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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

1000 replies

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 09:28

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

OP posts:
IAmAVampire · 16/12/2025 15:41

So this isn't just because he's drinking. It's because he'll suck, judge and be rude? That's understandable (if true)

Iwantitidontwantit · 16/12/2025 15:42

wakinginthenight · 15/12/2025 13:05

Nobody hates him but no we DID NOT invite him and DO NOT want him to come.
The reason is that we have made other plans between ourselves this year and he has disrupted that.

That is what this thread is all about, I said that all along so not sure why all the Sherlock Holmes are coming out thinking they’ve just worked that out.

How is him inviting himself to our house to be fed and tell me what drink to buy him, more entitled than us wanting to spend Christmas how we choose in our own home?

We’ve already had to change all the food plans because we originally planned on doing a party/finger food buffet that the kids wanted now we have to have a sit down roast because he wouldn’t eat that and now we can’t have a drink either and yes I am pissed off and I ranted on here to save saying it to his face, if he’d been invited I would have happily been more accommodating but we he wasn’t and we I resent our plans being scuppered.
There’s not much we can do about it now, he’s told us he’s coming so what will be will be.

Let's hope that if you and your DH ever split up, his next wife treats your children the same way your step son

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 15:44

Thatsalineallright · 16/12/2025 15:32

I have no idea why you're repeatedly referencing your husband or the fact that he is Jamaican. Your posts are non-sensical.

I want to talk about him he comes from a single parent family and from another culture. He would never ask his mother to buy his drink he would buy her a drink. He would never tell his mummy he wanted a roast for Christmas. Why are you defending him?

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 15:46

IAmAVampire · 16/12/2025 15:41

So this isn't just because he's drinking. It's because he'll suck, judge and be rude? That's understandable (if true)

And this ☝️

heymamame · 16/12/2025 16:05

Iwantitidontwantit · 16/12/2025 15:42

Let's hope that if you and your DH ever split up, his next wife treats your children the same way your step son

So it’s the children that must pay the price for this man’s disrespectful face pulling and rude comments?

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 16:06

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 15:34

What made you think you were communicating on my level (or on anyone’s level) by calling everyone who disagrees with you cunts? Had anyone else resorted to this kind of aggressive language? Or was your belief that people like me would “understand that language” an emotional reaction based on an assumption you made?”

Have you read the replies? The language is unacceptable, and your argument (Sorry, 98% of responders) is based entirely on assumptions.

“We’ve interpreted the OPs posts differently, and I’ve not “made up my mind completely” any more than (and possibly not as firmly as) you have. My opinion, like yours, is based on what OP has said, and I’d be open to changing that opinion if new (reliable) information came to light. Unfortunately for OP, the drip-feed showed her to be an unreliable narrator, and many posters who disagree with you can’t take the additional justifications for her feelings about her stepson, or the reframing of the amount she intended to drink, at face value.”

The opinions of 98% of respondents have been expressed in a particularly aggressive and one‑sided way. The OP may have seemed a bit sketchy when adding extra details, but she’s been absolutely hounded. She came here to vent and ask whether her approach was unreasonable, yet what she’s received instead feels like a virtual stoning. People have called her cruel personal names and accused her of being an alcoholic and an unfit mother.

Personally, as I’ve already said, I find it intriguing that OPs stepson is fine with OP drinking and even happily drinks with her in some situations, but he isn’t okay with it in others. It seems quite significant that it’s when he decides to stay sober that he disapproves of OP drinking. Of course, this could be a sanctimonious 25 year old who changes his judgments based on his own behaviour. But it could also be a stepson who disapproves of his dad and stepmum “having a fair amount of drink”/drinking with the intention of getting “tipsy” around his primary-school aged half-siblings on Christmas Day, and he might be staying sober for them. Or it could be a combination, or we could both be way off the mark - it’s hard to tell what the hell is going on when OP changed her story so dramatically.”

But that’s the point, isn’t it? We don’t have all information yet assumptions have been made and responses were based on that inaccurate judgment.

”I’m not “upset” that you’re “throwing stones back” just confused as to why you’re ’throwing stones’ at all. I’m also slightly baffled by your repeated use of “you all”, as if everyone who disagrees with you is a hive-mind.”

Glad to hear it, I’m pleased you’re not upset and losing sleep over this. Apologies, 98% of responders. I’m not here to argue with anyone who disagrees with me. All I’ve done is make an observation, explained why I called the collective Mumsnetters c*ts, and shared how I interpreted the original post. I’ve been pretty clear, yet there still seems to be confusion. If that’s the case, there’s probably no point in continuing this exchange is there, as we’re just going to keep going around in circles.

I really feel for the OP she didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and the responses have been completely unfair.

Edited

And regarding your last comment, what’s happened here does feel a lot like hive mentality.

Everyone seems to have banded together to push a narrative that she’s an alcoholic, a bad mother, and that she dislikes her stepson. These assumptions have completely overridden any independent judgment.

For some reason, the mention of alcohol has really struck a nerve with many people, clouding their ability to think critically and assess the facts.

Nowhere in her comments do I get the impression that she’s an alcoholic, yet most of the angry reactions seem rooted in that assumption.

IAmAVampire · 16/12/2025 16:14

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 15:46

And this ☝️

Thank you.

IAmAVampire · 16/12/2025 16:17

IAmAVampire · 16/12/2025 16:14

Thank you.

Obviously I meant "not drinking" and "he'll sulk"

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 16:18

IAmAVampire · 16/12/2025 15:41

So this isn't just because he's drinking. It's because he'll suck, judge and be rude? That's understandable (if true)

The stepson isn't drinking - he's said he doesn't want to. They are.

IAmAVampire · 16/12/2025 16:19

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 16:18

The stepson isn't drinking - he's said he doesn't want to. They are.

Typo. I meant to say because he's not drinking. He'll sulk, pout and generally be rude (according to OP)

Thatsalineallright · 16/12/2025 16:39

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 15:44

I want to talk about him he comes from a single parent family and from another culture. He would never ask his mother to buy his drink he would buy her a drink. He would never tell his mummy he wanted a roast for Christmas. Why are you defending him?

Single parent families aren't relevant to this thread, neither is Jamaica, other cultures, or mother-son relationships. You've chosen a very strange platform for talking about your husband.

ACynicalDad · 16/12/2025 16:41

I think you need to reevaluate your own relationship with alcohol. Unless there's a massive backstory a father being as unwelcoming as you seem to imply to his own son on Christmas Day is deeply saddening.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 16:47

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 16:06

And regarding your last comment, what’s happened here does feel a lot like hive mentality.

Everyone seems to have banded together to push a narrative that she’s an alcoholic, a bad mother, and that she dislikes her stepson. These assumptions have completely overridden any independent judgment.

For some reason, the mention of alcohol has really struck a nerve with many people, clouding their ability to think critically and assess the facts.

Nowhere in her comments do I get the impression that she’s an alcoholic, yet most of the angry reactions seem rooted in that assumption.

I've not called her a bad mother nor have I called her an alcoholic. People don't need to "think critically". They can form an opinion based on the posts they are given - and it should be fine that some people have opinions that are completely opposed to one another.

This couple have choices. You know like the words no we've made other plans. No you aren't having a roast - no I'm not buying your beer

Don't make a rod for your own back by saying yes to something when you actually mean no - because all that does is lead to the kind of passive aggressive resentment we are seeing here. He's invited himself over - we don't want him

At first they were going to have a good amount of drink - which I suspect was the case and that's their choice - then it changed to ever so slightly tipsy

Who is going to care if someone gets "ever so slightly tipsy" at Christmas. Lots of people drink at Christmas

She said herself in her opening post that she felt she was being unreasonable and that the stepson is there a lot and they generally get along fine. She also said that her own kids wouldn't judge them for being drunk - of course they won't - they are primary school kids.

All they had to do was send a text saying - we're having a few drinks tonight just us, come round Christmas eve instead or Boxing day

Party games aren't everyone's thing. Neither is drinking at Christmas.
There's never enough detail to be able to form a complete opinion anyway. It might have helped if the OP had said why he wasn't going to his mums this year.

His dad is fuming that his own son is coming over on Christmas day - that's the part that really stands out for me

If they are getting criticism, there's reasons why

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 16:48

Thatsalineallright · 16/12/2025 16:39

Single parent families aren't relevant to this thread, neither is Jamaica, other cultures, or mother-son relationships. You've chosen a very strange platform for talking about your husband.

I am talking about how he treats his family. His mum, dad and step parents when there was one around. There is a level of respect that you have to show to people. Posters have not shown the op any respect they have called her an alcoholic for talking about her step sons attitude and she hates him. I'm not surprised you don't understand.

BestintheWest · 16/12/2025 16:49

Thatsalineallright · 16/12/2025 16:39

Single parent families aren't relevant to this thread, neither is Jamaica, other cultures, or mother-son relationships. You've chosen a very strange platform for talking about your husband.

But it could be relevant couldn’t it, instead of shooting her down, you could ask her to learn more about why she sees It as something that contributes to her argument. She might feel that her husband’s situation is similar, living in a split-family environment, navigating two worlds or two cultures. I’m not saying that’s definitely the case, but rather than dismissing it outright, why not just ask her?

This is where my frustrations lie with the way people interact with each other on this platform. It’s like we all absolutely hate each other. It’s so sad.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 16:51

ACynicalDad · 16/12/2025 16:41

I think you need to reevaluate your own relationship with alcohol. Unless there's a massive backstory a father being as unwelcoming as you seem to imply to his own son on Christmas Day is deeply saddening.

Edited

That's the bit that stands out for me. The fact that the father is apparently fuming that his son will be there at Christmas

Zanatdy · 16/12/2025 16:51

Poor kid with a parent and step mum who would rather he didn’t come so they can get shit faced.

heymamame · 16/12/2025 16:52

Zanatdy · 16/12/2025 16:51

Poor kid with a parent and step mum who would rather he didn’t come so they can get shit faced.

You mean 25 year old man.

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 16:54

heymamame · 16/12/2025 16:52

You mean 25 year old man.

They are infantasising him he's a grown man.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 16:57

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 16:48

I am talking about how he treats his family. His mum, dad and step parents when there was one around. There is a level of respect that you have to show to people. Posters have not shown the op any respect they have called her an alcoholic for talking about her step sons attitude and she hates him. I'm not surprised you don't understand.

Where's the respect you've shown to the stepson? You made a ridiculous post saying that he's there to piss shit burp and fart. And grunt. Then you said he wouldn't be interacting with his step siblings because you know better

Then you made a snide dig at me saying that people only don't burp after a meal if they eat shit food.

I don't eat shit food. I know how to cook for myself perfectly well. I just don't go to other peoples homes at Christmas and sit burping and farting my way through Christmas dinner

The OP said herself she was being unreasonable in her very first post.

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 17:00

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 16:57

Where's the respect you've shown to the stepson? You made a ridiculous post saying that he's there to piss shit burp and fart. And grunt. Then you said he wouldn't be interacting with his step siblings because you know better

Then you made a snide dig at me saying that people only don't burp after a meal if they eat shit food.

I don't eat shit food. I know how to cook for myself perfectly well. I just don't go to other peoples homes at Christmas and sit burping and farting my way through Christmas dinner

The OP said herself she was being unreasonable in her very first post.

When he shows respect then he gets it. At the moment this man not child doesn't deserve it.

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 17:01

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 16:54

They are infantasising him he's a grown man.

He's a grown man but he's still the OPs husband's son. Plenty of families have their adult kids round for Christmas. If we want to talk about infantasising we have a couple of 40 year olds who want to get shit faced and wear party hats and are throwing their toys out of the pram because someone doesn't want to get so drunk they won't remember the night before

The stepson isn't staying the night - he's walking home. Even if it's only two streets away do you think it's a good idea to get someone so drunk and then put them out to walk home

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 17:03

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 17:00

When he shows respect then he gets it. At the moment this man not child doesn't deserve it.

What for - because he wants a roast for Christmas and doesn't want to drink. Once more. The OP and her partner could have said - we have other plans. See you later in the week.

ByWisePanda · 16/12/2025 17:04

@Roobarbtwo To add you take yourself too seriously. It's only a burp and a fart dear me. There is something interesting about the step son he takes himself seriously to and it doesn't sound like he'll be barrel of laughs either Christmas day.

heymamame · 16/12/2025 17:05

Roobarbtwo · 16/12/2025 17:03

What for - because he wants a roast for Christmas and doesn't want to drink. Once more. The OP and her partner could have said - we have other plans. See you later in the week.

He had no business asking for a roast to be cooked because he doesn’t fancy what they are having. He’s an entitled man child.

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