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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH called DD annoying and it’s made me feel really sad

728 replies

GugiGi · 30/11/2025 01:47

DH and I have 3 children, DS1 who is 19, DD1 is 16 and DD2 is 12.
DD1 is a live wire, she has such an incredibly vibrant personality, never stops, wakes up every morning and does a workout in our home gym, showers and by the time any of the rest of us make it downstairs she is already in the kitchen making an omelette or porridge, music on (not loud enough to wake anyone) dancing around. In the evening she’s always getting her homework done then doing something, she never seems to sit still, even if you check on her at 10pm she will be pacing around her room while testing herself on flash cards or FaceTiming friends, sometimes she’s being a little silly and will be balancing something on her head while she does so “for posture”. She’s got so much energy and is such an intelligent, vibrant girl. She can be hard to get a story out of as she does go off into mini stories within the story, but they are always told with such energy and are genuinely funny. She is the most active user of the family group chat, always sending little things she’s seen, silly selfies, little videos of her doing her sports or singing a song etc.

Tonight she sent a video into the family group chat, well multiple videos. She had tried to FaceTime as she was walking home but none of us answered (I was showering, no idea why DH didn’t). She was telling us a story about her day with her friends and did get distracted a lot during the story, stopped the story to show us a pigeon she passed, then said something which reminded her of a song which she then sung in the video. I appreciate it’s a long watch and hard to follow but I genuinely love that DD feels so comfortable just being her lovely, vibrant self with us. DH however went into a mood, he asked if I’d seen the videos and I said yes then said “she’s bloody annoying and needs to grow up”. DH isn’t very close to DD, they don’t have loads in common, DD is super sporty, loves a deep dive into random topics etc. DH is into his chess and history so will only bond with DD if she takes an interest in history. However this isn’t even sure fire as when DD started asking if the Nuremberg trials were ethical he got annoyed and said she was reading too far into it and would look like a “fascist sympathiser” if she said that to anyone else! He is always putting her down even when I tell him to pack it in, she’s too sporty, she needs to learn to just sit still for a minute, too high energy, too loud etc.
Its all making me quite sad as while DD doesn’t seem to mind, I just hate that she must sense her dad doesn’t particularly like her even if he does love her.

AIBU to find really sad? What do I do to stop it?

OP posts:
GugiGi · 01/12/2025 19:24

kerstina · 01/12/2025 19:19

I have visions of your daughter being a female version of Sam Thompson and who doesn’t love him? Only miserable people irritated by his enthusiasm and sunny nature.

Oh I’m not sure who he is, but maybe?

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 01/12/2025 19:26

ForNoisyCat · 30/11/2025 02:15

Might she have adhd or something?

She and her father both sound
neurodivergent 🤣 I think it’s ok for your husband to find her annoying as long as he’s kind to her.

kerstina · 01/12/2025 19:26

GugiGi · 01/12/2025 19:24

Oh I’m not sure who he is, but maybe?

He is from made in Chelsea and also won I am a celeb last year I think.

GugiGi · 01/12/2025 19:28

kerstina · 01/12/2025 19:26

He is from made in Chelsea and also won I am a celeb last year I think.

Maybe my kids will know him, but if DD is similar then I’d definitely like him! I haven’t seen made in Chelsea or I’m a celebrity but my kids have so I will ask them!

OP posts:
GugiGi · 01/12/2025 19:33

kerstina · 01/12/2025 19:26

He is from made in Chelsea and also won I am a celeb last year I think.

Ah DS has just shown me some clips! He does remind me of DD and seem like a really lovely, fun, if slightly chaotic guy!

OP posts:
Pluto46 · 01/12/2025 19:43

kerstina · 01/12/2025 19:19

I have visions of your daughter being a female version of Sam Thompson and who doesn’t love him? Only miserable people irritated by his enthusiasm and sunny nature.

I had visions of Paul Whitehouse’s “brilliant kid” from The Fast Shiw

Hernameisdeborah · 01/12/2025 20:16

Your daughter sounds brilliant. I hope her Dad hasn’t dented her self confidence.

Nanny0gg · 02/12/2025 17:43

GugiGi · 30/11/2025 11:42

But she isn’t 26 yet! You’re allowed to be imperfect at 16 as you’re still learning.

But not at your husband's age!

What do you want to do about him?

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/12/2025 12:32

Thanks for update @GugiGi. Glad dh knows that he could try harder with dd

sad though that DS has seen how dh treats his sister and said he doesn’t love her

amber763 · 03/12/2025 14:31

For what its worth, both you and your daughter sound absolutely lovely.

sittingonabeach · 03/12/2025 14:56

Sam Thompson has ADHD

Aluna · 03/12/2025 15:08

sittingonabeach · 03/12/2025 14:56

Sam Thompson has ADHD

He’d also dim and full of himself. I’m sure OP’s DD is nothing like.

As one of the ex SAS guys on Who Dares Wins said: “

Shurrup, listen and do as you’re told. You’re not in Made in Kensington now”. 😆

cupfinalchaos · 03/12/2025 15:23

I have an adult dd exactly the same as your dd. Up in the gym at 6, very vivacious, high energy but also very entertaining!

She has some very annoying habits such as leaving everything everywhere, putting empty packets of food back in the fridge.. to name just a couple. But dh (her stepdad) accepts and lives her as she has so many lively things about her too. I think as a pp said, it’s fine to be irritated by her (as I am), as long as your dh is kind to her.

cupfinalchaos · 03/12/2025 15:24

Sorry.. loves her not lives her!

Muffinmam · 05/12/2025 09:12

beAsensible1 · 30/11/2025 11:38

Look at you being loud and wrong.

a pick me is some one who constantly performs for the male gaze.

A pick me girl is someone who constantly performs. The OP’s daughter fits the definition.

AcademyFootball · 05/12/2025 09:18

Muffinmam · 05/12/2025 09:12

A pick me girl is someone who constantly performs. The OP’s daughter fits the definition.

I don’t think she does fit the description.

She’s obviously just being herself, rather than performing someone whom she is not, with one eye to the audience reaction.

thepariscrimefiles · 05/12/2025 09:55

Muffinmam · 05/12/2025 09:12

A pick me girl is someone who constantly performs. The OP’s daughter fits the definition.

No, she doesn't.

The large number of unpleasant posters positively revelling in putting the boot into a 16-year old girl whose father treats her like shit is concerning.

Swiftie1878 · 05/12/2025 10:05

GugiGi · 30/11/2025 02:44

I do understand her personality is not going to be to everyone’s liking. However I think it’s really important parents don’t constantly put their children down and DH never has a nice thing to say about DD, it’s always she’s too this, too that.

I’m also not worried about her going into work as teachers always say she works hard, is polite, listens etc. she clearly knows there are times where you can be your full vibrant self (such as around family) and times where you get your head down, get on with the work and focus (such as at school or work).

I think she sounds like an absolute delight, and if she changed in order to avoid irritating your DH, the whole vibe of the household would shift and you’d miss her high energy.

Tell your DH it’s fine to be irritated, but unless he wants to squash her confidence and high spirits, he needs to do a much better job of hiding it. And he certainly needs to stop putting her down and discouraging her curiosity for life.

beAsensible1 · 05/12/2025 11:22

Muffinmam · 05/12/2025 09:12

A pick me girl is someone who constantly performs. The OP’s daughter fits the definition.

someone who performs for the male gaze. not just a random drama queen.

its literally from the scene "pick me, choose me, love me"

you are being nasty and wrong


A Pick Me Girl, also known as "Pick Me" is a term used on the Internet to describe a woman who seeks male approval by regularly belittling other women. In order to increase their perceived value in the dating or social scene, they often depreciate other women. This can be done either to a specific woman or as a group, to seem better in comparison. Their behavior generally suggests that they perceive themselves as, and wish to be different and or better than other women

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pickme_girl

Pickme girl - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pickme_girl

Acg1991 · 05/01/2026 21:32

I think the comments you are getting are very harsh. Yes, parents are human and there are times are kids drive us up the wall, but it sounds like this is more than an occasional thing. Your DD sounds lovely and I think it's great that she's so comfortable around you.
Both your DD and DH sound like they could be neurodivergent. In your DH's defence, my DD is full of energy and constantly has to be moving and I find it really stressful and difficult to relax when she is around. I can't even explain why it is, but I just find all the movement really overwhelming, especially first thing in the morning or late evening.

Missj25 · 06/01/2026 07:24

thepariscrimefiles · 05/12/2025 09:55

No, she doesn't.

The large number of unpleasant posters positively revelling in putting the boot into a 16-year old girl whose father treats her like shit is concerning.

Yeah actually fucked up , I can’t believe some of the posts I’m reading here .

cotswoldsblue · 25/01/2026 02:24

sprigatito · 30/11/2025 13:06

I’ll probably get a kicking for this, but both your DH and your DD sound neurodivergent. Two ND people in a family with very different presentations and sensitivities can be really tricky.

Yeah my mum’s probably autistic, and a perfectionist, and I’m ADHD and struggle with task completion and executive function. She’s called me lazy my whole life and can’t see another perspective….

Peoplecoveredinfish · 25/01/2026 02:37

I'm like that. It can be HELLA annoying, and I know it. I can't always help it and people who love me sometimes get, well, annoyed - I understand. I'd rather people felt they could be honest (or I can't believe the nice things they say either). HOWEVER, people who REALLY love me get that they can't have the amazing bits of me without the sometimes annoying bits. And they say the amazing bits are worth it. There are upsides, and they are pretty awesome. I can't just stop being me.

When someone knows you accept your own flaws and try hard to minimise the impact on folk because you love them, the flaws don't disappear, but they become more like endearing quirks, I think. (I have ADHD, and when I haven't had people around who accept both sides of me, it can be a very dark place to be. Being wholly accepted by family is transformative)

NewGirlInTown · 25/01/2026 03:32

You keep describing her as ‘vibrant’ as though this is a brilliant personal characteristic.
To me she sounds performative and attention seeking, not caring from whom as long as she is getting it.
You’ve had enough responses, surely, to see that your husband is not being unreasonable, they are just different, and compromises from both parties would be required to improve their relationship.
You sound determined to put your husband in the wrong, though.

ThatBlackCat · 25/01/2026 06:04

How are things now, @GugiGi ?

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