Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

@ByWisePanda I think OP has approached this thread poorly hence the extreme responses she's getting (I've said multiple times she should delete and start again) but I think your response in defence of OP is the other end of the extreme.

Every family dynamic is different but I find it unusual (and quite sad) that you don't feel you are able to invite yourself to your own parents house for Christmas and if you do you have to provide your own food an drink. I left home at 18 and I'm much older now, but I know there would always be a place for me if I wanted or needed without the obligation of providing my own sustenance. I think most families are the same.

Because they'll be drinking and he isn't and he's also asked for a roast dinner instead of a finger buffet and he's asked them to buy him alcohol free beer

What exactly are they spectating. Just because they are not drinking doesn't mean they wont be joining in games surely.

I've been ill this year , and have a barley intolerance so beer is out of the question. I don't like wine as a stand alone drink, or drink spirits. Even my DS who rarely drinks told me off for intending not to have drinks out of meals.

It's the same attitude OP has, DH is worse. Prior to illness and barley issue id have non alcoholic beer and once it's poured you wont tell the difference. Just don't get alcohol free lager as it tastes horrible, you can get decent alcohol free IPA,.

Surely its not your opinion whether he drinks or not. He could be ill and not able to drink and doesn't want his medical information bandied about.

it's taking the piss to spend Christmas with your family? good luck when you're 85 and need help, with that attitude

Thank you for correcting me. What do you mean "so what" It's good manners to bring food or a bottle of wine when people are hosting you. I always brought food I didn't ask them to buy me drink.

I’d keep the food plans the same and let him know what they are. He may then change his mind and go to his Mun’s which sorts it out for you.

see I don't think that's an adequate reason.

him not drinking isn't relevant. they have voices, they can say "no lad, it's cheese sandwiches for lunch only!" and he can make his own choices from there. similarly they can say "actually mate, can you pick up your own, we've only budgeted for what we're brought" and he can make his own choices.

for his father to be fuming that his son will be there suggests something else is going on. not liking the reminder of his old family perhaps.

I can't believe that someone has posted something as ridiculous as this.

the point isn't the manners, it's why your reproductive choices are relevant, as if he's somehow deficient for not having children young like you

My children love Christmas they are always asking us what we want or need. I didn't drag them up I parented them. My children have grown up to become lovely well adjusted adults. I want my children to explore the world not be tied next to me.

This - and people being critical because he's not bringing food. The OPs original post makes it clear that she does not want him there. His father is fuming that he's coming

He could turn up with food and drink and it would make no difference.

The only teetotal person who comes to my xmas parties is worse sober than most people are drunk! When he used to drink it was a nightmare. Believe it or not people can have fun and be fun without having too much to drink. At least the sober one can make sure everyone is OK and no one burns the house down (metaphorically).

It's about taking responsibility for yourself and thinking of others. At 25 he should be bringing food or a drink not asking for them to buy it.

No one said you dragged them up. Someone was merely asking what relevance was it that you had 3 kids by the time you were 25.

But if they popped round for Christmas you'd not let them stay?

You're wrong if he had a different attitude the op wouldn't be here. At 25 he should no better.

They don't want him there anyway. What does it matter if he turns up with food and drink or not. Some people will take family food and drink and others won't. In some families there will be an expectation and in others there won't be.

I don't take my mum food - we get a takeaway. I don't bring her wine either because I generally buy her some as part of her Christmas. My brother does the same.

What I do is I take her out for meals during the year

Because it spoils his intention to get merry with his wife instead which was his preference but his son makes that uncomfortable by cringing and being immature, personally I think his son needs to wind his neck in he’s not a child he’s a grown man of 25!

If his son wasn’t so critical and dominating over the day he probably wouldn’t have objected.
He disapproved of their choice of buffet food that the children who live there want so they changed to a roast to suit him and now he is gonna sit there pulling faces at his step mum and dad like a silly embarrassed teenager if they enjoy a drink, but he’ll still happily eat the free food his step mum has tailored to him and drink the af drinks he requested the entitlement of this man is unreal.

At 25 I wouldn’t expect my dad to tailor his day to suit me.
I wonder why he wasn’t welcome at him mums again this year?

The op is fed up with her step sons attitude. If they were selfish like the ops step son it would be an uncomfortable visit. How do you want the world to see your children we are their teachers?

We don't know anything about the dynamic of the relationship the rest of the year round. She doesn't want him there and all she had to do was say no we have other plans, we'll see you another day.

That would have saved this never ending saga.

He's a selfish 25 year old man child. The op and her husband do other things for him throughout the year with odd jobs and they get nothing in return. It's time to set boundaries.

I don't think asking for some alcohol free beer and a roast instead of a finger buffet on Christmas day is massively entitled. If they didn't want to buy him the beer or do a roast all they had to do was say no. We've planned for Christmas - this is the way it is. Or we'll see you tomorrow, we have other plans

Don't agree to have someone round and then be fuming that they are coming

She posted about what they do for him.

How do you know they get nothing in return?