Page 4 | Would you continue to see him if you found this out?

Highlightnight · 2025-12-03T17:31:50+00:00

So I have found out that the guy I have been seeing got a suspended sentence for having sex with an under age girl many years ago. He was early 20s and she was 15. He claims he did not know her age and she looked a lot older. Would you continue to see him?

Pieceofpurplesky · 03/12/2025 20:01

It was pretty normal for 15 year olds to date older men when I was a teenager. I dated a 23 and a 21 year old at that age.
Its a different age now though so depends when it was I guess.

As an aside someone I know was in the same situation as the girl he was dating (he was 22) was 15 but he has met her in a nightclub and she said she was 19. They dated for a while before her parents found out and he was arrested. He genuinely had no clue and none of his friends questioned her age as she looked and acted much older than 15.

wrongthinker · 03/12/2025 20:03

How did it end up in court? And he got a suspended sentence?

I would say steer clear of this one. He sounds well dodgy.

Elle771 · 03/12/2025 20:07

Owly11 · 03/12/2025 17:39

Nope not a chance in hell. He will be minimising the real story so you would be with a sex offender and a liar.

This. You dont get to court and a suspended sentence for "consensual" or "mistaken age" sex with that age gap. For it to go to court the victim would have had to support prosecution, give evidence themselves AND there would have been corroborating additional evidence. Only 4% of such cases even make it to sentencing so for him to be one of them there is absolutely no way it will be however he has made it out to you.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 03/12/2025 20:07

Pieceofpurplesky · 03/12/2025 20:01

It was pretty normal for 15 year olds to date older men when I was a teenager. I dated a 23 and a 21 year old at that age.
Its a different age now though so depends when it was I guess.

As an aside someone I know was in the same situation as the girl he was dating (he was 22) was 15 but he has met her in a nightclub and she said she was 19. They dated for a while before her parents found out and he was arrested. He genuinely had no clue and none of his friends questioned her age as she looked and acted much older than 15.

Except she was the only 19 year old that still had to go to secondary school…

JadedVeryJaded · 03/12/2025 20:09

No. Do you really need to ask?

Ntinchnc · 03/12/2025 20:13

People should be more careful sharing personal stories on a thread like this. I suspect it's someone purposefully fishing for such stories.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 03/12/2025 20:13

No even if it was years ago. Did he tell you?

MannersAreAll · 03/12/2025 20:15

I would walk away because of how unusual it was many years ago for a man of 20 to be convicted for having sex with a 15 year old.

When I was 15/16 it was accepted as almost normal that lots of girls would have boyfriends of 18-24.

To get to the point of conviction and getting a suspended sentence sounds like considerably more to it than having consensual sex with a 15yo he thought was older.

Even one of my teachers who had sex with a pupil only got a caution (and lost his job but went to work in a different school later!).

TheHillIsMine · 03/12/2025 20:17

Obviously not.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 03/12/2025 20:18

Fuck no.

Think about it: If he knew her in the context of her actual life, he HAD to be able to assess her true age. Her class in school, her parents, her other friends, her hobbies and activities, etc. all would be a dead giveway that she wasn't 18 or 19.

So either he knew and didn't care, or he didn't really know her and was just shagging the first teen that would let him, in a car or the woods or wherever.

What does that say about him?

Cucy · 03/12/2025 20:20

I used to lie about my age all of the time.

I know someone who had a ONS with a ‘woman’ he met in a nightclub for over 18s, she then later accused him of taking advantage as she was under 16. He was in a relationship and she was jealous.
He never asked her age as she was ‘obviously’ over 18 and had assumed the bouncers had checked her ID.

This alone would not make me stop seeing him. I would try and get the facts and like any man, keep an eye out for any other red flags.

MaggiesShadow · 03/12/2025 20:20

Why do you ask, @Highlightnight ? What are your own thoughts?

MaggiesShadow · 03/12/2025 20:22

Cucy · 03/12/2025 20:20

I used to lie about my age all of the time.

I know someone who had a ONS with a ‘woman’ he met in a nightclub for over 18s, she then later accused him of taking advantage as she was under 16. He was in a relationship and she was jealous.
He never asked her age as she was ‘obviously’ over 18 and had assumed the bouncers had checked her ID.

This alone would not make me stop seeing him. I would try and get the facts and like any man, keep an eye out for any other red flags.

Nobody gets a suspended sentence for a one night stand with someone who managed to get into an over 18s nightclub and I don't think anyone benefits from downplaying something like this.

Overthemhills · 03/12/2025 20:22

Look - whatever anyone did by choice themselves (pp I mean) is one thing. Your ex boyfriends don’t have a suspended sentence, do they?
This guy does.
OP - if you are genuinely asking. No. I would never speak to him again.

Blogswife · 03/12/2025 20:23

No. Is he still on the sex offenders register ?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/12/2025 20:27

Ahfiddlesticks · 03/12/2025 18:14

Depends how long ago.

I'm 42 and if the bloke was my age or older then I wouldn't be so bothered as when I was 15, dating men in their 20s was pretty normal.

If he's younger than 36 though, I'd say definitely not.

I'm 52. No, it wasn't.

We cringed at anything over 18 - in their 20s? Gross - and the bloke at my Saturday job who got his 15 year old girlfriend pregnant was taken out the back of the warehouse by the other male staff and given very strong instructions to never go anywhere near the Saturday girls or he'd have more to deal with.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 03/12/2025 20:29

Pieceofpurplesky · 03/12/2025 20:01

It was pretty normal for 15 year olds to date older men when I was a teenager. I dated a 23 and a 21 year old at that age.
Its a different age now though so depends when it was I guess.

As an aside someone I know was in the same situation as the girl he was dating (he was 22) was 15 but he has met her in a nightclub and she said she was 19. They dated for a while before her parents found out and he was arrested. He genuinely had no clue and none of his friends questioned her age as she looked and acted much older than 15.

They dated for a while, and this man in his twenties never twigged that she was a child? She must have been a very accomplished liar if she was talking believably about being at work or university instead of school, if he never questioned why she didn’t drive, why she never let him in the house, why her friends were all schoolchildren…

He either knew, or he was wilfully ignorant.

XenoBitch · 03/12/2025 20:30

It depends. Did he know? I know some wont want to hear it, but some young people do like to pretend they are older than they are and go to nightclubs etc (yet reveal their true age to get a cheap bus there).

In my gothy clubbing days, there was a regular who was 15. She had fake ID and even managed to DJ a few nights. The people who knew her real age were always warning men off of her (and they listened, thankfully they erred on the side of caution). She was always upset but she was a kid FFS.
When I was in my early 20s, me and a friend went to a rock club and my friend (same age as me) went off snogging some guy. He then admitted he was 14. She was absolutely mortified.

TheHillIsMine · 03/12/2025 20:30

LemaxObsessive · 03/12/2025 18:27

Good god no! I accidentally hit YANBU and can’t change my vote but you absolutely would be unreasonable if you continued dating him!

You can change your vote. You click on the one you meant.

SexyFrenchDepression · 03/12/2025 20:31

SuperGinger · 03/12/2025 18:48

I feel this is quite common. I knew a bloke years ago who was traumatised after he realised the girl he had met and had sex with was 15, it was at a sports club party, ie an adult party.

Show quote history

This happened to a friend of mine, he was 19, in a pub, she was drinking in there. He had no idea. Her parents found out and reported him. He had to carry it round forever due to his career as had to disclose it on his enhanced DBS. I think it is not so common now as its much harder to get in anywhere underage.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/12/2025 20:31

He won't be telling you the truth op, he will have fabricated a spiel just close enough to the truth but not including the really horrible bits about why he was convicted.
Do you know how hard it is to convict for crimes like this.

I wouldn't have anything to do with him again and if you're on the fence have a think about being in contact with a sex offender, this will affect your job, your relationships with other people, if you were my sister I'd not allow you in my home or around my children.

Don't be daft op, he's an offender, they manipulate and scheme everyone around them for many reasons including gaining access to children or just using you as a facade to appear " normal "

whiteroseredrose · 03/12/2025 20:35

Would give me the ick.

Naunet · 03/12/2025 20:37

There's no chance he went to court for having 'consensual' sex with a 15 year old.

Bluebluetuesday · 03/12/2025 20:39

Fuck no. I'd lose my job and professional registration if I was in a relationship with a RSO, but besides that, just no.

Newyearawaits · 03/12/2025 20:49

Goditsmemargaret · 03/12/2025 17:41

Actually I might because I was the 15 year old in this scenario once. He was 24 and he absolutely did not realise, he thought I was 18 or 19. He was horrified when he realised and that was the end of us. I was heartbroken.

This, it happens