Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

[Delphinium20]

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

This smacks of someone who has put everyone else first her entire life, not made a fuss etc etc

look where it’s got you. You’re not even on the list of priorities of anyone else.

stop expecting people to step up when you’ve never made yourself a priority

TELL them, for my birthday on Sunday 23rd I want to go to lunch/brunch/dinner, or fuck!, book it and tell them all that’s what I’m doing.

stop devaluing yourself love and make sure others value you in the way you value them.

Other birthdays for family mean we call or send gifts in advance if we know we can't get together, but usually we just reach out the weeks prior and say, "hey, your bday is x date, want to do xyz? I'm making a cake/reservation/dropping off flowers"

We don't do surprise parties at all.

I'm pretty sure one of my Dsis will start the kickoff, so I'm mainly annoyed w/ my immediate family.

I love this.

An old friend gave me this advice years ago. She's since had a stroke and is incapacitated (whole personality is gone) but her take charge attitude always impressed me.

And yes, I contact the family ahead of everyone's bdays and say, "Hey, x's bday is this week/tomorrow/today"

Happy Birthday. I hope they all feel truly rotten when they remember. They don't deserve you.

Happy birthday! 🎂

I'd be boiling with fury by now. Is it so easy to forget that you're a person too?

Don't know what your weather is like, but I would be tempted to just quietly go out by myself, get a nice coffee and cake. Maybe send a photo of the cake with 'Happy birthday to me...' I agree with @GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut about not letting too much more time pass.

You don’t sound angry @Delphinium20so I’m furious on your behalf 😤 my partner always remembers but doesn’t bother much. My DS on the other hand, only child, asks me weeks in advance where I want to go for our special day out and gets the best pressies ever. So I don’t care that the rest forget. You just need that one. Bless your aunt

Sounds just like her! DA remembers my girls' birthdays and my DH and is currently the only one who sends DH and me an anniversary card.

Happy birthday
Ditch your DH and run off with the dentist..

I forgot my mum’s birthday once in my 20’s, I was going through a bad time but it’s no excuse. I still feel bad now!

When I was in therapy post abusive relationship, this is one of the things I learned

when you never put yourself first, nobody learns to prioritise you

sometimes you DO come first, and it’s absolutely critical to show your kids and family this. Not all the time, but some of the time.

when you never put yourself top of the list, others don’t know to include you on the list

im a couple of years older than you, so there’s time to re-educate everyone.

im cross on your behalf, because im absolutely sure that you’re someone who is caring for everyone all the time and totally being taken for granted

time for you to stand up and be counted love. We’re all here with you for this ☺️

It's sad this is the stage your life has come to, but I do agree with pp who said if you like celebrating your birthday, then own it.
Mention it the week or the month before. Say what you want to do. Ask who is coming with you. Don't let people forget, then seethe or even just mope about it without saying anything.

DD1 messed up mine 2 years ago (she was 19) as she wished me happy birthday 10 days early on the 13th. Didn't bother me in the least. Also, she'd lost her BF (he was murdered 4 months earlier) so she was particularly suffering and lost that year. Mothers understand tough times.

Hi OP. So sorry no-one has said anything. We don't go mad for birthdays, but I do always remember my DHs birthday and him mine!
I don't expect DC to remember, though I know some people do.

I generally remind DC to say happy birthday on DHs birthday and I think he does the same.

You have more patience than me OP. I would be livid and would have left them all to it by now. Just get in the car and go for a coffee and cake at the very least.

Happy Birthday, you're the best of the lot of them. Put yourself first from now on.

A few year's ago when it was my birthday I had no cards from DD, DS or H! I had found out 2 days before H's birthday he was having an affair. Neither of my DCs made sure I received a card and I was truly gutted. I did something I should not have and DD has not spoken to me since.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I hope DD comes around when she matures.

Oh no! You poor thing. I must say you seem to be taking it with a little humour. But that's terrible. I kinda wish I was a fly on the wall when one of them finally remembers...

Happy birthday OP. I do hope next year is much much better.

@Delphinium20 Judging by the ages of your relatives, I will suggest that you are far too old to be celebrating your birthday.

Happy birthday.

I went for afternoon tea today and I was an hour early. My friend then was 45 minutes late so I was on my own nearly 2 hrs. I had a lovely time! I would recommend taking yourself somewhere and having a nice treat on your own.

I don’t think you should wait for them to remember though. I think you should say to whatever family member you see we are doing x for dinner to celebrate my birthday today.

Omg OP I think it’s beyond appalling that you have (most likely) served a man and raised children to that age and that they have all forgotten!

You sound like you have a brilliant sense of humour, I can see why you’ve maintained friendships for decades. I also suspect that you were a bit worried that loads of people would come on and say that you’re being too precious and how they’ve never, ever celebrated a birthday after the age of 16 in true MN style! And therefore added a bit of extra humour 😂

Happy Birthday! Treat yourself to something nice online x

Is it possible to take off to a hotel for the night and when questioned say you are giving yourself a birthday gift!

OP, you sound too calm. You can drop the bravado and say this is awful. I would be a mixture of angry and devastated if my family forgot my birthday.

We are big on birthdays in our house and even though the kids are young adults, we all celebrate everyone’s birthday with enthusiasm.

You remind everybody else for birthdays. Why can nobody remember yours? I think this is outrageous and disappointing. You will probably laugh it off like you have you have done all your life. In my view, it’s not good enough. And I think you know that deep down.

Have you put the cards up?

😂😂😂