Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

She didn't say they do odd jobs. She said he calls in for a meal and they do a lot for him but she didn't specify what.

From what the op has posted they do a lot for him.

I’d urge you to look over your own posts and scan for emotional reactions (the two that were deleted included saying “fuck you” to all MNers and calling everyone cunts, then you accused MNHQ of “silencing you” when they deleted this - I’m sure you’d agree these aren’t particularly objective, unemotional responses). Maybe look for any potential bias or assumptions, too - possibly where you’ve said OP “implied” or “probably” meant something (filling in the gaps with information you have no evidence for), or when you’ve had an emotional reaction to posters who weren’t attacking OP and accused them of being bullies (reacting to what you expected to see rather than what had actually been written). Shouting at anybody who interpreted the situation differently to you, calling people “horrible”, “vultures”, or “awful” (or calling everybody “cunts”) really doesn’t demonstrate critical thinking or “not letting emotion cloud your judgement”.

I’m not saying your reading of the situation is definitely wrong; I can’t know that. But you can’t know that you’re definitely right, either. You seem very, very emotionally invested, I don’t know why, but it’s clear something about this is upsetting you and I hope you’re okay.

Don't you think he should start giving back a little?

The amount of threads on here about entitled men.
Well read this thread and you’ll see how they’re made.
Disapproving looks, expecting tailored meals and raised eyebrows if he isn’t impressed.
I bet he has a seat at the head of the table.
Maybe his dad is threatened by his dominance?

How do you know he doesn't

Oh come on. All the OP and her husband had to do if they didn't want him there was say no. No to the roast. No to the finger buffet and no to the alcohol free beer. Instead she comes online posting referring to her stepson as a "spectator" and making it clear she doesn't want him in her house

If that's the case just tell him

As a non drinker it really does piss some people off when you aren't drinking. On one level I kind of get it, if you want to get drunk it probably isn't much fun to realise there will be a sober person who will not be behaving in the same way and who will remember everything. Its also not so much fun fun for the sober person if everyone is drunk. I've been to parties where I'm not drinking and everyone else is. Everyone else talks about how legendary the night was but my memory of it is usually a bit grim.

In situations where people aren't getting hammered then sober people and slightly tipsy people can socialise and have fun together just fine.

98% of posters who I assume are women are in support of his behaviour. No wonder there is so many feckless men in the world. Finding a good man is like finding a needle in a haystack. Luckily I do have a good caring unselfish man in my life. He has his faults but he wouldn't treat his or my family like that.

His attitude speaks volumes keep making excuses for him.

I'll post my opinion the same way you post yours - sorry if you don't like that. You're filling in the blanks saying they do odd jobs for him - when that was never said and you're also saying he does nothing for them - when you don't know that's true

Are you referring to the 98% who voted on the 'AIBU for being bothered by one person not drinking at Christmas ' question.
If so, you've made one hell of a leap to assume that the majority are now supporting this alleged entitlement of the stepson (for whom we don't really have his side of the story, just that of an unreliable narrator).

I strongly suspect a large proportion of that 98% have read the OP, which is essentially about a person who doesn't want to host someone who doesn't plan on drinking alcohol on Christmas Day. Which is obviously unreasonable. It's not until you read the multiple (and slightly contradictory) follow up posts that you realise this isn't really what the issue is at all.

That said, you seem to know more information about the OP's stepson than what has been shared on this thread.

What attitude?

Apart from 'nasty piece of work' which might cross into a 'personal attack' (although nearly everyone here thinks her attitude she is showing towards SS is 'nasty') the rest is just commenting on the topic going of what OP has said.

The whole post, topic and follow up info is literally about her getting drunk so her drinking habits are absolutely fair to reference and not remotely 'interpretation' (people are quoting her). Her backpedaling and downplaying what she previously said doesn't erase it and her attitude towards her SS and children shows lots of classic 'toxic' traits.

She literally asked for opinions by posting on AIBU, those opinions do not have to be positive and agree with her (although actually we are 'agreeing' as she even acknowledged she IS being unreasonable).

An attack/bullying is commenting on something randomly personal that is NOT the topic or idea being discussed.

Example: If someone says 'I believe the rich should be taxed because no innocent child should starve because their parents can't afford food' and someone replies with 'shut up you fat cow' that is a 'attack'. If someone else responds with 'Well, I think you shouldn't have had a kid if you can't afford it, it's the parents job to make sure their child doesn't starve to death' thats cold and might be hurtful even but not a 'personal attack' as its literally the discussion topic.

Comments on OPs drinking and her step-parenting are literally the discussion she opened up.

What is his attitude? All we know for sure about his attitude is that he wants to spend Christmas with his dad and stepmum and that he wants some non alcoholic beers.

The rest is projection, either by the OP or by you.

Why do we need to “make excuses” for him? We know nothing about him other than the fact his dad’s wife doesn’t like him!

This is just completely absurd. You can't blame women for there being feckless men in the world just because of opinions on a website. How is finding a good man like finding a needle in a haystack? What an absurd view

There are plenty of decent men out there.

This lad wants a roast for dinner - flog him! He doesn't want to drink either - he's a terrible entitled selfish person!.

Meanwhile the OP has thrown her toys out of the pram because she and her husband can't have "a good amount to drink" in front of two primary age kids.

I wonder what their day is going to be like?

What if one of them had an accident? Who would be driving them to A and E? The selfish entitled stepson obviously

There is so much wrong with multiple posts from op where to start.

For sure a drink problem and deeply unpleasant attitude towards an adult DC.

Saddest thread I've seen in a long time

He apparently wants a roast instead of finger buffet too. And people have assumed that he's not taking any gifts - therefore he's entitled and selfish and dominant

Giving back?

You mean like being the sober responsible adult who is watching the young children while their parents get irresponsibly drunk.

Having to take on a parenting role because your parents put drinking above their responsibilities is more than any child should have to do no matter if they are 5 of 25.

Even if those are true they hardly justify the OP bitching on an internet forum about her husband’s son and how much she doesn’t want to hang out with him at Christmas.

Not least the weird drip feed so we go from complaining that he doesn’t drink enough alcohol to complaining that she has to buy non alcoholic drinks (which she is buying anyway) to complaining that he’s coming over at all… and coopting his father, suggesting he is furious about having to spend time with his son.

However you look at this, the OP doesn’t emerge as a charitable or compassionate person. Nor does the boy’s father.

More excuses for shabby behaviour. He could bring a pie for Christmas. Sitting around playing on his phone looking disgruntled is not how normal people behave in someone else's home. He has his own place to do that in.

The way she spoke about him in that first paragraph was like talking about a complete stranger - referring to him as a spectator.

I'll stand by this view - the person who is coming off as entitled is her. She's completely entitled to have a drink at Christmas but it's one day.

If she doesn't feel that she can drink in front of him she can drink on Christmas eve. Or boxing day surely. Or new years eve.

Omg, it just gets worse and worse. The poor step-son. His own dad is fuming he's coming for Christmas dinner and his step-mum hates him so much she resents even buying him a can of non-alcoholic beer.

I also echo other posters saying you definitely have a problem with alcohol, OP. You both sound like binge drinkers. You want your step-son to drink so much he won't remember what happened. You're planning on drinking as heavily yourselves. All the while you've got young children in the house??

So playing on your phone (during a public holiday at your father’s house) is “shabby behaviour”, but slagging off your stepson on an internet forum because he doesn’t drink enough alcohol and conveying that you and the boy’s dad think he’s a “nightmare” and are “fuming” about spending time with him are fine?

You live in a moral universe which I don’t recognise. I think you are probably just looking for a fight for the sake of it.