Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

[Delphinium20]

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

To me it comes across as somewhat juvenile. It's the type of thing that children do, or young women celebrating their 21st or something. It's a bit like the people who still haven't grown out of drinking culture by their mid 20s.

I think I grew out of celebrating my birthday when I was about 10.

How miserable.

Except that it did matter to OP and she WAS testing them to see if anyone would remember - she's said that several times. It's "lighthearted" because OP is trying not to be too heavy about a subject that she is clearly pissed off about, to some degree.

She's made multiple comments about being fed-up of being the one to organise her own birthday and remind them all when anything needs doing. She's very clear about how it's not fair that she organises everyone's else's birthday but no one can be bothered to even remember hers.

I completely agree that in some households birthdays aren't really a thing, but that's clearly not the case with OP.

No one is saying that OP's DC and DH are awful, terrible people - I'm sure they love her very much. But as women, we are constantly pressured into putting ourselves last and the whole "it's OK really, I got lemon cake, champagne, and chocolate" doesn't make up for the fact that everyone forgot about OP - but no one else gets forgotten. It's an unfair balance and it's just not OK.

I don't think it's lighthearted or funny. OP is just used to her needs coming last. I think @VeryV is spot on with her post.

One year after everyone exchanged Christmas presents and we were admiring the stuff over a cuppa, I said to (adult) DS2, 'sweetheart, I'm sorry if I got muddled, but what was it you got me?' and his face went slack.

He'd bought presents for his siblings, his dad, his grandparents and even the pets, but he'd totally forgotten to get me anything. I've never seen a grown man look so abashed. I imagine your DH's face was similar.

(it wasn't a pass/agg question, I honestly thought it must have been one of the books and I'd missed that it was from him, but no, DH bought both)

Ok. It’s a shame it didn’t work out well.

Back to chatting about the birthday and making plans so there’s no disappointment on the day.

Time to go online shopping OP! Get yourself something really nice and if your DH raises an eyebrow just say "Oh, I thought it was from you for my birthday!"

Reminds me of the year I got a couple of bits for the kitchen (which was somehow a gift for me rather than a household expenditure) and a jumper the wrong size.

The sum total of my immediate and extended families.

I watched with anticipation as they all opened their gifts that I had spent time choosing and wrapped with care.

And then wondered if anyone had thought of me at all. Apparently not. I didn't expect millions of pounds worth of gifts, just something to say that they acknowledged my existence.

I was pissed!! Advised next year I would put in the same effort that they did. It's not happened again...

@Delphinium20 HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 😁

Dear OP...happy belated birthday.
First ever post but I am so invested in your story...please could you update on your DH's ta dahhh!!

Well that’s sad for you. All those lovely times you’ve missed out on. My birthday doesn’t actually involve alcohol, I can have lots of fun as a pretty much non drinker nowadays (thanks menopause). But I get looked after, amazing food, days out, treats, gifts. I love it and I bloody deserve it.

I was blessed with an aunt (mother's sister) like this. She never forgot my birthday even though many others did (it's close to Christmas so I always gave them a pass on that). My aunt always sent a card with a lovely note. She died last year at the age of 97 and never missed a birthday.

Happy Birthday, OP!

And I hope OP gets a belated brilliant birthday being spoiled too!

Oof!

I did have one year when all 3 kids didn't bother with a mother's day card and then bickered over who had to make me a coffee. I did lose my rag over that one:

"It's 450 yards to the mini supermarket, they have cards for 99p and a bunch of daffodils is a quid. That's 67p from each of you to acknowledge Mother's Day. If I'm not worth 67p, then sod the lot of you."

I'd never kicked off like that before, they were gobsmacked.

I thought my position would have been understandable, given that everyone on mumsnet claims that they work hard.

I feel quite sorry for you tbh. You're missing out.

Bravo! Am glad you did :-)

What's working hard got to do with celebrating a b'day? I don't get it, they're not mutually exclusive.

I bet you didn't.

Are you telling me that your family ignored your birthday for the next 8/11 years?
And did nothing for your 18th or 21st?

@Nanny0gg Are you telling me that your family ignored your birthday for the next 8/11 years?

I would get a small present that I asked for, but there was nothing really in terms of a 'celebration.' Apart from the present, my birthday has always been a normal working day.

And did nothing for your 18th or 21st?

I went to a club on my 18th (most people do that, because of the novelty), and I went to a club on my 21st also. It's not really different from any other time I went to a club though.

As I said though, most people grow out of drinking culture by their early-mid 20s, and I certainly didn't drink any alcohol on my 22nd or 23rd birthdays, or any of the years after that.

Do you buy presents and cards for other people?

So because you chose to live this way, you think the OP should do the same and judge her, calling it all juvenile?

OK.

Well done you!

Agree. Except I think you're being too nice.

What has alcohol got to do with anything? I have never drunk a drop of alcohol and have had birthday celebrations every year of my life and I’m now in my mid 50s. Many happy memories through the year and also
on my birthday.

@wordler Do you buy presents and cards for other people?

Parents, nieces, nephews only (I don't have children).