Would it bother you if one person wasn’t drinking at Christmas?

[wakinginthenight]

Dh and I do like to have a few drinks at Christmas and enjoy ourselves.
We are having Christmas at home just family and we all intend to have a good amount of drink, play a few silly party games, music and just let our hair down because it’s Christmas but there is one person who’ll be coming who has requested alcohol free beer as he’s not drinking.
He does drink, he’s just decided he won’t on this occasion.
I feel a bit miffed to be honest that we are all going to be drinking and one sober person will be sitting there watching.
I know IABU but I really wish they would not come if they are just going to sit there and remember everything, I don’t think it helps that they will be here all day and all night.

Raising eyebrows, cringing, disapproval, snide remarks and making out they are embarrassing unless he was a teenager are all done to intimidate and belittle.

He sounds like a deeply unpleasant arrogant little man who has made himself unwelcome in the homes of the people he holds in contempt (see first line for a description of contempt) before more accusations of filling blanks.
Stop infantilising this 25 year old grown man who knows exactly what he’s doing.

I wouldn’t spend my Christmas with him.

You're talking nonsense. And you know it. You're just trolling for a reaction at this point

It amazes me how I’m able to strip down everything the OP has said and interpret it in a completely different way to how you’ve all reached that she’s an alcoholic (absolutely nothing she has said leads you there), she’s an unfit mother, (again, nothing there), she hates her stepson (doesn’t want him there, maybe, but nothing to suggest she hates him). I’m amazed. You’re, for whatever reason, either getting a kick out of behaving like this. Or you’re so far deep into what’s spiralled from your initial emotive responses that you don’t have the intelligence to identify, reassess, and re approach. You can’t back out so you’re still digging and trying to make it fit. It’s all here in black and white. Read back this entire thread. Utterly baffling.

Some people like a drink. The op isn't a bad person. Her step son also likes a drink now and then. Is it a shame for him that he can't go out on a lads night out without getting pissed. Why can't he drink Coca-Cola.

I wouldn't spend my Christmas with two people who think getting pissed in front of two primary school kids is priority and who are throwing strops because they can't. His dad is early 40s at least. He's the so called grown up in this scenario

“Getting pissed” …

I didn't call her an alcoholic or an unfit mother.

Oh yes - and we aren't intelligent because we don't have the same view as you. Pretty high opinion of yourself you have there.

I have no intention of backing out - I stand by my view

I don't use emotional manipulation against others. I am stating what the op has said and you don't like it.

That's right - she said in her initial post that she was going to have a "good amount of drink".

BTW I'm Scottish - it's a colloquial term we use. Hope that's OK with you

No. You just make nasty posts about someone pissing shitting and burping. Banging on about pie and stating that someone won't play with their siblings because you decided that

You also said that kids are a product of how they are brought up - so if this young man is selfish and entitled in your view - who caused that?

His dad?

I can’t believe what I just read. It’s his son who lives nearby. Why would he even need an invitation? Why would you not automatically be planning a day where he would feel welcome and included?

My bloke is a proud Jamaican man and would never dream of treating my family or his own the way this lad is treating his. Call him out for what he will be doing eating, drinking, pissing, shitting and burping. He should respect them in their home and participate rather than play on his phone and grunt here and there. Why shouldn't the op or his dad call him out on his behaviour. I would and so would my partner.

All he will do is eat and play on his phone. The op has said he won't participate in any games. He will judge them for enjoying a drink on Christmas day.

Accept you aren’t. The things you’ve said OP hasn’t stated. She hasn’t stated he won’t play with siblings you did.

You’ve made that up. Why? Projecting?

she also said he does join in,

People don't drink for all sorts of reasons. It seems to be his lack of joining in that is the problem. Would you have a problem if it was a designated driver, someone on meds, a person with a medical problem, a recovering alcoholic or a pregnant women?

I stand corrected "he will just be sitting there quietly looking at his phone looking mortified at us drinking." He will be playing games on his phone.

No sorry - you need challenging on this. Don't denigrate people for eating. Pissing and shitting as you put it. Normal bodily functions. As for the burping - again you made that up.

I have a brother - I see him on Christmas day and new years day every year. We have a meal. He doesn't sit burping his way through the meal

At this point - you are just making things up to justify your feelings towards the OPs son..

Your Jamaican husband being proud - what's that got to do with anything

Oh and the OPs son grunts too? Anything else you want to tell mumsnet about his bodily functions - because you seem to think he's only there to piss shit and burp? Did the OP say he does that when he regularly comes round for a meal? I don't think she did

You'd call them out - well why doesn't the Op? Why doesn't she just tell the stepson he's not invited?

I think it's the judgement they don't like. If he came over for Christmas dinner and watched a film or played games with his siblings while they drink it would be a different story.

What an utterly STUPID and ARROGANT thing to say. You ARE being so extremely unreasonable.

If he doesn't want to drink then that's his choice. It's HIS body and life, not yours so only he has a right to say what he does and doesn't drink.

If I were him I wouldn't bother going.

If that's all you have to moan about then you must leave a very sad, boring booze-filled life.

"he will just be sitting there quietly looking at his phone looking mortified at us drinking."

I added the grunts if that's all he'll be doing all evening is playing on his phone they won't get much out of him. Nothing to make up ops own words. He will be there to eat, drink, piss and shit. I agree it's all normal bodily functions. Don't you burp and fart after a meal or are you a lady?

My bloke is a proud Jamaican man and his mum was a single mother. He was always helping her out and vice versa. He would even bring her a beer. This lad is entitled.

He's only going to sit there and judge them but he's still going. At 25 if my parents offended me I wouldn't go.

Ah now see you’d have to have read my earlier posts for that to make sense.

I get it now silly me.

@wakinginthenight I get it. Nothing worse when you get the person the next day going “do you remember when you did this ?” The fear with a hangover is bad enough but it’s worse if there’s someone there taking notes

If you’re worried about someone judging you so much why did you invite them into your home in the first place 🤦🏻‍♀️