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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you continue to see him if you found this out?

212 replies

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 17:31

So I have found out that the guy I have been seeing got a suspended sentence for having sex with an under age girl many years ago. He was early 20s and she was 15. He claims he did not know her age and she looked a lot older. Would you continue to see him?

OP posts:
PinkFootstool · 03/12/2025 18:18

Absolutely fucking not.

Once a sex offender, always a sex offender in my book. Utterly untrustworthy.

Meadowfinch · 03/12/2025 18:18

So he was 7 or 8 years older then her. That's old enough to know better.

No I wouldn't.

AnotherDayDawns · 03/12/2025 18:18

no

Notashamed13 · 03/12/2025 18:20

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 17:31

So I have found out that the guy I have been seeing got a suspended sentence for having sex with an under age girl many years ago. He was early 20s and she was 15. He claims he did not know her age and she looked a lot older. Would you continue to see him?

How did you find out? Personally I think it's a bit icky.

blankcanvas3 · 03/12/2025 18:20

Probably if it was years and years ago. I was 15 and slept with a guy in his early twenties, he had no idea and thought I was 18. I had a fake ID and everything.

StewkeyBlue · 03/12/2025 18:23

Goditsmemargaret · 03/12/2025 17:41

Actually I might because I was the 15 year old in this scenario once. He was 24 and he absolutely did not realise, he thought I was 18 or 19. He was horrified when he realised and that was the end of us. I was heartbroken.

But did you go to the police? Was he charged?

This guy was so we can probably surmise that he is minimising what happened in some way.

It is a long time since sex that a 15 yo ‘consents’ to resulted in a prison sentence. And a suspended sentence is a prison sentence held in suspension , it’s a serious conviction.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 03/12/2025 18:23

No

I would also think hes lying and downplaying the situation

Notashamed13 · 03/12/2025 18:23

blankcanvas3 · 03/12/2025 18:20

Probably if it was years and years ago. I was 15 and slept with a guy in his early twenties, he had no idea and thought I was 18. I had a fake ID and everything.

Similar here. Although something must have been reported (I never did nor wanted to) which kinda makes it very different.

PinkFootstool · 03/12/2025 18:26

Sex offenders are also highly highly manipulative. I'd doubt that he's telling the truth tbh. They consistently downplay their own behaviours and limit their responsibility for their own actions.

This is a standard line they use - not their fault, trapped by the girl, couldn't have known etc then you find out they picked her up from school whilst she's in uniform, celebrated her 14th birthday with her and know her parents or similar creepy stuff.

Createausername1970 · 03/12/2025 18:26

Being older, and being in my mid/late teens in the 70s/80s - this was a fairly common scenario.

So for me personally, if the bloke was older like me then it wouldn't worry me as that was his norm at that age.

A friend's 15 year old looks like a 15 year old in her school uniform. But out of school, with make-up, clothes, hair, huge long lashes, pouty expression etc., you would be hard pushed to identify her age and she looks no different to the 20 year old I work with.

LemaxObsessive · 03/12/2025 18:27

Good god no! I accidentally hit YANBU and can’t change my vote but you absolutely would be unreasonable if you continued dating him!

Egglio · 03/12/2025 18:36

Even when this was more socially acceptable or taking into account those who are saying 15 year olds look older or lie about their age, this hasn't usually resulted in a suspended sentence. So what is he omitting to tell you OP?

JustMe2026 · 03/12/2025 18:40

Why do you even need to ask such a thing!

Winterwonderwhy · 03/12/2025 18:42

Unless I was desperate and would date any man to just date then I would.
otherwise no.

TheEllisGreyMethod · 03/12/2025 18:45

Absolutely not, and the fact it resulted in a suspended sentence tells me there was more to it. Did he tell you?

Konstantine8364 · 03/12/2025 18:47

As far as I'm aware and especially years ago, consensual sexual relationships between a 15 year and 21/22 year old aren't/weren't prosecuted in the UK, even if it is illegal.

So I think on the basis he was prosecuted, it wasn't consensual in some way so it would be a huge no from me.

SuperGinger · 03/12/2025 18:48

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 03/12/2025 18:16

I could have easily passed for 18 at 13 years old let alone 15. I also quite frequently lied about my age! So no i wouldn’t judge him on this if it was a one off that has never happened since.

I feel this is quite common. I knew a bloke years ago who was traumatised after he realised the girl he had met and had sex with was 15, it was at a sports club party, ie an adult party.

Rosiestraws · 03/12/2025 18:50

StewkeyBlue · 03/12/2025 18:23

But did you go to the police? Was he charged?

This guy was so we can probably surmise that he is minimising what happened in some way.

It is a long time since sex that a 15 yo ‘consents’ to resulted in a prison sentence. And a suspended sentence is a prison sentence held in suspension , it’s a serious conviction.

Show quote history

finally someone making this point

It's not so much the fact he DID it (could be a genuine mistake or whatever) but its the fact he was prosecuted and received a custodial sentence (Albeit suspended). That indicates they thought there was culpability there and not that he didn't know she was underage...Clearly he either DID know or the judge/jury didn't accept that it was believable he didn't know AND they decided it warranted that punishment....

Userengage · 03/12/2025 18:53

No.

loveawineloveacrisp · 03/12/2025 18:54

Fuck no.

EleanorReally · 03/12/2025 18:56

it depends on his attitude, his remorse, if any.
he thought she was what age?

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 03/12/2025 19:01

It’s pretty rare for cases of statutory rape to be prosecuted. There is more to this than he is telling you. I would run.

Pearlmaster500 · 03/12/2025 19:04

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 03/12/2025 18:16

I could have easily passed for 18 at 13 years old let alone 15. I also quite frequently lied about my age! So no i wouldn’t judge him on this if it was a one off that has never happened since.

Me too I was very much like this! Also going to clubs and raves at about 14

Come to think of it if was him being noncey would he have told you openly?

Donttellempike · 03/12/2025 19:10

It is a Defence if you as an adult , if 24 or under reasonably believe the person was 16 when you have sex with them

So he is lying as this Defence was not accepted.

BigFenianEnergy · 03/12/2025 19:10

It’s quite difficult to be honest. My first reaction is disgust, there are plenty of fish in the sea and to throw this one back. However, more rationally - How many years ago? When I was that age, it was relatively normal to have an older boyfriend. Some of my friends had long term relationships with boys over 20 and their parents were ok with it. I also know girls that have said they were older - again relatively normal. That was 2000-2003. After that it seemed to even out.