Page 8 | Would you continue to see him if you found this out?

Highlightnight · 2025-12-03T17:31:50+00:00

So I have found out that the guy I have been seeing got a suspended sentence for having sex with an under age girl many years ago. He was early 20s and she was 15. He claims he did not know her age and she looked a lot older. Would you continue to see him?

99bottlesofkombucha · 04/12/2025 23:58

Laura95167 · 04/12/2025 22:49

I was going to stop at no!!! Like most responders but wondered if youd benefit from thinking about this:

Do you realise how hard it is for a man to get a criminal conviction for sex with a girl over the age of statutory rape (12 I think in the UK) but under 16 if it was "consensual"? Do you know in the law there is a bit which states if the child is over 13 and under 16 but you could reasonably believe they were over 16 thats a defence - that he tried and got found guilty anyway? Im not convinced of his version of events. Not at all.

Early 20s - is that 21 or 25? Because honestly older he was the worse it gets. If you are even remotely tempted to overlook this.. make a Claires law request.. heck maybe even Google his name.

While I fully believe someone might not realise a girl was 15, I think this too- it just doesn’t add up that his story is true and resulted in a conviction.

Montyman1 · 05/12/2025 00:14

99bottlesofkombucha · 04/12/2025 23:56

This is rubbish. I regularly look at the match before or after our kids and have a discussion with other mums about what age group they are, and then when you actually meet them some kids definitely act old, and particularly girls when dressing up and going out.

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Girls (and boys) acting older will happen until the end of time but being a SO because of taking advantage of a situation is the choice of a predator. Whether the prey is young enough to gain a conviction is just happenstance.

Moortown · 05/12/2025 00:21

Honestly this was pretty commonplace behaviour in the 90s when I was that age. Girls would actively want an older boyfriend with a car etc. We were full of hormones and knew exactly what we were doing. My first serious boyfriend was 19, I was 15. He refused to have sex with me until my 16th birthday, but honestly at that stage him sticking his knob in me was just a formality, things had already got pretty steamy. Apart from in the eyes of the law, it wouldn’t have made the blindest bit of difference if we’d had sex a day, a week or a month before I turned 16. And I wouldn’t expect that our relationship is something that ever plays on his mind or makes him feel bad, nor does it me.

So yeah, depends on context. If similar to described above, no. The age of consent is arbitrary, and a social construct that varies across the world. If it was a vulnerable girl who he was grooming then yes.

Montyman1 · 05/12/2025 00:43

Moortown · 05/12/2025 00:21

Honestly this was pretty commonplace behaviour in the 90s when I was that age. Girls would actively want an older boyfriend with a car etc. We were full of hormones and knew exactly what we were doing. My first serious boyfriend was 19, I was 15. He refused to have sex with me until my 16th birthday, but honestly at that stage him sticking his knob in me was just a formality, things had already got pretty steamy. Apart from in the eyes of the law, it wouldn’t have made the blindest bit of difference if we’d had sex a day, a week or a month before I turned 16. And I wouldn’t expect that our relationship is something that ever plays on his mind or makes him feel bad, nor does it me.

So yeah, depends on context. If similar to described above, no. The age of consent is arbitrary, and a social construct that varies across the world. If it was a vulnerable girl who he was grooming then yes.

Yes it was commonplace, but the point is he got a conviction. A girl walking in to a police station with clothes ripped and hanging from her in the 90’s/00’s would’ve been hard pushed to get a conviction let alone a random man holding his hands up to say he unwittingly had a one night stand with a 15 year old when he was in his 20’s. Someone had to have reported the actions of what took place, AND had enough evidence to say he was at fault regardless of whether it took place at an over 18’s event or a teenage disco. For you, why is it the behaviour of the child at 15 the issue rather than the man of 20 odd?

The age of consent plays no part here - he was convicted of a crime, if she or her family didn’t think it was a crime, it wouldn’t have been reported, let alone resulted in a conviction. And if it was a genuine ‘arbitrary’ mistake/lack of prior knowledge on the age of consent it wouldn’t have gotten as far as the steps of a courtroom , let alone resulted in a conviction?

I say this as someone married with two children 8 years my senior, together since I was 17. We always knew what age we were and whether it was something that should have been judged in a courtroom. You can appreciate his honesty, but is the honesty a result of genuine ‘oh I was wrongly convicted’ or ‘oh, you’re going to see my name in a news/courts search’. If it reached a courtroom, there was something wrong.

Coconutter24 · 05/12/2025 06:52

99bottlesofkombucha · 04/12/2025 23:56

This is rubbish. I regularly look at the match before or after our kids and have a discussion with other mums about what age group they are, and then when you actually meet them some kids definitely act old, and particularly girls when dressing up and going out.

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Plus if a girl is made up to look older and at an 18+ event (which they were) it’s believable he thought she was 18+

foxinasnowstorm · 05/12/2025 06:56

No, why would I won’t to?! He is vile person with little morals. I was groomed at a similar age and I’m still suffering with mental health issues.

CagneyNYPD1 · 05/12/2025 07:25

He’s bullshitting you.

So many women who are now in their 40s and 50s will tell you that between 15-17, we had boyfriends in their early 20s. I did. I was 15 and he was 21. It was seen as a badge of honour for us girls. It is seen very differently now but in the 80s and 90s, it was quite common.

So the thought of the police actually charging him for sex with a 15 year old, no violence and he thought she was over 16…no chance. Not in those days. He probably wouldn’t have been arrested but if he had, it would have gone NFA or a caution. A suspended sentence means he went to court. No way.

There is much, much more to this @Highlightnight

Laura95167 · 05/12/2025 07:51

99bottlesofkombucha · 04/12/2025 23:58

While I fully believe someone might not realise a girl was 15, I think this too- it just doesn’t add up that his story is true and resulted in a conviction.

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I agree and while I believe he might possibly have believed she was 17 or 18 at a push she didnt look 23 and and theres a reason a 25 year old man is pursuing a woman in her teens.

(And while i also believe a 15 year may look older, i dont think girls of the 90s looked as old at 15 as some of them are theyre convinced they did, im more convinced that if they said the right things regarding their age to some men, there were those who didnt care.

And I once was on a bus c. 2007 and remembering men about 25 saying to each other, "remember lads, if you dont ask her age its not illegal" horrifying to hear)

PigeonsandSquirrels · 05/12/2025 10:16

No. There is a defence in court for those who have engaged in sexual activity with a child of 13-15years that argues that the defendant had reason to believe they were over 16. Clearly, as he was convicted, the court was not convinced that this was the case. Probably because 15 year olds are very clearly and obviously not adults and he was 20.

Laura95167 · 05/12/2025 13:26

PigeonsandSquirrels · 05/12/2025 10:16

No. There is a defence in court for those who have engaged in sexual activity with a child of 13-15years that argues that the defendant had reason to believe they were over 16. Clearly, as he was convicted, the court was not convinced that this was the case. Probably because 15 year olds are very clearly and obviously not adults and he was 20.

OP said he was 25..

PigeonsandSquirrels · 05/12/2025 13:27

Laura95167 · 05/12/2025 13:26

OP said he was 25..

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Even worse. Also not early 20s like she said then… she’s likely trying to convince herself it’s not as bad as it is. ‘Early 20s’ but means a full grown mid-20s adult man. SMH.

HeadyLamarr · 05/12/2025 13:35

A 25yo man having sex with a young teenage girl? Oh hell no. She's a child for god's sake. I'd throw this one back, OP

SchrodingersParrot · 05/12/2025 14:03

Did she tell him she was older?

WelshRabBite · 05/12/2025 15:04

Nooooo. Not dating nonces is a pretty basic boundary.

LeedsLoiner · 05/12/2025 15:35

So no one on here got dressed up on a Friday or Saturday night aged 15/16 and went out to the pub or clubbing and pretended to be 18 or older ?
Back in my student days my then girlfriends younger sister came to stay with us for a couple of weeks - she was 13 at the time.
We wanted to go to the pub but didn't want to leave her alone in the house (in the days when pubs didn't allow children in), so my girlfriend did her make up, lent her some clothes, topped off with one of my leather jackets.
We took her to the pub with strict instructions to walk in with us, be quiet and don't go near the bar area.
Not only did she sail past the bouncers without comment, I had to spend half the night fending off various men who were offering her drinks/trying to chat her up.

sprigatito · 05/12/2025 15:36

LeedsLoiner · 05/12/2025 15:35

So no one on here got dressed up on a Friday or Saturday night aged 15/16 and went out to the pub or clubbing and pretended to be 18 or older ?
Back in my student days my then girlfriends younger sister came to stay with us for a couple of weeks - she was 13 at the time.
We wanted to go to the pub but didn't want to leave her alone in the house (in the days when pubs didn't allow children in), so my girlfriend did her make up, lent her some clothes, topped off with one of my leather jackets.
We took her to the pub with strict instructions to walk in with us, be quiet and don't go near the bar area.
Not only did she sail past the bouncers without comment, I had to spend half the night fending off various men who were offering her drinks/trying to chat her up.

And a lot of them were sleazebags who knew full well she was underage.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 05/12/2025 15:40

Nope

MincePudding · 05/12/2025 15:40

Strange how 25 year old women never seem to accidentally shag 15 year old boys.

HRTQueen · 05/12/2025 15:44

LeedsLoiner · 05/12/2025 15:35

So no one on here got dressed up on a Friday or Saturday night aged 15/16 and went out to the pub or clubbing and pretended to be 18 or older ?
Back in my student days my then girlfriends younger sister came to stay with us for a couple of weeks - she was 13 at the time.
We wanted to go to the pub but didn't want to leave her alone in the house (in the days when pubs didn't allow children in), so my girlfriend did her make up, lent her some clothes, topped off with one of my leather jackets.
We took her to the pub with strict instructions to walk in with us, be quiet and don't go near the bar area.
Not only did she sail past the bouncers without comment, I had to spend half the night fending off various men who were offering her drinks/trying to chat her up.

Yes my friends and I often did

We were not fooling anyone we just believed in our naïve innocence that we did

HRTQueen · 05/12/2025 15:50

LeedsLoiner read your post again

doesn't that tell you how many predatory men there are about

taxguru · 05/12/2025 15:50

Nope, wouldn't touch him with a bargepole.

andweallsingalong · 05/12/2025 16:00

As others have said he is not telling the whole truth.

Get a Claire's Law and get rid.

andweallsingalong · 05/12/2025 16:10

Hmmmm, if I am reading this right until 2001 the law didn't really care about sexual activity with a child over 14 and even after then the maximum sentence for the most extreme cases was 2 years.

https://sentencingcouncil.org.uk/guidelines/sexual-offences-historical/

Sexual offences - historical

https://sentencingcouncil.org.uk/guidelines/sexual-offences-historical

HeadyLamarr · 05/12/2025 16:14

I had to spend half the night fending off various men who were offering her drinks/trying to chat her up.

Which should tell you plenty about the revolting men out there. Of whom the OP's recent boyfriend was one.

Yes we got dolled up and went out. No, we didn't fool anyone, but we thought we were. No, a 25 year old should never be hitting on a 15 year old, no matter how made us she is. And he sure as hell shouldn't be shagging her.

mistletoeandandpie · 05/12/2025 16:31

As a mum of two teen girls I would hope nobody would go near him again if he did that to one of mine. 15 is so vulnerable.