Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

[Delphinium20]

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

and you… accept that? You don’t walk out and say call me when the Christmas presents are wrapped im not coming back till they are. Hang on I’ll grab a change of clothes and charger in case that’s a few days.

But he didn’t remember. Your DDs phone reminded her and she told him.
Sorry but I wouldn’t be no-you didn’t remember and yes-you have upset me with this. Imagine how you would feel if this was reversed-how would you feel. And doing the housework that you should be sharing anyway is not the gift you think it is.

@99bottlesofkombucha are you me? 🤣I wouldn't fall for that shit either.

I don't understand how there had been no mention of your birthday from others, but also from you, before the day of?

And why you tried to keep it a secret by not putting up your card from your aunt, just to test them? I don't see the point, if your birthday is important to you make sure it's how you want, and if it's not then just go through the day and put your cards up as you get them.

I know you see it as funny but I find it incredibly disrespectful and selfish to not remember a close family members birthday.
DHs family never ever remember mine and to make it worse a BIL who has been part of the family for ten years less than me gets a heap of loving posts on Facebook and cards in the post two weeks after mine every year.
It's hurtful.
It just snacks of ignorance frankly.

You don't have to do this. You certainly don't have to spend AN HOUR a day wrapping presents (how many presents even are there? I don't think I spend an hour wrapping presents in a whole year). You don't have to do cards at all in 2025. You don't have to remember birthdays of anyone outside your actual household. You are doing it all to yourself.

That is kind of what I said though. "Taken for granted year round" = "not shown love year round". If you're not taken for granted year round then the birthday actually doesn't really matter.

It obviously mattered to OP, or she wouldn't have posted or kept a list going, however lighthearted. They pretty much all failed miserably.

How little housework does he normally do, l wonder, if he think it's a gift that he will do it all for a week?

If she was genuinely shown love the year round, the birthday would matter to her family. They wouldn’t totally forget about it: they would use that day as a way of showing her how much she mattered to them.

”Don’t touch the housework”? 🙄 ugh, I’d rather go back to when he forgot the birthday than on to this, where he basically admits he just sees you as a glorified dishcloth

People forget things. It's the human condition. I've forgotten things that were important to me and to other people. I'm sure you have too.

One day in 365 is not a litmus test of a loving relationship, it just isn't.

All of the people in the family forgot, 3 kids, a husband, sisters, a father….that doesn’t scream “valued”

I thought about this thread yesterday when I received a birthday card in the post (mine is at the end of this week) from the VERY elderly parents of my very good friend.

They are in their nineties, in poor health and live hundreds of miles away, but if THEY can remember and get out to buy card, stamp and go to a post box - then anyone can!

My DH and I are responsible for remembering our own family birthdays. I have no idea if or how he reminds his daughter, but she does have their birthdays in her phone and sends them a card. She's 32 with SEN, so if she can do it, anyone can.

We could be twins, it was my birthday on 23rd too, Delphinium20, happy birthday to us!

I got a card from DH and a card from each of my adult DS's and one from my pension provider. Think the DS's got a poke in the ribs from their partners TBH.

I think sending cards has gone out of fashion for birthdays and Christmas. I don't care coz I still had a lovely day!

I'm a bit bewildered - why is it such a big deal? Trust me, the older you get the less it matters; it's just another day, and I hate the idea of people I care about feeling anxious or guilty in case they either forget or fail to live up to my imaginary expectations. Happy birthday, by the way

The reason you dont understand is that you have missed the point.

The point isnt that she wants a big fuss, its that unless she does their remembering for them, nothing happens. No one does anything for anyone else unless she is there reminding them to do it. So she didnt, to see what happened....and nothing happened.

Because it didnt directly benefit them, it wasnt important enough for them to remember her, their wife/mother/sister/friend. But expect her to remember them and FOR them.

Now she knows just where she is in their priorities.

Are you a bit bewildered because you haven’t realised yet that just because you feel a certain way about something, that doesn’t mean that the entire global population of 8.2 billion people also has to feel that way?

Happy Birthday twin!!

From your pensioner! That‘s awesome

thank you!!

I’ve helped you with your post, try this: I'm a bit bewildered - why is it such a big deal? Trust me, the older you get the less it matters; it's just another day, this is odd, do you think you’re the only person here your age? and I hate the idea of people I care about feeling anxious or guilty ever showing they care about me, wouldn’t that be awful?? in case they either forget or fail to live up to my imaginary very very moderate expectations. Happy birthday, by the way

I think if birthdays are very important to you, then reminding people that it’s coming up is a good thing to do. Saves all this angst. Hoping everyone remembers is probably not the way to go.

I care less about birthdays the older I get. I remind DH who reminds the kids. My parents remember. I don’t expect anyone else to.

Now that everyone has realised they forgot your birthday have they bought you cards and gifts?

Yes! I got gifts and cards

This sounds like my birthdays! I’ve had years where partner and kids have completely forgotten. This year (milestone) I woke to hear the sound of sellotape as partner last minute wrapped the shittiest of gifts. Kids (who are older) got me nothing. I didn’t get a single card from any friends. Made me cry for 3 days and worry that I’ll be really lonely when I’m properly old!!!

I love this. I'd concentrate on her if I were you. Thank her for the card. Meet up and spend time with her. Lovely positive people should be cherished.