Exasperated with nip screw husband.

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

He has recently replaced DD's car and is allowing her to keep the money that she gets when she has sold her old car - which should be around £12,000. He is a generous father.

But he's a nip screw husband.

The dishwasher which I have had for 15 years broke down a month ago and instead of replacing it with a new one, he ordered the part required and fixed it himself (he's also very practical).

This part lasted short of a month and the dishwasher, which let's face it, is elderly, has again broken down.

It has been broken for a few days and I hate washing up as he insists on cooking and he uses every pot and utensil we possess.

I have sourced a replacement which can be picked up in store within the hour. But he says that he's going to fix the old one and 'don't you dare go wasting money'.

There are two days worth of dishes piled up in the kitchen because I am refusing to (blackmailing) hand wash anymore. He's stomping around effing and Jeffing because there are no clean teaspoons. Poor man.

Should I order whatever I want - I can get delivery tomorrow? Or wait for him to be bothered to order the part he thinks he needs - which may or may not fix an ancient relic?

Why is he generous with the children but not with me? Should I LTB? He hates me doesn't he?

He bought a fucking boat without asking but you’re not allowed to get a dishwasher, and he won’t wash up by hand?

Yes, he hates you. I’m sorry x

Excellent use of nip screw. I know it more commonly as nip cheese or cheese-paring.

Buy the dishwasher. Sod him.

Sometimes you can fix stuff at a fraction of the cost of buying something new.

So before I have spent £5 on a part and got an extra 2 years out of an appliance for very little effort.

Other times I have had to tinker around for ages, spent money on parts and still had to scrap something.

There is a balance point between buying new stuff when you don't really need to and recognising that something has probably had its lifespan and needs to be replaced. it doesn't sound like your husband has got a good handle on that point.

A15 year old appliance doesn't really owe you much in terms of lifespan.

LTB
Seriously

Most of our money is in joint accounts - but I've always asked to spend larger amounts (he doesn't) - he bought a boat without my knowledge recently.

Don't ask him and just buy the fucking dishwasher, then!

If he questions this, point out that he bought a boat and didn't even tell you.

I worry that I thought this was about nipple clamps. I’m going to go for a walk and think about my life.

Me neither. I wondered if it was some sort of torture device.

I had one like this.

he was a fucking nightmare. Tried to fix everything himself regardless of whether he had the knowledge or not.

I believe he’s nicer to his second wife.

He can't send stuff back if he doesn't have the order details. Stop giving them to him for a start.

Id have ordered the dishwasher and paid for fitting and old one to be taken away by now.

Just get it ordered and stop letting him be a tight arse.

Come on OP, be a bit creative, you spotted a Black Friday bargain and went for it………. TaaDaa!

Good point.

Get a new one from AO and get the disposal option in with the order.

They'll take the old one away, so he won't be able to fix it and send the new one back !

I would order it to be not only delivered, but spend the extra to get it installed and the old one taken away. They won’t have it returned once it’s installed.

I've always known it from Georgette Heyer books.

@Mix56

I usually get clothes (treat myself) Christmas and birthdays. Can't remember when we stopped doing presents for each other. Hairdresser - every 6 weeks. He drives an old Audi A6 and has vans (and motor bikes), I have a new Toyota CHR and a little black Porsche with very little mileage as I mainly have the grandchildren with me.

He's just left to go pick up a new bicycle for our grandson which he's bought on a whim - don't even know if he's grown out of his current one. But he won't pick up a dishwasher which happens to be in stock and closer than the bike shop.

There's nothing he can't mend - he's brilliant really. Will happily do anything for everyone - apart from me.

I once used my friend's phone to call him - a 'plumber' (although he was a gas engineer) to come and mend my shower. He said he'd drop in after 6pm on his way home from work until I gave him our address when he promptly told me to F Off.

It's me - isn't it?

Making you send back stuff you have ordered is a particularly sadistic kind of controlling behaviour, but all.of this is controlling and therefore abusive. He is a misogynistic twat (and I suspect he is also coaching his daughter to "be good" for the men in her life).

If he was nip screw (wonderful expression) about everything - an equal opportunities meanie if you like - that would be tiresome..But this sounds pointed and abusive.

You are allowing him to be the boss. You need to get into the habit of not asking him.. Buy a new dishwasher. Get it plumbed in when he is not there and get the old one taken away.

@viques

Aye - it's got 20% off right now.

The bike has 30% off so he'll reason that it's a better bargain.

He bought a boat? Like, a small canoe? Or an actual boat? And he calls YOU extravagant?

I can only conclude that this man hates you.

Yes, he hates you. Why haven't you left this prize years ago? Still, it's never too late.

“Don’t you dare”? Unless he’s likely to respond with violence, you dare. How fucking dare he speak to you like that?

Tbh OP, with all the talk of spare Porsches and boats and the like, you're not exactly hard up! A dishwasher is, what? £400? Just order it, have it delivered, get the old one taken away. You don't need to be asking permission, or getting him to pick it up. Just make a decision. It's not that deep.

Unless you're worried about him exploding in anger when he discovers it. In which case your problem isn't that he's tight; it's that he's abusive and frightening.

I just this morning texted DH to tell him I'd ordered a new microwave and it's getting delivered on Saturday, to which he replied "Oh thanks for sorting all that, sorry I forgot to even do any research!" I think that's a pretty normal response unless you're really living hand to mouth.

"He drives an old Audi A6 and has vans (and motor bikes), I have a new Toyota CHR and a little black Porsche with very little mileage as I mainly have the grandchildren with me."

You have all those vehicles between you - plus a boat - and he's quibbling about a new dishwasher? Good grief.

@DierdreDaphne

I agree - he's not been the same since his surgery. It left him 'different' personality wise - not just to me, he's had to apologise many times to his good friends. He says he realises what he's saying is wrong but he can't stop himself from saying it. He reckons to regret it immediately - but I've stopped believing him.

It is a genuine thing though - I'm on a FB support group and it is what it is.

He has been abusive very frequently for the past few years - but he's always been a nip screw.

Waste not want not.

Have you heard yourself - you hate washing up, 2 days of washing up. Bloody hell it’s only a bit of washing up.

I’m nowhere near tight, but putting stuff in landfill when there’s nothing wrong with it is wanton waste.

Previous generations will be turning in their graves.

I’m going against the grain here because I would not order the new dishwasher. However over my dead body would I wash so much as a teaspoon. I would wait him out as you are doing. To order it allows him to continue to be the problem, to complain and play the martyr. He should buy into the decision. I’d order take outs if necessary if no cooking implements are left until the dishwasher works.
However, I would attempt to set a monetary limit for you both and state either, any purchases by both of you over that limit need pre-approval, or each can buy what they want - which is it? Oh and by the way option 2 involves a new dishwasher turning up tomorrow. If he goes option one then buys a boat, return it!