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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH called DD annoying and it’s made me feel really sad

728 replies

GugiGi · 30/11/2025 01:47

DH and I have 3 children, DS1 who is 19, DD1 is 16 and DD2 is 12.
DD1 is a live wire, she has such an incredibly vibrant personality, never stops, wakes up every morning and does a workout in our home gym, showers and by the time any of the rest of us make it downstairs she is already in the kitchen making an omelette or porridge, music on (not loud enough to wake anyone) dancing around. In the evening she’s always getting her homework done then doing something, she never seems to sit still, even if you check on her at 10pm she will be pacing around her room while testing herself on flash cards or FaceTiming friends, sometimes she’s being a little silly and will be balancing something on her head while she does so “for posture”. She’s got so much energy and is such an intelligent, vibrant girl. She can be hard to get a story out of as she does go off into mini stories within the story, but they are always told with such energy and are genuinely funny. She is the most active user of the family group chat, always sending little things she’s seen, silly selfies, little videos of her doing her sports or singing a song etc.

Tonight she sent a video into the family group chat, well multiple videos. She had tried to FaceTime as she was walking home but none of us answered (I was showering, no idea why DH didn’t). She was telling us a story about her day with her friends and did get distracted a lot during the story, stopped the story to show us a pigeon she passed, then said something which reminded her of a song which she then sung in the video. I appreciate it’s a long watch and hard to follow but I genuinely love that DD feels so comfortable just being her lovely, vibrant self with us. DH however went into a mood, he asked if I’d seen the videos and I said yes then said “she’s bloody annoying and needs to grow up”. DH isn’t very close to DD, they don’t have loads in common, DD is super sporty, loves a deep dive into random topics etc. DH is into his chess and history so will only bond with DD if she takes an interest in history. However this isn’t even sure fire as when DD started asking if the Nuremberg trials were ethical he got annoyed and said she was reading too far into it and would look like a “fascist sympathiser” if she said that to anyone else! He is always putting her down even when I tell him to pack it in, she’s too sporty, she needs to learn to just sit still for a minute, too high energy, too loud etc.
Its all making me quite sad as while DD doesn’t seem to mind, I just hate that she must sense her dad doesn’t particularly like her even if he does love her.

AIBU to find really sad? What do I do to stop it?

OP posts:
Worralorra · 25/01/2026 06:57

GugiGi · 30/11/2025 02:12

The thing is DD is respectful of our time, by sending videos there is clearly no demand we watch them instantly or in full, she just wanted to yap on her way home.
Of all our kids she is the only one who also takes an interest in our lives, she’s forever asking what did we do at work, how did we do it, did we enjoy it etc. she isn’t self centred she’s just very vibrant and for the most part is just going about her day with energy.
I really don’t see how her dancing in the kitchen while making breakfasts or telling us about a part of her day which made her happy even if we won’t get the same joy out of it, is her doing anything wrong. DH loves to share stories about what he is doing, just doesn’t like DD doing the same as she is more vibrant and expressive in her storytelling.

He’s jealous! Your DD sounds lovely and very engaging. I suspect that’s how he saw himself before he became “eclipsed”.
My DD is similar, and is waiting for an ADHD assessment. Yes, her sending 25 photos of stuff she is looking at in shops can be frustrating - but only if you choose to let these distract you from what you are doing when you receive them.
And yes, “negging” someone is terribly unattractive - “D”H needs to start acting like an adult!

Bleachedjeans · 25/01/2026 07:07

‘stopped the story to show us a pigeon’ - I would have lost patience at this point.
Seriously, she sounds delightful but exhausting.

Carycach4 · 25/01/2026 10:36

Worralorra · 25/01/2026 06:57

He’s jealous! Your DD sounds lovely and very engaging. I suspect that’s how he saw himself before he became “eclipsed”.
My DD is similar, and is waiting for an ADHD assessment. Yes, her sending 25 photos of stuff she is looking at in shops can be frustrating - but only if you choose to let these distract you from what you are doing when you receive them.
And yes, “negging” someone is terribly unattractive - “D”H needs to start acting like an adult!

Why does MN think everyone who isnt falling over themselves in utter admiration, is jealous? How likely is it for a dad to be jealous of his dd, rather than irritated by endless pattling pointless videos?
Your dd's behaviour might be cute if she waa 4, but she is virtually an adult and acting like a kid! It does seem self absorbed and lacking social awareness? Is she like this normally?

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