to him.

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Right - so the stepson is a product of how his mum and dad brought him up presumably before they split. So if he's entitled and selfish -where did he get it from? Them?

There are children from very decent families who go off the rails - just because someone is brought up well doesn't mean they'll never go down a wrong path in life

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:12

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/12/2025 11:58

So playing on your phone (during a public holiday at your father’s house) is “shabby behaviour”, but slagging off your stepson on an internet forum because he doesn’t drink enough alcohol and conveying that you and the boy’s dad think he’s a “nightmare” and are “fuming” about spending time with him are fine?

You live in a moral universe which I don’t recognise. I think you are probably just looking for a fight for the sake of it.

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The op is complaining about his attitude when they have a drink. If his attitude was better then there would be no problems. The op has expressed that clearly in her posts. She is talking about the hypocrisy around his attitude and his entitlement of what he wants to eat on Christmas day and yet he isn't buying the food. Normal people would have an issue. You can't enable bad behaviour.

heymamame · 16/12/2025 12:14

ThatLostSock · 16/12/2025 11:34

Are you referring to the 98% who voted on the 'AIBU for being bothered by one person not drinking at Christmas ' question.
If so, you've made one hell of a leap to assume that the majority are now supporting this alleged entitlement of the stepson (for whom we don't really have his side of the story, just that of an unreliable narrator).

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Unreliable or not the fact is this mans attitude or behaviour makes both his dad and stepmom feel uncomfortable in their own home and for some reason they don’t feel able to say anything.
This is what doesn’t sit right with me, and the digs and criticisms are probably very intimidating so id imagine if they are completely changing the course of their day to appease him they are probably walking on egg shells and they’ve said they are not comfortable in his presence and didn’t invite him but he has announced he’ll be there which sounds like he’s just muscling in and taking over the day if they like it or not again they feel unable to say anything.

There’s also references to them expecting him to go to his mums but he hasn’t been invited there for some reason.

Obviously most of us will not see the problem as we are able to communicate and compromise with our family but maybe that is the problem, they don’t even feel able to have a drink together like they planned while he’s there and probably because he will mock and ridicule them, otherwise they’d just go about their day as they were without feeling anxious he’s there.
He seems to have a lot of power over this couple.

chaosmaker · 16/12/2025 12:14

@wakinginthenight he has 9 days to find an alternative place to go on the 25th. Let him know now so he can find one.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 12:15

heymamame · 16/12/2025 12:14

Unreliable or not the fact is this mans attitude or behaviour makes both his dad and stepmom feel uncomfortable in their own home and for some reason they don’t feel able to say anything.
This is what doesn’t sit right with me, and the digs and criticisms are probably very intimidating so id imagine if they are completely changing the course of their day to appease him they are probably walking on egg shells and they’ve said they are not comfortable in his presence and didn’t invite him but he has announced he’ll be there which sounds like he’s just muscling in and taking over the day if they like it or not again they feel unable to say anything.

There’s also references to them expecting him to go to his mums but he hasn’t been invited there for some reason.

Obviously most of us will not see the problem as we are able to communicate and compromise with our family but maybe that is the problem, they don’t even feel able to have a drink together like they planned while he’s there and probably because he will mock and ridicule them, otherwise they’d just go about their day as they were without feeling anxious he’s there.
He seems to have a lot of power over this couple.

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Intimidating - yet more filling in the blanks. She said in other posts they have a good relationship

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2025 12:16

'He is regularly here and nobody drinks and it’s fine'

'I just don’t like drinking in front of him'

'I won’t be able to relax'

'He is always calling in and has a meal and we get along fine and nobody has a drink'

'he only gets cringy when he’s not drinking and we are.'

'I think he’s a lot less judgmental and much more laid back than I gave him credit for'

Its the OP who is the one changing her behavior from the 'norm' and she feels 'uncomfortable' about how she feels she 'might be' perceived to act around him. She stated several time that they get along fine normally so he is NOT some horrific step son but that is when she is sober. She says that she 'FEELS' judged when SHE is acting different from drinking because as she repetitively says he will 'just sit their quietly on his phone'. Most likely OP is just a boring drunk and facebook is more interesting than hearing the same slurred story for the 4th time.

She keeps saying she thinks her will 'disapprove' but

she cannot say how he 'feels' only how she feels, sitting on your phone or being quiet does not mean he is 'judging', she 'feels' judged because someone is acting differently to her thats her own issue to work on.

and

if she is getting 'shitfaced' while in charge of his young siblings and acting inappropriately then he damn well should 'remember' and bring that up, everyone should bring up child neglect (if OP is not doing that then she doesn't need to worry does she)

Her 'feelings' are her own problem, this man deserves to be able to spend time with his dad and young siblings at Christmas.

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:17

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 12:08

Right - so the stepson is a product of how his mum and dad brought him up presumably before they split. So if he's entitled and selfish -where did he get it from? Them?

There are children from very decent families who go off the rails - just because someone is brought up well doesn't mean they'll never go down a wrong path in life

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My kids won't always get it right they will make mistakes. They are good kind people and I will always support them. I will never enable bad behaviour.

The split between his parents might not have been easy.

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 12:20

ItsAHare · 16/12/2025 11:20

I’d urge you to look over your own posts and scan for emotional reactions (the two that were deleted included saying “fuck you” to all MNers and calling everyone cunts, then you accused MNHQ of “silencing you” when they deleted this - I’m sure you’d agree these aren’t particularly objective, unemotional responses). Maybe look for any potential bias or assumptions, too - possibly where you’ve said OP “implied” or “probably” meant something (filling in the gaps with information you have no evidence for), or when you’ve had an emotional reaction to posters who weren’t attacking OP and accused them of being bullies (reacting to what you expected to see rather than what had actually been written). Shouting at anybody who interpreted the situation differently to you, calling people “horrible”, “vultures”, or “awful” (or calling everybody “cunts”) really doesn’t demonstrate critical thinking or “not letting emotion cloud your judgement”.

I’m not saying your reading of the situation is definitely wrong; I can’t know that. But you can’t know that you’re definitely right, either. You seem very, very emotionally invested, I don’t know why, but it’s clear something about this is upsetting you and I hope you’re okay.

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You’re all throwing stones at someone you don’t even understand, making assumptions based on your own biases. When I use words like “imply” or “perhaps,” it’s to show that I’m not claiming something I’m not absolutely certain about, unlike you. You’ve made up your minds about this woman completely, and it’s honestly astounding. What’s even more baffling is that you’ve read your own replies and still think they’re acceptable.

You’re upset because I started throwing stones back. I didn’t single anyone out or call you a c*, I refered to Mumsnetters collectively that way, I used that language as I believed I was communicating on your level and maybe you would understand that language. Aren’t responses showcasing exactly why that description fits.

TorroFerney · 16/12/2025 12:21

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 10:49

Yes he’s Dh son.
He is regularly here and nobody drinks and it’s fine but this particular Christmas we have bought drink as we particularly wanted to have a drinks this year before he said he was coming to us.

Now he’s coming and not drinking I do feel a bit like it’s thrown a spanner in our plans as he will be judgy if we get tipsy, nobody has a drink problem I just don’t like drinking in front of him and he will just be sitting there quietly looking at his phone looking mortified at us drinking.

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Tipsy. Or shitfaced ? You’ve said both and they are not the same. The latter then yes I don’t blame him for being irritated.

why though didn’t you write a proper post to begin with explaining properly what the issue was ie you don’t get on you feel judged etc, even if you have a thimble of wine he’s offended.

did he grow up around parents who were drunk a lot? That can make children very anti booze.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 12:21

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:12

The op is complaining about his attitude when they have a drink. If his attitude was better then there would be no problems. The op has expressed that clearly in her posts. She is talking about the hypocrisy around his attitude and his entitlement of what he wants to eat on Christmas day and yet he isn't buying the food. Normal people would have an issue. You can't enable bad behaviour.

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Yet she said in other posts she rarely drinks. If you think bad behaviour is asking for a roast at Christmas instead of a finger buffet I feel sorry for you

Bad behaviour? Is he coming in drunk and being sick on the floor? Stealing from them? Snorting coke in front of them. He's asked for a roast

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:21

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2025 12:16

'He is regularly here and nobody drinks and it’s fine'

'I just don’t like drinking in front of him'

'I won’t be able to relax'

'He is always calling in and has a meal and we get along fine and nobody has a drink'

'he only gets cringy when he’s not drinking and we are.'

'I think he’s a lot less judgmental and much more laid back than I gave him credit for'

Its the OP who is the one changing her behavior from the 'norm' and she feels 'uncomfortable' about how she feels she 'might be' perceived to act around him. She stated several time that they get along fine normally so he is NOT some horrific step son but that is when she is sober. She says that she 'FEELS' judged when SHE is acting different from drinking because as she repetitively says he will 'just sit their quietly on his phone'. Most likely OP is just a boring drunk and facebook is more interesting than hearing the same slurred story for the 4th time.

She keeps saying she thinks her will 'disapprove' but

she cannot say how he 'feels' only how she feels, sitting on your phone or being quiet does not mean he is 'judging', she 'feels' judged because someone is acting differently to her thats her own issue to work on.

and

if she is getting 'shitfaced' while in charge of his young siblings and acting inappropriately then he damn well should 'remember' and bring that up, everyone should bring up child neglect (if OP is not doing that then she doesn't need to worry does she)

Her 'feelings' are her own problem, this man deserves to be able to spend time with his dad and young siblings at Christmas.

Edited

Sit there quietly and making faces while playing on his phone. She's not allowed to say nothing. She should put up with it and shut up. He won't be playing with his siblings. He wants food and drink so he can shit, piss and burp.

TheBlueHedgehog · 16/12/2025 12:25

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:12

The op is complaining about his attitude when they have a drink. If his attitude was better then there would be no problems. The op has expressed that clearly in her posts. She is talking about the hypocrisy around his attitude and his entitlement of what he wants to eat on Christmas day and yet he isn't buying the food. Normal people would have an issue. You can't enable bad behaviour.

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The op is complaining about his attitude when they have a drink. If his attitude was better then there would be no problems.

Have you considered the possibility that OP and her DH are not pleasant people to be around when they are drunk and this is why he has an attitude when they drink?

Why else would she be worried about someone remembering how she behaves and/or what she's said when she's drunk?

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 12:27

You seem to know everything about this young man - based on nothing but your own bias. He wants food so he can shit piss and burp? I can't remember the last time I burped after eating food. You don't think the OP and her partner will be pissing as you put it after all the booze they'll be drinking

Oh and he won't be playing with the kids because YOU say so. You're completely absurd - and unpleasant to boot

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 12:29

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:21

Sit there quietly and making faces while playing on his phone. She's not allowed to say nothing. She should put up with it and shut up. He won't be playing with his siblings. He wants food and drink so he can shit, piss and burp.

Edited

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Again - filling in the blanks and making it up as you go along.

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:29

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 12:21

Yet she said in other posts she rarely drinks. If you think bad behaviour is asking for a roast at Christmas instead of a finger buffet I feel sorry for you

Bad behaviour? Is he coming in drunk and being sick on the floor? Stealing from them? Snorting coke in front of them. He's asked for a roast

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Is he paying for the roast?
Does he really get to decide?

In my house we have decided to have a Jamaican Christmas this year. If the kids wanted a roast dinner then they need to wait until boxing day. My money my choice but luckily my kids are open-minded and enjoy being with us. Not for what they can get from us. They are not uppity or take themselves seriously.

MiddleChildX · 16/12/2025 12:32

PigeonsandSquirrels · 16/12/2025 10:23

If you don’t like them sober then you just don’t like them.

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Yeah it’s always a shame when someone needs a couple of drinks the make them tolerable.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 12:33

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 12:20

You’re all throwing stones at someone you don’t even understand, making assumptions based on your own biases. When I use words like “imply” or “perhaps,” it’s to show that I’m not claiming something I’m not absolutely certain about, unlike you. You’ve made up your minds about this woman completely, and it’s honestly astounding. What’s even more baffling is that you’ve read your own replies and still think they’re acceptable.

You’re upset because I started throwing stones back. I didn’t single anyone out or call you a c*, I refered to Mumsnetters collectively that way, I used that language as I believed I was communicating on your level and maybe you would understand that language. Aren’t responses showcasing exactly why that description fits.

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Really? Well there's someone on this thread who supports the OP - in fact more than one - who have filled in more than a few gaps due to their own biases. Apparently he won't be playing with his siblings and he only wants food so he can shit piss and burp.

Oh and you're name calling people because that's the level people who don't agree with you communicate on?

Wow. Maybe you want to check your own privilege

It's not up to you to moderate the thread. Or start name calling people because they don't agree with you

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:34

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 12:29

Again - filling in the blanks and making it up as you go along.

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From what the op said he won't enjoy himself or their company. He will be playing on his phone looking at them and not joining in the games. Taking offence to little things being said to him and judging them.

Eat, shit, piss and burp is the best they will get from him.

TheBlueHedgehog · 16/12/2025 12:35

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 12:29

Is he paying for the roast?
Does he really get to decide?

In my house we have decided to have a Jamaican Christmas this year. If the kids wanted a roast dinner then they need to wait until boxing day. My money my choice but luckily my kids are open-minded and enjoy being with us. Not for what they can get from us. They are not uppity or take themselves seriously.

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Please enlighten us on how this conversation between OP/DH/DSS went down about the roast dinner because OP hasn't actually said. She's just said that they've switched from a finger buffet to a roast dinner because DSS won't eat it. We've no idea if 1) she's made that assumption 2) DSS was told they were having a finger buffet and demanded a roast instead or 3) one of a few different scenarios between these two extremes.

How do you know so much about the DSS that hasn't been shared on here? Are you the OP?