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Original poster

Would you continue to see him if you found this out?

212 replies

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 17:31

So I have found out that the guy I have been seeing got a suspended sentence for having sex with an under age girl many years ago. He was early 20s and she was 15. He claims he did not know her age and she looked a lot older. Would you continue to see him?

OP posts:
MID50s · 04/12/2025 08:19

This conviction will be on his record for a long time, it will stop him from getting certain jobs so if you are planning on making a future with him consider that he may get turned away from certain job roles.
he may even be on the children's barred list?
hard no from me snd I was the same in the 90’s snd used to lie about my age but this is wrong, he was 25!

IsItSnowing · 04/12/2025 08:19

He’s a convicted sex offender, so no I wouldn’t want anything to do with him.
There is no consensual sex with a child under 16. But if he genuinely didn’t know her age that would have been a defence but he was convicted so I don’t buy that.
Which means he’s still lying about it. So many red flags.
What can you possibly see in this low life that would let you overlook it?

Allisnotlost1 · 04/12/2025 08:52

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 22:13

@Highlightnight I don't want to be outing but he was 25 at the time and he met her at an over 18s event. A new law was introduced in 2003. Apparently if it happened after that he would not have been convicted.

This is my understanding too @Highlightnight

I think you should use your head and your gut to decide whether to continue. Things I’d take into consideration are: did he tell you himself and is he under any ongoing restrictions (eg SO register - I’d guess not if happened pre 03. How does he feel about it now would be a big thing for me.

People will judge if you tell them, and that’s understandable I guess. If it’s something you can’t get past then I think you should let it go now. But I don’t think it’s impossible if you feel confident about his behaviour now.

Squirrelmirrel2 · 04/12/2025 08:55

I would continue seeing him as long as there were no other red flags. My 15 year old friend dated a 22 year old for ages without him knowing she was under age. If this was a one off at an event she could easily have looked older.
When I was 21 I looked about 15, it's very hard to tell someone's age.
If he has KNOWN her age I would be answering very differently.

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 04/12/2025 09:30

This thread is an eye-opener.

Yes, it's really common for girls under 16 to look older than their age, have fake IDs, go to over-18s clubs, and sleep with adult men who may genuinely not know how old they are.

However, it's really rare for a case of statutory rape not only to be prosecuted, but to lead to a conviction AND a custodial sentence (albeit suspended). There must have been aggravating factors.

There is absolutely more to this than he has told the OP. I can only hope that the apologists on this thread are minimising the situation through simple ignorance.

HRTQueen · 04/12/2025 10:45

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 04/12/2025 09:30

This thread is an eye-opener.

Yes, it's really common for girls under 16 to look older than their age, have fake IDs, go to over-18s clubs, and sleep with adult men who may genuinely not know how old they are.

However, it's really rare for a case of statutory rape not only to be prosecuted, but to lead to a conviction AND a custodial sentence (albeit suspended). There must have been aggravating factors.

There is absolutely more to this than he has told the OP. I can only hope that the apologists on this thread are minimising the situation through simple ignorance.

I do no think it is common at all for men to be having sex with underage girls not knowing they are underage or possibly questioning they are and any decent man would back off straight away

I think its very common for men to want to have sex with underage girls, lets call it what it is rape, and will happily pretend they were fooled into thinking they were older

Predatory men are not stupid and extremely manipulative

Many children of 15 look older, spend a bit of time with them and you soon realise they are not

The down playing of predatory men who rape children on this thread is really depressing

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 04/12/2025 10:57

I was 15 when I lied and slept with a 19 year old. He absolutely didn't know. And it was shocking behaviour from me. I'd have hated it if he got in trouble for this. It would have been extremely unfair.

All depends on the circumstances for me.

FunMustard · 04/12/2025 19:23

15 with a 19 year old is very different to 15 and 25.

TheMorgenmuffel · 04/12/2025 19:24

no I would not.

MannersAreAll · 04/12/2025 22:28

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 04/12/2025 09:30

This thread is an eye-opener.

Yes, it's really common for girls under 16 to look older than their age, have fake IDs, go to over-18s clubs, and sleep with adult men who may genuinely not know how old they are.

However, it's really rare for a case of statutory rape not only to be prosecuted, but to lead to a conviction AND a custodial sentence (albeit suspended). There must have been aggravating factors.

There is absolutely more to this than he has told the OP. I can only hope that the apologists on this thread are minimising the situation through simple ignorance.

This is my take on it.

The chances of getting a case of a man having sex with a 15 year old into court is absolutely tiny. Even more so years ago.

Chances of getting a conviction even more tiny.

And men who give a shit about who they are fucking know. I had a full time job and lived alone at 16. I had basically brought myself up since the age of 12 when my Nana started getting dementia. I looked older, I acted older and my life appeared older. However, anyone that took more than ten mins to know me would know, you don't have to ask many questions to realise someone isn't the same age as you. Men that didn't bother asking any questions were the ones that didn't know.

YourOnMute · 04/12/2025 22:34

No.

Laura95167 · 04/12/2025 22:49

I was going to stop at no!!! Like most responders but wondered if youd benefit from thinking about this:

Do you realise how hard it is for a man to get a criminal conviction for sex with a girl over the age of statutory rape (12 I think in the UK) but under 16 if it was "consensual"? Do you know in the law there is a bit which states if the child is over 13 and under 16 but you could reasonably believe they were over 16 thats a defence - that he tried and got found guilty anyway? Im not convinced of his version of events. Not at all.

Early 20s - is that 21 or 25? Because honestly older he was the worse it gets. If you are even remotely tempted to overlook this.. make a Claires law request.. heck maybe even Google his name.

bakebeans · 04/12/2025 22:50

Ii think u need to ask questions. It’s interesting he has volunteered this information to you? It does make me wonder why because if it was so innocent you wouldn’t find out otherwise.

I had friends at school whom were Almost 16 and in relationships with 18+ year old lads. my friend who was due to turn 16 in the July had always planned to to lose her virginity on her 16th birthday (no idea why) however her parents booked a trip away so she arranged to see her boyfriend 2 weeks before (technically 15) to lose her virginity. Oh and she lied about her birthday to him

Laura95167 · 04/12/2025 22:57

Highlightnight · 03/12/2025 22:13

@Highlightnight I don't want to be outing but he was 25 at the time and he met her at an over 18s event. A new law was introduced in 2003. Apparently if it happened after that he would not have been convicted.

Well... he met her at an over 18s night and had sex with her.. when and how did he discover she was 15?

How did that lead to an arrest? If it was all "consentual" after a club?

If shes over 13, and he has evidence they met at an over 18s event he could use that as a defence.. but CPS proceeded and even with that info he was convicted?

And "oh well a new law in 2003 would make it ok now..." is like line 56 the perverts handbook of get out of jail free cards. Hes learnt that for his list of Excuses 101. This didnt happen because of a legal technicality, it happened because he had sex with a child. Something likely still on his record or he wouldnt have told you. Dont let him make excuses, quite frankly I think its excellent he got a conviction.

Laura95167 · 04/12/2025 23:05

Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 03/12/2025 18:16

I could have easily passed for 18 at 13 years old let alone 15. I also quite frequently lied about my age! So no i wouldn’t judge him on this if it was a one off that has never happened since.

If it was a one off and she lied about her age and "consented".. how did this get found out, he get arrested, CPS decide to proceed and get a custodial sentence (even if its a suspended one)?

Baring in mind if you have evidence to support that he reasonably suspected she was at least 16 thats a defence. A defence hes given to OP but either the judge or jury found against...

The chances of a successful conviction if this went down the way hes told OP are teeny tiny

EmiliaPresident · 04/12/2025 23:05

Nope. This is a story as old as time. They are usually younger.

Laura95167 · 04/12/2025 23:10

BigFenianEnergy · 03/12/2025 19:10

It’s quite difficult to be honest. My first reaction is disgust, there are plenty of fish in the sea and to throw this one back. However, more rationally - How many years ago? When I was that age, it was relatively normal to have an older boyfriend. Some of my friends had long term relationships with boys over 20 and their parents were ok with it. I also know girls that have said they were older - again relatively normal. That was 2000-2003. After that it seemed to even out.

How many of those examples lead to a custodial sentence though...

Montyman1 · 04/12/2025 23:11

Despite any law being introduced if it was a truly consensual act then there wouldn’t have been any report of improper behaviour and therefore no conviction. He’s likely a creep who has been getting away with creep behaviour since because the recipients of the creepiness have been over the age of consent.

Even if it did happen at an over 18’s event, she obviously felt a need to report his behaviour so whatever age she was it doesn’t matter.

I would have also passed for 18 at the age of 13, but I knew if I was in a situation of my own making or whether I was being taken advantage of. The 15 year old must’ve felt she was being taken advantage of regardless of whether he was 16 or 26 at the time.

Montyman1 · 04/12/2025 23:13

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 04/12/2025 09:30

This thread is an eye-opener.

Yes, it's really common for girls under 16 to look older than their age, have fake IDs, go to over-18s clubs, and sleep with adult men who may genuinely not know how old they are.

However, it's really rare for a case of statutory rape not only to be prosecuted, but to lead to a conviction AND a custodial sentence (albeit suspended). There must have been aggravating factors.

There is absolutely more to this than he has told the OP. I can only hope that the apologists on this thread are minimising the situation through simple ignorance.

This, absolutely this. The apologists are out in force - all they’re short of saying is ‘she must’ve been asking for it’.

Laura95167 · 04/12/2025 23:18

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 03/12/2025 19:24

And it seems like he did not knowingly commit statutory rape.

Show quote history

The child has to be under 13 for statutory rape.

He says oh.. I didnt know. But if it was a relationship he would know eventually.. if it was a one off and "consensual" how did he get caught? And considering, I mistook her for a person 16+, is a defence if the child is between 13 and 16 how did he end up with a custodial sentence if it was just like he told OP.

I find it wild that people are like well at 15 I had sex, and he said he didnt know she was 15, men didn't know when I was 15... its fine. Its not fine. Theres something off for him to have had a prison sentence.. id be interesting to know how long he had that suspended sentence for and if hes on the SOR

Strictlycomeparent · 04/12/2025 23:27

No. Absolutely not.

Robogob · 04/12/2025 23:53

Not a chance in hell would I date a sex offender.

fucit · 04/12/2025 23:55

wtf no

goshness · 04/12/2025 23:56

I might possibly as I know someone who was in the same situation and he genuinely didn’t know. But I’d need to see court transcripts or some kind of evidence to double check he’s telling the truth. He could well be minimising it and the truth could be far worse.

99bottlesofkombucha · 04/12/2025 23:56

Coconutter24 · 03/12/2025 17:45

You’ve never met a 15 year old that couldn’t pass for 16, really?

Show quote history

This is rubbish. I regularly look at the match before or after our kids and have a discussion with other mums about what age group they are, and then when you actually meet them some kids definitely act old, and particularly girls when dressing up and going out.