Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

I also vote reverse. Surely nobody would openly admit this.

How do you know they won’t join in and enjoy themselves? Silly games are still fun with or without drink. Just get in with your plans for games etc and all have fun.

Why does someone else’s level of (not) drinking bother you?

Don’t make an issue of it.

So what if a pregnant woman came over or someone on medication? Would you hate this too? People can have fun without alcohol you know.

Maybe they have a health condition/medication that means they can't drink alcohol? Would you rather not have their company if they can't drink? That's a bit shallow of you. There is more to life than alcohol. Surely you can have a good time without it occasionally?

Sounds like you are in for a cracking Christmas if you are worried about someone being sober and spectating.

Why will he be ‘watching’? What a weird reaction to a guest not wanting to drink

I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything...

Are you and the others planning to drink so much that you DON'T remember everything? In that case, I'd think that the temporary teetotaler is more likely to feel uncomfortable than the drinker are, but he's made a very deliberate choice in advance so he knows what he's getting into. I'm not sure I'd buy nonalcoholic beer, though.

How many drinks does someone have to imbibe before they are considered a participant in the festivities? Is it a sliding scale based on weight? Is there a drinks per hour quota? If you have just one glass are you part of the gang?

Why does it make you feel uncomfortable?
This says more about you and how you feel about drinking IMHO.
I dont drink, I stopped when pregnant 14 years ago and never felt the need to restart. I realised I could have a good time without drink...and tbh it opened my eyes to how drunk some people get and how they rely on drink to have a good time. Since not drinking, I witnessed a lot of toxic behaviours stemming from drink, particularly in relationships or in front of children.
It is none of your business whether someone drinks or doesn't drink and you should probably look at the real reason why it bothers you so much...

P.S we do games, silly things, have a laugh etc, all without drink, at Christmas and every day of the week 🤷‍♀️

You sound really weird. So you would never want a pregnant woman in your company if you are drinking? Or someone who is driving?

Can you really not see how controlling and odd this is?

People who think they can't have fun without alcohol are, without exception,@ really dull company.

how odd. my adult dc and partner don't drink, never have, doesn't bother me in the slightest.

So they are welcome in your house, but only if they have a skinful of booze.

Very harsh to refer to them as a spectator. Sometimes when I go out I don’t drink and I like to think my friends and family would still enjoy my company/conversation/jokes etc without thinking I’m just watching the night from the sidelines

So you’re saying that you have to have a drink to be fun or have a good time? Do you think he won’t be able to join in?
I suggest that you tell him not to come, you seem to be worried that he will judge you and I totally get that you wouldn’t want that in your home on Christmas Day. Unfortunately to value getting p*ssed over and above the presence of this person. How very sad are you.

Another one who thinks this must be a reverse. Otherwise you are being absolutely ridiculous

Wow, yabvvvvvu. Unless you plan to get totally shitfaced and utterly embarrass yourself it really shouldn't matter who is drinking and who isn't.

My DW cant drink due to medical issue, my son in law is a recovering alcholoc been sober forever, everyone else will have a drink, but we will mainly be having alchol free cocktails so everyone included. I dont think either of them will be sitting judging the alcohol we drink, they will still be joining with games. You dont need to be drunk to have fun.

Would you feel the same if they weren't drinking because they were driving? Had an alcohol issue they're tackling?

As long as they get stuck in and have fun, who gives a fuck what they are drinking

Unless they are sanctimonious about drink

Do you think he won't be able to join in and have fun just because he's not drinking?

You realise how pathetic that makes you sound right? And I say that as someone who absolutely loves a drink - if you think it's not possible to have a good time without it you're pathetic.

Maybe the OP should regularly breathalyse her guests and check they are inebriated enough for her. Immediate expulsion from the house if their blood alcohol level dips and they are not prepared to down a couple of shots on the spot.

I think you should uninvite him. I imagine it'll be pretty unpleasant for him to be judged in this way.
I wonder if the fact that he's told you in advance that he won't be drinking is somewhat revealing. Most people wouldn't bother telling a host. They'd just bring something non-alcoholic. Maybe he is already aware of your expectations.

as a child/young adult, I spent many Christmases with drunken family members. Come the evening there was inappropriate behaviour, various rows etc. Not nice to be around, and as a result put me off for life drinking more than a tipple on Christmas Day.

I’m teetotal these days after having breast cancer and finding out I have a genetic mutation that means my lifelong risk of breast and other cancers is much higher than the average person, and alcohol is a major risk factor.

If I was your family member, would you prefer I didn’t attend any of your future parties? Do you realise how completely unreasonable that is?

I am a recovering alcoholic, been sober over 8 years now. When I was drinking, I would heavily encourage others to drink, because then I didn't feel so bad as to how much I was putting away. It's a slippery slope. I'm actually a lot more fun now I don't drink. I simply don't need it ☺️