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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you continue to see him if you found this out?

212 replies

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 17:31

So I have found out that the guy I have been seeing got a suspended sentence for having sex with an under age girl many years ago. He was early 20s and she was 15. He claims he did not know her age and she looked a lot older. Would you continue to see him?

OP posts:
JHound · 03/12/2025 21:58

CheeseIsMyIdol · 03/12/2025 20:52

Not if the 24-year-old man performs due diligence.

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They would never perform due diligence because it may prevent them getting their dicks wet.

JHound · 03/12/2025 22:00

Elle771 · 03/12/2025 20:07

This. You dont get to court and a suspended sentence for "consensual" or "mistaken age" sex with that age gap. For it to go to court the victim would have had to support prosecution, give evidence themselves AND there would have been corroborating additional evidence. Only 4% of such cases even make it to sentencing so for him to be one of them there is absolutely no way it will be however he has made it out to you.

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This also went through my head. He is clearly lying somewhere. If she just saw it as a consensual relationship with an older man, like hell would she support prosecution.

HRTQueen · 03/12/2025 22:04

Absolutely not

I find it really sad that any women would believe his lie

Icecreamisthebest · 03/12/2025 22:07

Its not the age of the girl you should be worried about. Its the conviction.

As others have pointed out a conviction for sexual assault is incredibly hard to get.

The question should be would I continue to date a convicted sex offender. And no I would not

Original poster
Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 22:13

@Highlightnight I don't want to be outing but he was 25 at the time and he met her at an over 18s event. A new law was introduced in 2003. Apparently if it happened after that he would not have been convicted.

OP posts:
snackatack · 03/12/2025 22:17

LemaxObsessive · 03/12/2025 18:27

Good god no! I accidentally hit YANBU and can’t change my vote but you absolutely would be unreasonable if you continued dating him!

You CAN change your vote - just click on the other box

Bogofftosomewherehot · 03/12/2025 22:23

You said in your original post that he was early 20's - NO - he was 25!!
Sounds like you're already making excuses for him.
He was 10 years older than her.
Disgusting excuse for a human being.
You wouldn't see me for dust I'd be out of there so quickly.

HRTQueen · 03/12/2025 22:25

So he had lots of excuses no surprise there

I think you know op he is lying

this will always play on your mind

TomatoSandwiches · 03/12/2025 22:32

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 22:13

@Highlightnight I don't want to be outing but he was 25 at the time and he met her at an over 18s event. A new law was introduced in 2003. Apparently if it happened after that he would not have been convicted.

Oh, Oh, let me guess...

She maliciously accused him because when he found out her age he didn't want a relationship with her so she reported him for revenge.... am I close?

Poor poor man, such a victim of timing and circumstance 🙄

ISpyNoPlumPie · 03/12/2025 22:34

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 22:13

@Highlightnight I don't want to be outing but he was 25 at the time and he met her at an over 18s event. A new law was introduced in 2003. Apparently if it happened after that he would not have been convicted.

It is still statutory rape. He might have used as his defence post 2003 that he believed her to be 16 years of age or over but, well, to state the obvious, she wasn’t. What steps did it take to assure himself that she was 16 or over? An 16yo attending an 18+ event is not entirely unprecedented or surprising so hardly a reasonable defence (in my mind).

Honestly can’t think of any good reason to date a rapist who is on the sex offenders register. Hi mum please meet my boyfriend, he raped a girl once. Oh hi sis! Let me introduce my sex offender boyfriend to your children! Do you have a job? Do you have/want children. If this decision isn’t obvious well JFC, I don’t know anymore…

Edited for clarity

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 03/12/2025 22:42

‘Met her at an over 18s event’ is a pathetic excuse.

Like many PPs i went to pubs and clubs underage in the late 90s. The bouncers who let us knew full well we were underage. They let us in precisely because the adult men who went liked having plenty of young girls there. Everyone knew these places were full of kids!

ConstitutionHill · 03/12/2025 22:52

No.

KindCompassion · 03/12/2025 22:57

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 22:13

@Highlightnight I don't want to be outing but he was 25 at the time and he met her at an over 18s event. A new law was introduced in 2003. Apparently if it happened after that he would not have been convicted.

I posted about this recently. If he fucked a 15 year old pre 2004 he cannot be convicted if it was reported after 12 months. Disgusting laws written by child rapists.

Pieceofpurplesky · 03/12/2025 23:16

ISpyNoPlumPie · 03/12/2025 20:07

Except she was the only 19 year old that still had to go to secondary school…

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Oh no I totally get it - but nobody thought to ask as she talked about her work in a pub. I am not condoning him at all but he really didn't know. I only ever saw pictures of them.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 03/12/2025 23:21

But how did it even go to court for him to get found guilty if it was an obviously defensible mistake and she told him she was 18? Who then reported it to the police? Things don’t add up.

Pieceofpurplesky · 03/12/2025 23:22

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 03/12/2025 20:29

They dated for a while, and this man in his twenties never twigged that she was a child? She must have been a very accomplished liar if she was talking believably about being at work or university instead of school, if he never questioned why she didn’t drive, why she never let him in the house, why her friends were all schoolchildren…

He either knew, or he was wilfully ignorant.

Edited
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My son is 21 and his girlfriend 22 - neither of them drive. Lots of teens don't as it's bloody expensive.

She was with her friends in the club where they met. They met up with them a few times in a pub. She talked about her job as a waitress in a pub so I guess that covered that.
I wouldn't expect meet parents in a relationship of a couple of months.

Again, I don't condone it at all but he genuinely didn't know. They probably met up about 8/9 times in a couple of months.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 03/12/2025 23:28

Pieceofpurplesky · 03/12/2025 23:22

My son is 21 and his girlfriend 22 - neither of them drive. Lots of teens don't as it's bloody expensive.

She was with her friends in the club where they met. They met up with them a few times in a pub. She talked about her job as a waitress in a pub so I guess that covered that.
I wouldn't expect meet parents in a relationship of a couple of months.

Again, I don't condone it at all but he genuinely didn't know. They probably met up about 8/9 times in a couple of months.

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Assume that 22 is a typo - how old was she?

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 03/12/2025 23:31

There is a big difference in maturity between a 15 year old and someone in their early 20s. Its not impossible he thought she was older but it's more likely that he had a good idea she was a good bit younger. Think when you were in secondary school for example. Would you notice a difference between first years and leaving certs. Would you have mistaken a first year for a leaving cert student for example. Could you have accidentally dated a guy who was years younger at that age without realising

Shedeboodinia · 03/12/2025 23:37

Hmm, at 15 many, many of my friends were going to pubs and clubs and saying we were 18 to all and sundry. This was in the 90s and it was pretty normal. I went to an all girls school and literally everyone in my year was out most weekends frequenting pubs and snogging boys/men and drinking with our fake Ids. So if he is from that era, its quite possible he did not know she did tell him she was 18 at the time and maybe her parents found out and got him arrested.
Or maybe not, but how could you find out?

HRTQueen · 03/12/2025 23:43

Yes many of us did have older boyfriends and were pretending we were older

and people KNEW we were pretending but why let that get in the way of disgusting men wanting sex with underage girls

sadly op this man’s manipulation is already working on you, you have already down played his age and fallen for his excuses

please wise up

EleanorReally · 04/12/2025 06:33

so he is in his 40s now?
i guess he hasnt had any more convictions

ViolaChomp · 04/12/2025 06:48

Hard no.

thepariscrimefiles · 04/12/2025 07:41

No, I definitely wouldn't continue to see him. Predatory men will always use the 'she didn't look 15' excuse when having sex with an underage girl. If it went to court, there would have been evidence provided that he knew she was under age and he was obviously found guilty, even if his sentence was suspended.

thepariscrimefiles · 04/12/2025 07:47

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 22:13

@Highlightnight I don't want to be outing but he was 25 at the time and he met her at an over 18s event. A new law was introduced in 2003. Apparently if it happened after that he would not have been convicted.

So he was 25 and had sex with a 15-year old girl, ten years younger than him. Even before 2003, it would have been illegal for an adult male to have sex with a minor. You seem to think that he was unfairly convicted on a technicality rather than being disgusted that he had sex with an under-aged girl.

crazeekat · 04/12/2025 08:19

Not a hope in hell that’s what u know about him what has he done that he didnt get caught out from? Stay away
especially if u have kids