Exasperated with nip screw husband.

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

He has recently replaced DD's car and is allowing her to keep the money that she gets when she has sold her old car - which should be around £12,000. He is a generous father.

But he's a nip screw husband.

The dishwasher which I have had for 15 years broke down a month ago and instead of replacing it with a new one, he ordered the part required and fixed it himself (he's also very practical).

This part lasted short of a month and the dishwasher, which let's face it, is elderly, has again broken down.

It has been broken for a few days and I hate washing up as he insists on cooking and he uses every pot and utensil we possess.

I have sourced a replacement which can be picked up in store within the hour. But he says that he's going to fix the old one and 'don't you dare go wasting money'.

There are two days worth of dishes piled up in the kitchen because I am refusing to (blackmailing) hand wash anymore. He's stomping around effing and Jeffing because there are no clean teaspoons. Poor man.

Should I order whatever I want - I can get delivery tomorrow? Or wait for him to be bothered to order the part he thinks he needs - which may or may not fix an ancient relic?

Why is he generous with the children but not with me? Should I LTB? He hates me doesn't he?

Do you like him? What would your life be like without him?

@kittensinthekitchen

I can't get used to the fact that he's like this - because for 37 years he wasn't.

And I've had counselling - still don't believe it. Because every now and there's glimpses of what he used to be like.

I'm ordering a lovely new dishwasher and it's gonna be about a grand to do the installation. It's a retro one.

I kicked my husband out 3 years ago. Child-free weekends are really fun too. I see friends when I want social interaction. I feel very loved and content.

'don't you dare' is what I say to my children, not what anyone ever says to me.

You can live this life

💯you can’t go on like this, OP. You’ve been married for a long time. Your money and other property is shared. Time to split and bail out.

He likes being a generous father but doesn’t value his wife.

Not sure this maths adds up, but that’s by the by.

Pattern seems to be: money on vehicles = good, money on “boring” stuff = bad.

Is he a man who will listen if you talk, and is he open to change?

@JaneEyre40

Do I like someone whose cup of tea I could spit in?

I must like him - because I haven't yet done it.

What surgery did he have? Could he have dementia starting?

usual question from me. How does his existence benefit you?

I ask because you're still married to him. I wondered if it's just this issue but as I read on it seems more serious. Have you spoken to his Doctor about the side effects since his surgery?

Have you had a sit down conversation (not argument) about the bigger issues (non dishwasher related)?

You’re extravagant for replacing a 15 year old dishwasher but he can buy a secret boat?? Divorce him.

@canklesmctacotits

Our youngest child is 30 in January - she spent her 14th birthday looking at new kitchens in Howdens and Wickes. That was the day we bought this clapped out dishwasher. My degree was in English Language and Literature not maths. I'm crap at maths. Apologies.

Just order a new one to be delivered & installed. And pay the extra for the old one to be taken away.
If he moans it's too expensive/can't afford it say it's ok, you'll put his boat up for sale to cover it.

😂😂😂👏

Oh dear. So does this mean most of the money is in accounts in his name?

It's a bit sad he's the one who encouraged you to leave work to look after the grandkids and now he hates that you babysit the grandkids.

Order the dishwasher , spare money on things he likes , favourite food ? Sorry to expensive , drinks ? Sorry to expensive . He is taking the oiss and disrespecting you imo

15 years, fair enough. It’s done its bit. I’m in team buy new dishwasher now.

OP, he is seriously abusive. He reminds me of my nasty dad, who resented my mum coming to visit my children - yes, he was jealous of his own grandchildren. I know you said he had some kind of operation which apparently has altered his personality, but that doesn't mean that you have to stay with him.

You could start making to plans to leave, today. Firstly, get an appointment with a solicitor. You could also contact women's aid because at some level I don't think you realise that you're being abused. it is never too late to be free and live a happy life. He has infantilised and disempowered you.

It is well known fact that men whose wives are seriously ill tend to opt out of the marriage, whereas women whose husbands are seriously ill will stay the course. He is ill, if this behaviour is the result of his life-saving surgery.
If you were behaving like this as the result of life-saving surgery would he stay with you? Or would he opt out for a comfortable life?Think about it.

Every update is more horrendous. He makes you return things you order without his consent? You are in an abusive relationship.

Our circuit board went bad on our dishwasher. We were told the cost of a new board was almost the same as a new dishwasher so we just got a new dishwasher. Sometimes you just have to buy new stuff. That's how life goes.

he sounds abusive spending money on himself and others but not on you

im sorry he was ill but it doesnt excuse what hes doing

I'd have ordered it by now. If he can afford to be the generous father he can be a reasonable husband.
I can't imagine living with this level of meanness. Fair play to him if he can actually fix it but a short-term fix which fails isn't a fix, it's just a bodge job.
But much more worrying is the abuse. He treats you like shit. Put a stop to that now.

Can you get him onto finding a bargain replacement one- a decent Bosch or something? I've bought a lot of appliances "graded" i.e. shop returns, minor cosmetic faults etc, you can usually get a good third off the shop price.

OTOH, as usual it's not really about a dishwasher is it? It's about your partnership, your respect for each other and trust between you in how you spend your SHARED money. He needs a talking to and maybe an ultimatum.

He bought a boat?! Fuck him, if he's prepared to throw money away like that he can get you a new dishwasher.

You deserve so much better than this OP.

Buy the dishwasher- there are full sized ones from £197 at argos!
Have it delivered when he is out so he cannot refuse it and it will cost you to return
Take it out of his beer money