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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you continue to see him if you found this out?

212 replies

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 17:31

So I have found out that the guy I have been seeing got a suspended sentence for having sex with an under age girl many years ago. He was early 20s and she was 15. He claims he did not know her age and she looked a lot older. Would you continue to see him?

OP posts:
CheeseIsMyIdol · 03/12/2025 20:52

Newyearawaits · 03/12/2025 20:49

This, it happens

Show quote history

Not if the 24-year-old man performs due diligence.

KindCompassion · 03/12/2025 20:56

I dated a man who knocked up a 16 year old when he was 21. He was quite honestly the worst man I’ve ever met. He lied profusely about being a pilot, even to the MOD who paid him to certify the airworthiness of their planes!
absolutely avoid this scummy man.

chasegirl · 03/12/2025 21:03

Elle771 · 03/12/2025 20:07

This. You dont get to court and a suspended sentence for "consensual" or "mistaken age" sex with that age gap. For it to go to court the victim would have had to support prosecution, give evidence themselves AND there would have been corroborating additional evidence. Only 4% of such cases even make it to sentencing so for him to be one of them there is absolutely no way it will be however he has made it out to you.

Show quote history

Absolutely this. I feel some people are totally missing the fact he was convicted. How difficult it for that to happen, how seldom it happens.

It's not simply a man accidentally dating someone younger at all

Busybeemumm · 03/12/2025 21:07

You know the answer to this yourself OP. A big No. The man has told you who he is so believe him.

TowerRavenSeven · 03/12/2025 21:10

Yes I would IF it was say the 80’s when it happened. Ten years ago, no.

Naunet · 03/12/2025 21:12

Newyearawaits · 03/12/2025 20:49

This, it happens

Show quote history

But ending up with a suspended sentence for it, doesn't.

Vitriolinsanity · 03/12/2025 21:28

I absolutely passed as 18 when I was 15 (80’s). Cocky as all fuck and would have caused a lot of problems for the 20+ men I routinely dated.

MannersAreAll · 03/12/2025 21:30

TowerRavenSeven · 03/12/2025 21:10

Yes I would IF it was say the 80’s when it happened. Ten years ago, no.

If it was in the 80s then the fact he was convicted suggests it's a very different situation to what he's suggesting because it was virtually unheard of for men to be convicted in that situation.

FunMustard · 03/12/2025 21:31

I think the fact he was actually prosecuted makes me think that no, I wouldn't. I also think he's told you what he thinks he can get away with, not the full truth.

I was also a 15/16 year old in the late 90s who was drinking in pubs, not getting asked for ID and quite possibly snogged a couple of older lads in clubs. And while I might have looked grown up, I'm fairly certain that one conversation would have exposed my age.

MaggiesShadow · 03/12/2025 21:31

Vitriolinsanity · 03/12/2025 21:28

I absolutely passed as 18 when I was 15 (80’s). Cocky as all fuck and would have caused a lot of problems for the 20+ men I routinely dated.

Were any of them charged with a crime and sentenced? I doubt it. Think about how difficult convictions are in rape trials and sexual assault cases.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/12/2025 21:31

God no. Your don't want to have a relationship with a paedophile.

XenoBitch · 03/12/2025 21:34

Forgive my ignorance on this, but is not knowing someone's age a defence?

I know it is fiction, but Eastenders ran a story about similar. A male character had a girlfriend, and she turned out to be underage, but she lied about her age to him.. Her parents reported him and he was put on the Sex Offenders Register.

quietlysad · 03/12/2025 21:37

Ahfiddlesticks · 03/12/2025 18:14

Depends how long ago.

I'm 42 and if the bloke was my age or older then I wouldn't be so bothered as when I was 15, dating men in their 20s was pretty normal.

If he's younger than 36 though, I'd say definitely not.

Agree with this. It was very common when I was younger, I am 43, times have changed (for the better) but I don’t necessarily think this makes him a pervert if you are a similar age as people just didn’t view things the same way then.

Duckishness · 03/12/2025 21:42

That would be a hell no.

We can all see the MN what-aboutery and as a teenager in the 90’s I know things were different.

So?

The point you have to start analysing the circumstances of if someone is a sex offender is already past a line in my book.

Lavender14 · 03/12/2025 21:45

A conviction is hard to get op so on that grounds I'd be throwing this one back. It's all a bit icky and the reality is you won't ever really know the truth so I wouldn't take the risk.

Allisnotlost1 · 03/12/2025 21:46

MannersAreAll · 03/12/2025 21:30

If it was in the 80s then the fact he was convicted suggests it's a very different situation to what he's suggesting because it was virtually unheard of for men to be convicted in that situation.

Show quote history

Not quite. Before 2003 prosecutions of older teenage/young adult males for sex with underage females were more common. From 2004 onwards, they prosecution focused more on cases where there were abusive dynamics, really big age gaps or same age defendant/complainant (which is odd but was what people were afraid of at the time).

brunettemic · 03/12/2025 21:46

Izzywizzy85 · 03/12/2025 17:39

No I wouldn’t. I’ve never met a 15 year old who wasn’t very obviously 15, regardless of what she looked like. Huge red flag.

I don’t believe that for a second.

Lovelyindevon · 03/12/2025 21:47

No.

However the information given is very scant. How long ago, circumstances etc, how you found out, how he was found out, does story check out, remorse etc etc.

But first and main instinct - no.

RoseInBloome7 · 03/12/2025 21:48

Nope

JasmineTea11 · 03/12/2025 21:50

Yes. Most of my friends had sex when they were under 16, with men a bit older.

rainbowsparkle28 · 03/12/2025 21:52

Oh for goodness sake, seriously. Of course I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole.

PhuckTrump · 03/12/2025 21:53

Nope. Something very creepy about a man in his 20s who either can’t get women his own age to date him, or enjoys the power imbalance of dating someone so very young.

Both options are bleak.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 03/12/2025 21:53

JasmineTea11 · 03/12/2025 21:50

Yes. Most of my friends had sex when they were under 16, with men a bit older.

Did you misread the OP? The question was would you date a convicted rapist who is on the sex offenders register. What are people struggling with here?

JHound · 03/12/2025 21:53

I don’t trust the “she looked a lot older” crew.

You spend 2 seconds talking to a 15 year old and you know they’re 15. It would give me the ick and I would be off.

(And I don’t want to hear “when I was under sex I had sex with was molested by older men”. So?)

JHound · 03/12/2025 21:56

And I said this as somebody who was tall for my age so mistaken for 21 regularly at 14….till you spoke to me.