Page 9 | Would you continue to see him if you found this out?

Highlightnight · 2025-12-03T17:31:50+00:00

So I have found out that the guy I have been seeing got a suspended sentence for having sex with an under age girl many years ago. He was early 20s and she was 15. He claims he did not know her age and she looked a lot older. Would you continue to see him?

Waitingfordoggo · 05/12/2025 16:36

Createausername1970 · 03/12/2025 18:26

Being older, and being in my mid/late teens in the 70s/80s - this was a fairly common scenario.

So for me personally, if the bloke was older like me then it wouldn't worry me as that was his norm at that age.

A friend's 15 year old looks like a 15 year old in her school uniform. But out of school, with make-up, clothes, hair, huge long lashes, pouty expression etc., you would be hard pushed to identify her age and she looks no different to the 20 year old I work with.

But a conversation with a 15 year-old is very different to a conversation with a 20 year-old, so even if you couldn’t tell by looking, you can surely tell as soon as you speak to them! They go through a lot of changes in those 5 years- physically, mentally and emotionally.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 05/12/2025 16:37

How long ago are we talking?

At 15 I definitely could pass for being 18 or 19 and got into clubs, served alcohol etc and lied about my age frequently. It was also not a big deal for girls of 15 to date older guys, and yes, have sex with them. It was just how things were back when I was younger. No-one really batted much of an eyelid.

taxguru · 05/12/2025 16:39

Waitingfordoggo · 05/12/2025 16:36

But a conversation with a 15 year-old is very different to a conversation with a 20 year-old, so even if you couldn’t tell by looking, you can surely tell as soon as you speak to them! They go through a lot of changes in those 5 years- physically, mentally and emotionally.

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Nail on the head. Looks are only one aspect. As you say, conversation would be very different and a clear sign as to true age. VERY small numbers of 15 year olds would act/talk in a mature enough way to genuinely cause others to think they were adults.

Laura95167 · 05/12/2025 16:49

LeedsLoiner · 05/12/2025 15:35

So no one on here got dressed up on a Friday or Saturday night aged 15/16 and went out to the pub or clubbing and pretended to be 18 or older ?
Back in my student days my then girlfriends younger sister came to stay with us for a couple of weeks - she was 13 at the time.
We wanted to go to the pub but didn't want to leave her alone in the house (in the days when pubs didn't allow children in), so my girlfriend did her make up, lent her some clothes, topped off with one of my leather jackets.
We took her to the pub with strict instructions to walk in with us, be quiet and don't go near the bar area.
Not only did she sail past the bouncers without comment, I had to spend half the night fending off various men who were offering her drinks/trying to chat her up.

How many of those girls pretending to be 18 had sex with a 25 year old man in circumstances where he ended up with a prison (if suspended) sentance?

Because i met her in a pub and thought she was 18 is a legal defence..

Laura95167 · 05/12/2025 16:52

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 05/12/2025 16:37

How long ago are we talking?

At 15 I definitely could pass for being 18 or 19 and got into clubs, served alcohol etc and lied about my age frequently. It was also not a big deal for girls of 15 to date older guys, and yes, have sex with them. It was just how things were back when I was younger. No-one really batted much of an eyelid.

Which tells you how much he must be withholding about the situation that led to a suspended custodial sentence

Wingingit73 · 05/12/2025 16:53

No. Huge red flag

BG2015 · 05/12/2025 16:56

This is a tricky one.
Was she 15 and 11 months or just 15?

Where did they meet? In a club? Pub? Where she had obviously looked older and was allowed in?

Ive seen 15 year olds who look 18 or 19 and act that way too.

Laura95167 · 05/12/2025 17:14

BG2015 · 05/12/2025 16:56

This is a tricky one.
Was she 15 and 11 months or just 15?

Where did they meet? In a club? Pub? Where she had obviously looked older and was allowed in?

Ive seen 15 year olds who look 18 or 19 and act that way too.

He was 25. He said it was at an 18+ event.

But whatever went down he got a prison sentance (granted a suspended one) and if the child is over 13, its a legal defence to say i believed she was over 16.

If this was a girl, pretending to be 18 and consenting how was there evidence enough to convict?

Whatever hes told OP isnt the full story and im horrified by how many posters are saying maybe he was misled. Prior to about 2004 underage sex crimes where rarely prosecuted if the child was over 14 if they "consented"

The amount of posters looking to give him the benefit of the doubt HORRIFIES me. Theres currently a thread about someones date not walking them to their tube/metro and theres more agreement he should be "thrown back" than there is for this criminally convicted predator

FunMustard · 05/12/2025 19:29

I feel like the apologists coming out with all their own stories are completely ignoring the fact that this wasn't a singular shag. Getting into a bar at 15 and ordering your own drinks is vastly different to having a conversation with a young teenager.

I say this as one of those aforementioned 15 year olds that was older looking - I was the one sent to the offy for a bottle of shit alcohol and was regularly drinking in dodgy pubs at that age! Sure I thought I was mature at that age, but the reality is very different.

IsItSnowing · 06/12/2025 09:31

From this thread, it seems like there was far too many young girls taken advantage of in the past by these sexual predators who got away with it.

An adult having sex with a child is not acceptable, never has been. But that's what grooming does. It makes victims feel as though they were consenting, somehow that it was ok. It's not. But this is how they get other young girls to lure new ones in. The apologists on here are treading a similar path and it's quite disturbing.

Is there any excuse for what he did? Did he really think she was over 18? I'm not denying that may happen. But, back then, these cases didn't get to court. In fact, very few got to court. The very fact that his did and he was convicted is a massive red flag.

What he's told you and the truth are probably miles apart. Just take the facts as you know them. He's a convicted sex offender. He's still minimising what happened. Rather than taking responsibility he's blaming his victim.

What on earth is it about him that makes you even vaguely consider continuing to have a relationship with him?

Drachuughtty · 06/12/2025 09:58

Unclear what your AIBU is exactly but absolutely not, no way and hell no. In my view it's very difficult to prove sexual offences so any that are proven are likely to be the tip of a whole iceberg of unproven ones.

Blogswife · 06/12/2025 23:02

Presumably he was reported to the police and he pleaded not guilty and yet the police decided to charge , a jury convicted him and he received a custodial sentence (albeit suspended )
I’d guess it was hardly an innocent mistake and a lot more serious than he’s making out.