Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

[Delphinium20]

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

I’d definitely be asking them how they would feel if you forgot their birthdays - particularly your DH. He’s the one who is really unforgivable - although I’m not that impressed with your DC either, they’re old enough to know better.

Am glad one of them got there in the end. I do hope DH takes you out for a belated dinner, organises a baby sitter all on his own, lol, and treats you properly. Divorce next year if he forgets again!!!😄

I hope they all feel terrible 🙃

I wasn't thinking of it as an excuse.

Of course they should just remember because they care enough.

Waiting for Op to tell them what she is wanting to do is bad enough, but not even remembering!

"I would have remembered" - if you had sat me down and reminded me.

I hope you read the lot of them the riot act about always having to be the one who remembers everything and organises everything. This should be their wake up call that sometimes, just sometimes, they have to think for themselves.

I did the same. I felt so awful.

Oh no I am so sorry, it sounds as though you were at the end of your tether, surely it wasn’t an unforgivable thing that you did ?

@MySilentLionsare you on the right thread?

Yes?! I was (obviously) quoting and replying to the PP who was a miserable cow about her Dentist’s birthday message. Can’t you see the quoted bit?

Of course she is.

You could say to Dh you will forgive him if he sorts out going for a splendid meal at the next weekend and drop a hint a lovely present would be helpful as well. That was terrible of your family. You could ask them do they all want you to do the same ie ignore their birthday's from now on. I am sure many people would not like their birthday to be ignored.

Happy Birthday. *To everyone who has a birthday today!

That actually annoys me and it's not even me!

I was sort of convinced there was going to be some sort of "Surprise!" when the Op got to MiL's house, so this is just utterly awful, IMO.

And just to add - I hate those 'people pretending to have forgotten and then at some point revealing they've remembered, but it's caused the birthday person enough upset to have spoilt their day' things. My 21st was spoilt by well-meaning house-mates (we were at university and I have a June birthday - we'd finished exams and were all staying for graduation), who hid all my cards so I woke up to NOTHING at all. My boyfriend took me out for lunch - they all got up late, having intended a big reveal, but we didn't get back until quite late. I think my face told them all they needed to know about their "surprise".

It's the same bloody date every year! It's not funny

And 'I would have remembered'????

When? Next year?

OP is taking it well because in healthy family relationships, remembering birthdays are not a litmus test of love.

It sounds like she's secure in how her husband and children show their love for her year round. So while they were all thoughtless yesterday - as humans can be - it doesn't mean anything in the grander scheme of things, it's not unforgivable and it's more amusing than devastating.

Whenever I see or read someone who's furious or heartbroken that their birthday's been forgotten or they only got a token gift - that tells me that they don't feel much love for the other 364 days in the year.

In 13 years, DP and I have both forgotten each other's birthdays (once each, I believe). The person who forgot was mortified. The person who was "forgotten" was, like the OP, more amused than anything. It was a non-issue.

Yep. One day there will be no MIL, no Dad to remember and the rest of them will never bother to remember or care.

Plays into the martyr/ I do everything around here role I assume.

I'm glad they all realised eventually, but Christ, what a selfish, self-absorbed bunch they are. If that was me, I would definitely not be reminding them about everyone else's birthdays in the future. Get a taste of their own medicine.

That's unkind. The OP has handled this with grace and humour imo.

Yes, is there going to be any recognition of your birthday now? Or is it 'crap, we forgot, so now it'll just roll on till 2026 and you get nothing this year'? I wouldn't be impressed.

I'm also intrigued by
He did try to be funny as I wasn't going to be rude in front of MIL
What does this mean? That he just made jokes about it that passed your MIL by?

Did any of them actually seem sorry to have forgotten, and has anything been said about a belated card, present, meal or tea and cake out?

@gannett
Whenever I see or read someone who's furious or heartbroken that their birthday's been forgotten or they only got a token gift - that tells me that they don't feel much love for the other 364 days in the year

I get what you're saying here. That's not my experience though. I see it as people who are annoyed by being forgotten wanting not to slide into that becoming the default. People who are breezy about being forgotten are often IME people who pride themselves on how much they can handle with ease, they're super self reliant, nothing bothers them etc. That can be admirable but can also lead to others thinking you never need any help, recognition and so on and so no one offers any. It's not a bad thing to assert your worth and to value others remembering your key moments.

This makes so much sense. Explains a lot. Thank you.

I can never understand these threads. Am I the only one who actually mentions their own birthday and plans stuff? Weren’t you even meeting friends before or after and then mentioned you’d be out to DH? I don’t mean that you have to remind him- I just mean it pops up naturally in conversation the few days/ weeks before (usually many times)?

Same here. In our house there is always talk of whose birthday is next on the calendar when one is celebrated. Then discussions about what we might want to do nearer the time. I would say what I want to do for my birthday (eg pick place to visit or type of food etc) and so would DH.

I know. Me too. I find it all so strange to sit in silence on your birthday and the lead up. Like you’re tricking/testing people.

My DH wouldn’t ‘forget’ as I’d be talking about it and making plans.

But it does seem that most people
just stay silent and see if anyone remembers..

The OP has said she doesn’t normally stay silent but did this year as an experiment to see if anyone would remember.